Title: Boldly Going Where Cordelia Chase has Never Gone Before
Author: Nickle
Posted: 06/04
Rating: PG-13
Email
Category: Humour, AU
Content: C/A
Summary: What happens in Vegas doesn’t necessarily stay in Vegas
Spoilers:
Disclaimer: The characters in the Angelverse were created by Joss Whedon & David Greenwalt. No infringement is intended, no profit is made.
Distribution:
Notes: AU from the beginning of Belonging on. Based on a challenge by CAMartin.
Thanks/Dedication:
Feedback: would be delightful.
Part 1
“Oh……..God……ummmmm……” Someone beyond cruel had snuck in and poured sand into Cordelia’s eyes while she slept. And apparently had smacked her head repeatedly with a blunt object, because she was waking up with the most raging headache known to mankind. Ever. And her eyes. Jeeze. She couldn’t even open them because they felt gritty and scratchy. She lay in the bed, still, taking slow, steady breaths while she tried to get her bearings.
Uh….she thought a moment. This was not her bed. She was…..oh god. She was in Vegas. She slowly raised her arm and dropped it over her eyes. She was on a case. For….ohgod…what was his name……ANGEL. That’s right. Angel, the guy she worked with.. That guy. She had come on a case to Vegas and was supposed to be going home today. Except that she couldn’t move. Because she was tragically overcome by a massive gut wrenching hangover.
Her head hurt. Her body hurt. Her hair hurt. She licked her lips, trying to remember. The case had been solved, drinks had been poured, blackjack had been played…..she crinkled her brow. And there was something…..what was it? Something…maybe it was….
RING!!!!!!!!!!!!!!RING!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
“Oh, please, kill me now.” Cordelia winced as she grabbed at the phone by the bed to keep it from ringing again. She carefully held the receiver to her ear. “Um…hello. Hello? Jeeze…I hate it when wrong numbers….oh.” She turned the receiver around and licked her lips again. “Hello?”
“Cordelia?” Angel’s voice seemed to boom through the phoneline. Cordy groaned and held the phone away slightly. “Cordelia? Why are you still there? It’s past noon. I called your cell and it was off…I thought you’d be on the road by now.” He paused, thinking. “Is everything all right? Because check-out time was…”
“I know…I know….” Cordelia took a breath. “Um. We kinda got a little…well…..um…”
“Are you drunk?” There was anger in Angel’s voice.
“No. Jeeze. I am not drunk. Thanks for your support.” Cordelia pushed her hair behind her ears.. “I am not at the present drunk at all.” There was a silence.
“Were you drunk?”
“OK, dad. Busted. We got a little….well…..we kinda had a little celebration last night. C’mon, Angel…it’s freakin’ VEGAS. We kinda went out and maybe had a little…”
Angel snorted. “How many glasses of what did you have?”
“One glass, I swear…amaretto sour.”
Angel thought a moment. "How many times was the one glass filled?”
Cordelia giggled without thinking. “Oh, god, lost track after…..” she paused. “That really didn’t help me, did it?”
Angel was quiet. When he did speak, his tone was measured. “Where did you celebrate?”
“Oh, we went to the Hilton and did the Star Trek Experience….and ya know…one thing…and another….” She thought a moment. “It was happy hour, and these waitresses, they just kept bringing ‘em. Weird. And I think we saw a movie.”
“A movie.” Angel was beginning to sound amused.
“Yeah, at the Star Trek Experience. We were on a ride….The Klingon Encounter…and somehow, we saw a movie….and it was in a funky little room, and there was a man, and he was a Klingon, and there was organ music, and it was so sweet because the man and the woman were getting married…”
“The Klingons were getting married?” Angel was amused. She was giving him ammunition for the next century.
“Yeah….” She thought a moment. “Wait. The Klingon guy said he was a minister and the man and the woman thought it was funny….” Her voice trailed off as pictures flashed in her mind. “Um….and they…..they got married…..kinda…..” her mind went numb as her body went rigid. She could barely breathe as she slowly brought her left hand up to her view. On the third finger was a small plastic ring with the Starfleet insignia on it. It was blinking red then green.
“Cordy?” Angel’s voice came over the line as she dropped the phone. She looked over at the nightstand next to the bed and slowly reached for the piece of paper propped up against the lamp.
Oh god. Oh fuck. Oh crap. Fuck. Fuck. Fuck.
She stared down at the elegantly printed letters that curved across the top of the page. MARRIAGE LICENCE. Oh god. Fuck. Wait a moment….the Klingon…the small room…it was a chapel. It was a Klingon Chapel. It wasn’t a movie…..it happened. A man and a woman got drunk and went into the Klingon Chapel and got married. Oh shit. And the woman was…..she squinted, suddenly feeling her head pounding even harder. Her. She was the woman. She had gotten married. By a Klingon. To….
Her heart skipped a beat as she slowly turned her head, noticing for the first time the low, rhythmic snoring coming from beside her body on the bed. A long blanket covered lump seemed to rise and fall slightly with each snore. Cordelia sat up, ignoring Angel’s voice as he began to call her impatiently on the phone. One hand reached over, and slowly pulled the covers down gently to reveal the slack-jawed face of her sleeping husband….
Wesley Wyndham-Price.
Part 2
“AAAAAAIIIIIIIIIIIEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE” The scream went on and on, and stopped abruptly as Cordelia slapped a hand over her mouth. Frozen, she looked down at Wesley as he snored softly, a small trail of drool working down from the corner of his mouth.
No. No. No. No. Cordelia looked around wildly. Wakey wakey now. I’m ready to wake up now. She scrambled to a sitting position and moaned, grabbing at her head. Oh…this is….this is just so bad…..
“CORDELIA!!!!” Angel’s voice boomed frantically from the phone. “Answer me!” Cordelia finally looked down at the dangling receiver and gingerly picked it up, looking around wildly as if she could be magically guided through this conversation.
“Um. Oh yeah. Angel.” She closed her eyes. “I…ah….this is a bad time.”
“What the hell is going on there?”
“Uh…nothing.”
“Cordelia, you screamed. What is it?”
“I didn’t scream.”
“I’ve heard it enough to know, Cordy. Why did you scream?”
“Oh. That scream. Um.” She looked around again, frantically. “Bug. Huge bug. Big, bad, um…bug.”
There was a silence. “You saw a bug. And you screamed.”
“Yes. There was. I did. Wow, look at the time…..”
“Cordelia……”
“Gotta get about, Angel. You know, shower to take, aspirin to inhale, stuff. We’ll…um..” The soft snoring stopped on a snort as Wesley rolled over, eyes tightly shut, and draped one arm around Cordelia’s hips, burying his face in her thigh. She held still, not breathing, as she spoke softly and slowly, holding perfectly still. “Gotta go.” And she hung up the phone gently.
She looked down at the lump burrowing into her leg and slowly reached down to lift Wesley’s arm from around her legs. Protesting with a frown, Wes clamped his arm tighter and mumbled into the rumpled covers. Cordelia leaned back, groaning, and covered her face with her hands while she tried to think. Wesley mumbled again and Cordelia listened.
“Make it so. Mmmm…….dilithian crystals. Bolster the shields.” Cordelia rolled her eyes and winced with the pain of the effort. Oh god. She had come to Las Vegas, found and slayed…well, helped to slay, a kinethian demon, seen a huge replica of the Borg Queen, drank more amaretto sours than anyone had ever had in a lifetime, and ridden a couple of fun rides. Oh yeah, and got married. She had gotten married. To Wesley Wyndam-Price. In a Klingon wedding chapel. She was very sure they weren’t being punk’d, because no one on the planet had the imagination to make this any worse than it already was.
“Wesley…” Her voice was a gentle coaxing. “Wesley.” He remained still, occasionally mumbling about takiyon emissions. “Wesley. You have to wake up. We’ve got a problem.” She poked him softly. “C’mon, Wesley. Wake up.” Wesley gave a snort and rolled over onto his back, rolling his tounge out several times as if trying to clear a bad taste from his mouth. Cordelia watched him a moment. “Wesley…this is so so so bad. Wes. C’mon, open your eyes.” Wesely remained still, and began to snore softly again.
“WESLEY!!!!!! OPEN YOUR FREAKIN’ EYES!!!!!!!!”
“EEEEEIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIII” Wesley’s eyes finally opened and he sat up with a screech, rolling off the side of the bed and disappearing from view to land on the floor with a fleshy ‘thud.’
Cordelia watched impassively and heard him mumble curses as he slowly sat up, peering at her over the edge of the bed.
“What? What is…is something…….” His voice trailed off as a soft green tint began to coat his face. “Oh dear. I….um…..”
“Right there with you, Wes.” Cordelia’s voice was resigned. “But we’ve got a problem.” Wesley looked at her blankly, his beard-stubbled face becoming more pale and green by the moment. “Um. Wes. What do you remember about last night?”
Wesley tried to fix on his surroundings. Some shrill voice was harping at him…..oh. It was Cordelia. She was just yammering……he frowned, groaning as pain shot through his forehead with the effort. She needed to….he wanted her to…..
“Shut up.” His voice was a desperate whisper.
Cordelia looked at him, a hunted look in her eyes. “Wesley, you need to focus here. We’re in deep doodoo. Really big trouble.”
Her panic finally registered and he trained bleary eyes on her face as he tried to straighten up. “What is it? Did the kinethian…didn’t we kill it?”
“Yeah, gone, yesterday’s news, keep up here.”
“Um. OK. What is it?”
“Wes…..ohjeeze. Wesley, I think….last night….” She took a breath. “Ithinkwegotmarried.”
Wesley looked at her blankly. “Was that a foreign language? Because I don’t recognize…”
“Wesley! Pay attention!” her voice was sharp. “Last night, we got married.”
A long moment passed. Wesley’s face remained blank. “Married.”
“Yeah, married.” Cordy threw the covers back and stood up, glancing down at her wrinkled jeans and knit top. The ring on her finger flashed red and green with rapid intensity, and she grimaced and looked away.
“Married.” There was confusion in Wes’ voice, as if the word was foreign to his language. Cordelia glanced over at him as she began looking around the room, spotting an ornately decorated sheet of paper laying on the dresser.
“Married, Wes. Wedded. Ball and Chain. Joined at the hip.” She stalked over to the piece of paper and looked down at it. It was gold leaf, and had a funky symbol stamped on the lower corner.
“Tlhogh….” Cordelia tried to sound it out.
“Mating” Wesley’s reply was automatic.
Cordelia looked at him. “Is this a demon language? What is this?”
“No. It’s…” Wesley slowly rose to a standing position, weaving a bit. “It’s Klingon.”
“And you admit to knowing it?” Cordelia’s voice bordered on incredulous. “Wesley, you gotta get a girl…” She broke off with a sigh, looking down at the flashing red and green ring. “Apparently, you did.”
Wesley wandered over to her and took the paper from her hand, squinting as he tried to read it. He turned it over several times before Cordelia sighed and reached down to the floor to pick up his glasses and hand them to him. He took them automatically, pushing them onto his nose, and read the paper. His eyes widened and he looked at her.
“This is basically a Klingon wedding license. Well, a certificate of mating, since in the Klingon Culture marriage doesn’t actually…”
“Shut up. Shut up. Oh god.” Cordelia looked at him, wanting to smack his scruffy face.
“Cordelia, I hardly think a souvenir certificate qualifies us as married.” His voice was the kind of calm people use when approaching someone armed with a knife.
“Yeah? Maybe, but I bet this…” Cordelia stalked over to the side of the bed and snatched up the official Marriage Certificate from the nightstand and waved it in his face. “…is more than just a souvenir. It’s a state license, Wes. It looks pretty official to me.”
If possible, Wesley went even more pale. He weaved a bit more before wandering over to the bed and plopping down with a shocked look on his face. He looked pathetic, his clothes from yesterday wrinkled and a bit gamey. Cordelia almost felt bad for him. Except for the part where she wanted to kill him.
“C’mon, Wes, we gotta get a move on. We need to go back to that chapel and see if this is legal, and if we can…oh…I don’t kow…take it back. Get a do over. Whatever.” Cordelia began to move, scooping up her robe as she stalked to the bathroom.
“Um. I think I’m going to throw up.”
Cordelia didn’t even pause. “Well, make it snappy. We got a marriage to end.”
Hours later, they trudged back to the hotel, despondent. They were silent as they rode in the elevator, their eyes shielded by sunglasses that covered the bleary redness that was proof of a hangover. It had been a long, long afternoon.
One trip to the Starfleet Chapel of Love had proven to be an exercise in humiliation. A huge guy in full Klingon regalia had tried to be patient with them, but finally told them that there were really no do-overs and they had to go through normal legal channels. That meant a lawyer. It meant an annulment. Or a divorce. Cordelia and Wesley had listened with sinking hearts, realizing that for all intents and purposes, they were married.
The walk back to their hotel had been silent, each lost in their own thoughts. On the way out of the hotel earlier, Cordelia had grabbed a bellman and frantically asked what to do if someone found herself suddenly married in Vegas, which had earned her a bark of laughter and a leer. They passed the same bellman on the way in without a glance, and slowly rode the elevator to their own floor. Wesley silently swiped his door key and opened the door, standing aside for Cordelia to enter. She did, stopping so abruptly that Wesley careened into her back, sending her stumbling further into the room.
A bottle of champagne chilled in a metal bucket on the low coffee table, next to a small white cake with a plastic bride and groom perched on the top. A printed card propped up next to the cake read, “Congratulations from your Concierge.” A movie was playing on tv, and Cordelia squinted as she recognized herself, drunken and leaning into Wesley as they slurred out marriage vows in front of a huge, mean-looking Klingon. Oh. The souvenir tape of the ceremony that Wesley had bought.
Her heart almost stopped as her eyes went past the tv to the long legs, crossed negligently at the ankle, propped up on the other end of the coffee table. Her eyes followed the dark-clad legs up to rest on…Angel. Sitting in the chair, seemingly relaxed, his unreadable gaze on her as he rested steepled fingers against his mouth.
Wesley took in the scene and opened his mouth, closing it without making a sound. The three were held in suspension for a long moment before Angel lowered his hands, speaking softly.
“So……having a good time in Vegas?”
Part 3
“So……having a good time in Vegas?” Angel’s voice was low. Cordy caught her breath at the flash of gold she must have imagined in the depths of his dark eyes. He looked at Wesley, and then his gaze slid away, dismissing him, as it settled back on Cordelia with mild intensity.
“Wushhh….mmmm…..gggaaarrrrr” Wesley couldn’t seem to put together a coherent word. Cordelia finally reached back and smacked his head as if he was a skipping CD.
“OhmygodAngelwegotmarriednowwehavetofixit” came rushing out in a whoosh from Wesley’s mouth as Angel regarded them both silently. Cordelia bit her lip, and grimaced as the sound from the tv finally registered.
“You may now kiss the bride…” Cordelia nearly tripped over her own feet lunging for the remote held loosely in Angel’s hand. Without a change in expression Angel held the remote up and away from her grasping hands so that she fell over his legs and landed face down over his lap. She pushed frantically against his legs, trying to stand again. He reached down and grabbed her around the waist, pulling her upright to her feet. She thought she heard a muttered, “don’t tempt me” as he hoisted her back up. After setting her back on her feet he grabbed at her hand, holding it so he could see the flashing red and green Starfleet Insignia ring, still glowing around her finger.
“Nice Ring.” He looked at Wes. “Family Heirloom?”
Cordelia tossed him an evil glare before snatching her hand back and marching over to the tv and turning it off with furiously jabbing fingers. Angel watched with a deceptive calmness.
“Oh, c’mon, Cordy. We were just getting to the good part.” She closed her eyes in resignation and turned to face him, finally opening her eyes to meet his gaze. He hadn’t moved.
“There is no ‘good part’. No, we’re not having fun. We’re screwed.”
“Well, actually, I think that’s where the tape was going….” Cordelia looked at him blankly. “You know. On to the wedding night.”
“THERE WAS NO WEDDING NIGHT.” She took a deep breath. “OK. Technically there was, but there was no….you know….” Angel’s expression didn’t change a bit. “There wasn’t an actual…” she made airquotes with her fingers. “wedding night.”
Angel’s hands rose and he made airquotes with his fingers. “Good.”
Cordelia shook her head and sat down on the sofa, slumping back and covering her face with her hands. “Oh, god, Angel….this is so, so, so…..so bad.” She heard a murmured gurgle and looked up at Wesley who stood, frozen, still staring at Angel. “Wes. Sit down. You look like you’re going to pass out.” Without a word, Wesley sat down next to Cordy, his hands held together loosely in his lap. Angel watched him without comment.
“Really, Wesley just wanted to see the Star Trek Experience….we thought it would take an hour at the most…and….”
“You got married. Yeah, how exactly did that happen. You’re riding, you’re seeing, you’re touring, you think…hey…it’s a guy dressed like an alien. Let’s get married.”
“No…no….no…..ok, kinda. I mean…there were, you know….drinks.”
“No kidding? Drinks? Really? Amaretto sours, you said.”
“Yeah. Lots of drinks. I lied, Angel, I drank a lot.”
“Ya think? A lot, hmmmm?”
“So, we got drunk, real drunk….and….I think we went into the chapel….and I think we kind of…well, one thing led to another…”
“We’re married.” Wesley sounded dazed.
“Well, yeah.” Cordelia looked nervously at Angel. “We’re married.”
They all sat there silently a moment before Angel spoke. “So….are congratulations in order?”
Cordy snuck a look at him. He seemed…..she didn’t know. She had never seen him like this. It was as if Beige Angel was multiplied by Angelus and then watered down by the guy who found peanut butter in his bed. She didn’t know this guy. And she wasn’t sure that she wanted to.
“Cordy? So….”
Wesley suddenly popped up. “I need to…um…excuse me.” And he bolted out of the room into the restroom, slamming the door behind him. Cordelia looked over at Angel.
“He hasn’t felt well. He’s been a little….”
“Hungover?” Cordy nodded. He raised his hands once again, making airquotes. “Good.” She sighed.
“OK, lemme have it.”
“Oh, where to start?” Angel suddenly rose, agitated, and ran his hand through his hair. He walked a few steps away and turned to face her. “How could you both be so stupid?”
“We were drunk!”
“Asked and answered.”
“Oh, c’mon, Angel, we can fix this. I think.” He glared at her. “It’s not that bad. I mean, it’s…you know….bad…but Jeeze…”
“Not that bad? Really? Cordy, do you have any idea…” He broke off, glaring at her wildly before crossing to her and yanking her to her feet in one fluid move. Startled, she looked up at him as he gripped her wrists and looked down at her with an almost feral glint in his eyes.
“What are you doing?” her voice was a squeak.
“Kissing the bride.” was muttered before his head lowered and his lips pressed to hers firmly. It was hard and quick, and Cordy didn’t have time to react before he raised his face and looked down at her before dropping her hands and turning away, seeming to draw a steadying breath.
“Angel…” her voice was soft and slightly confused.
“Cordelia…don’t.” He stood with his back to her. He was still for a moment before turning to her, his hands on his hips, holding his jacket back. “Ok. What have you done about it?”
“Mmm….went back to the chapel….seems there are no do-overs..” she smiled weakly, guessing it would be best to ignore the kiss. He looked back at her without a change in expression. “Now, I guess we have to go home and get an attorney and see about getting it annulled. Or a divorce. I’m not sure what the difference is.”
Angel rubbed his forehead as if he was getting a headache. “An annulment usually means the marriage wasn’t….consummated.”
“It wasn’t.” Cordy’s voice was flat.
“You’re sure.”
“YES.” Angel seemed to relax.
“Ok. Then we’re…..I mean, you’re good. You can go see an attorney and get this whole thing over with. Should be simple.” They both stood there, silent, looking at each other. Cordelia opened her mouth to speak just as the restroom door opened and Wesley calmly walked out, his face pale but composed.
“Sorry about that. Stomach’s a little….”
“Empty, Wes.” Cordelia looked around. “You haven’t eaten all day, and you’re a mess.” She looked around a bit before sitting down at the sofa and leaning over to cut a small piece of cake. She placed it on a plate and held it out to him. “C’mon. Take a small bite.”
Wesley trudged over to her and sat down beside her, looking balefully down at the cake. “I don’t think I can.”
“Wes, you need something. Just take a bite…” Cordelia broke off a small bite and held it up to his mouth with her fingers, smiling at him coaxingly. “Just a bite and we’ll check out and get you something better in your tummy.” Wesley opened his mouth and leaned in and she started to feed him the cake just as a picture of what they must look like flashed in her head. She froze, looking over at Angel, who glared at them both.
“Go on, Cordy, give the groom his cake.” Angel’s voice was almost a snarl. The lightbulb above Wesley’s head suddenly went on and he scrambled back from Cordy and stood, agitated. He jumped up and almost leapt several steps away.
“No, not at all… I meant, we didn’t mean….um….” he turned frantically to Cordy. “Help.”
“OK. I’m done.” Cordy rose up. “I’m packing, we’re outta here. Let’s go home.” She looked at Wesley, trying to smile reassuringly. “It’ll be fine. Johnny Cochran here tells me we can get an annulment, so it will be good.”
Angel snorted and she threw him a dirty look. Turning back to Wes, she said, “Get your stuff out of the bathroom and let’s blow this marriage hole.” Wesley nodded and walked to the bathroom, turning slightly and not meeting Angel’s gaze.
“It was an accident, Angel. We never intended….”
Angel seemed to sigh. “I know. I know. I’m just….it just surprised me. That’s all. Let’s go home.” Wesley nodded and turned to go back into the bathroom to get his shave kit. Cordelia looked back at Angel, wariness in her eyes as she walked to the bed and began gathering sundry items to toss into her travel bag.
He watched her a moment, then slowly turned back to the small cake sitting on the table. He leaned down and plucked the groom off the cake, looking down at it as he slowly closed his fist, crunching the small figure into a pile of broken shards. Shaking the mess off his hands, he glanced at Cordy to make sure she hadn’t noticed and then plucked up the bride, brushing crumbs off of it before tucking it away in his pocket.
20 minutes later they were on the road, driving through the Nevada desert in the inky black of night. Just married. Mr. and Mrs. Wyndam-Price. Cordelia sighed, sitting next to Angel in the front seat, Wesley silent and still in the back. As marriages go, it was off to an ok start, like other marriages. Except her wedding ceremony had been in Klingon. And a vampire was driving her home. And the marriage was already over. She stole a glance at Angel. And the vampire was acting almost…..jealous. What was that about?
Part 4
Fred tidied the books. She lined them up neatly, and dusted them off, and arranged the astral physics section first by alphabetizing the authors, then arranging them by book spine size. Every few minutes she looked at the clock, and bit her lip, and played with her hair before going back to line up titles like The Astral Travel Workbook next to Astral Projection and Psychic Empowerment. She sighed and looked at the clock again, huffing out a breath as she tried to appear casual about her work.
“Fred.” Angel’s voice jarred her into bumping her head on the shelf. “Their appointment might take a while. Ending a marriage is…complicated.” Fred turned to look at him, standing in the doorway with his hands in his pockets.
“Oh. Angel.” She giggled a little nervously. “Um. Just putting these back. Some idiot filed Goldberg next to Llewellan.”
Angel watched her, a small smile playing about his lips. “Wrong order?”
“Oh, goodness, no. It’s just that Goldberg and Llewellan can’t stand each other. Their books next to each other…” she shuddered. “Yikes.”
“Of course.” Angel nodded, seriously. “Can’t have battling books just hanging out on the shelves.”
“Well, no…” Fred broke off, blushing even as she grinned up at Angel. “Oh. You’re making fun….”
“No, no.” He strolled into the office and sat, leaning forward to rest his forearms on his knees. “Well, yeah, but it’s a nice, friendly mocking.”
“Well, that’s ok, then.” Fred smiled at him and bent to pick up another book, seeming to study it a bit before saying casually to Angel, “So……Wesley seems to really want this to be over….”
Angel looked off into the distance, thinking a bit. “Yeah. They both do.” He looked at Fred. “I don’t think they’re the only ones.”
She blushed to the roots of her hair, lowering her gaze. “Well, yeah, you know……..they seem so unhappy….I just want…um….it seems that they….you know….” She stopped babbling and looked down, pressing her lips together tightly. “They’re so unhappy.”
“Well, being stupid does that to ya.” Angel leaned back and closed his eyes. They were both silent for a moment, and Fred slowly picked up another book, shelving it absently as she thought. She snuck a look at Angel and quickly looked back down, seeing his eyes still closed. “What is it?” She jumped at his voice, low and tired.
“OH! Oh. Um. Nothing.” She giggled nervously. “I mean, well, something, but you know….nothing.”
“Fred….” His eyes opened to slits. “Out with it.”
“It’s just….Angel…doesn’t this just eat at you?”
“Eat at me?” His eyes opened a bit more. “Uh, no…”
“Well, sure it does. This has to be just killing you.” She lowered her head and muttered, “It’s sure as hell drivin’ me crazy.”
Angel looked down at her a moment before speaking, choosing his words carefully. “Fred….Wes doesn’t want to be married to Cordy, and I don’t think she wants…”
“Well no, of course she doesn’t, Angel. She and I talked about this. And cried about it, actually.”
“Cordelia cried?” Angel sat up, leaning forward.
“Yeah. Yeah, Angel, she cried.” Fred looked up at him from the floor where she sat. “This isn’t just being embarrassed for Cordy…although, wow, has she got that market cornered right now…” She thought about sitting in Cordelia’s apartment the night before, and plowing through an entire half gallon of Chunky Monkey and commiserating with Cordelia Chase Wyndam-Price over her current status. She thought a moment and came to a decision. “Angel…she’s……sad.”
“Sad.” Angel looked at Fred. “Why is she sad? Did she really want this? I mean, it wasn’t exactly the wedding of her dreams…”
“That’s just it. She doesn’t have a dream wedding. She’s not expecting any wedding at all.” Fred rose and walked to sit on the ottoman facing Angel’s chair. “Think about it from her mind, Angel. She told me that she never expected to meet anyone and get married, because, who’s gonna get her life? She just thought, you know, being part demon was kind of a solo gig. She said she feels like this little matrimony faux pas is kind of the Powers That Be’s way of rubbing her nose in it.” She looked at Angel, sadness in her face. “She knows she’s never gonna have that life. She’s just kinda sad at being reminded.”
Angel looked at Fred for a long moment, sighing. “Yeah. I get that.” They both sat there, lost in their own thoughts. Finally, Fred looked up at him, curious.
“What did you mean, it wasn’t the wedding of her dreams? I think that’s the most romantic…” She broke off as Angel looked at her again, amusement creeping into his eyes. “Oh, c’mon, it’s not like I have a homemade Starfleet uniform in my closet. I think that it just sounds….”
“Exactly like Vegas.” Angel finished, rising up.
“Yeah….” Fred’s voice trailed off as she got a dreamy look in her eyes. Angel sighed and turned to go back into his own office just as the phone rang. He looked back at Fred, who apparently was writing “Fred Burckle-Wyndam-Price in the notebook in her head, and was obviously not going to pick up the phone. He picked up the receiver on his desk.
“Angel Investigations…We help….um….” He broke off. “Wesley? What’s…” he listened intently, immediately reaching for a pen. “Ok, ok…calm down. Where are you?” Fred came out of her trance and jumped up, looking at Angel anxiously. He gave her a glance as he listened. “No. Don’t let her….ok, ok. On Penwaite Drive? Got it. Be there in a minute.”
He hung up and walked around the desk, stalking to grab up his coat and slung it on, Fred following him on his heels.
“What is it? Is everything alright? Was the attorney…”
“It wasn’t an attorney.” Angel’s voice was grim. “They were set up. Cordy is about to be offered as a sacrifice…” His eyes glinted as he yanked open the basement door. “Call Gunn, tell him to meet me….18801 Penwaite Drive. Down in the old canning district. Tell him to come armed.” And he was gone.
Fred ran back to the office and snatched up the phone, frantically dialing. Her hands shook as she waited for Gunn to pick up. A bogus attorney? No, that couldn’t be. That guy at the bar who gave his name to her seemed to know what he was talking about….what was that guy’s name again….oh yeah….Merle.
Part 5
Cordelia awoke slowly, groggily. She felt cold, and her head pounded as if someone was beating on it with a mallet. She thought a moment. Vegas. They were in Vegas. Oh thank God, it had only been a crappy bad dream. She almost giggled in relief. It hadn’t happened. She and Wesley…they hadn’t…..she frowned, trying to raise a hand to her throbbing head. But she couldn’t.
Her eyes flew open and she raised her head slightly. Oh shit. She was lying flat on her back on a cold cement slab, and her wrists and feet were tied down at the corners. She dropped her aching head back to the cement slab and winced, closing her eyes as pain reverberated through her body. Oh god…where was Wesley? They had been…she thought a moment. They had been sitting….in an office…that’s it. They were sitting in an attorney’s office….Melvin Smoot. Melvin Smoot, attorney. They were sitting in Mr. Smoot’s office, talking about the annulment, and….she grimaced, trying to think. He had gotten up….excused himself for a moment….had poked his head back in, asking her to step out into the waiting room for a moment so he could speak with her privately…..
She frowned. She had, after a puzzled look at Wesley, gotten up out of the ratty chair and followed Mr. Smoot out into the waiting room. He had motioned her to come closer, and she had…then…a cloth over her mouth….and….nothing. She thought a moment. She had been drugged. Knocked out. And now she was here.
Oh, shit. Where was Wesley? What had they done…..she tried to hold still, faking sleep, as she heard muted voices at the far end of the room. Low murmurs in a tongue she didn’t understand reached her ears, and she strained to make sense out of what they were saying. The murmurs came closer, and she tried to keep her breathing even so they wouldn’t know she was awake. She felt someone leaning over her…tingles raced up her spine and her eyes shot open before she could prevent it.
A large upright demon loomed over her, cobalt blue eyes staring down into her face. Cordelia sucked in her breath as he lifted one hand…hoof, actually, and stroked her face gently.
“She’s awake.” There was a rustle, and Cordelia found herself surrounded by three other demons, all draped in black woolen robes with small holes cut in the hoods to accommodate their horns. She looked from one to another, trying to still the panic rising in her chest.
“Who are you?” Her voice was a little reedy with fear. She tugged uselessly at the restraints around her wrists. The first demon leaned over her again, his voice a hiss.
“Do not struggle. You will harm yourself.”
“No, no. Wouldn’t want that….don’t want to harm myself. Hey, tell ya what…why don’t you just untie my wrists..”
“No. No. The ritual is clear. The fastenings must be in place.”
“Ritual? What ritual…because…I’m not really of…you know…your faith…whatever…” Cordelia looked around frantically. “Where’s Wesley? What have you done to Wesley?”
“The human is fine.” Cordy turned to face another demon. This one held a long, thin scythe, curved with a wicked looking jagged edge. He stroked it softly with his hand, and Cordelia flinched as she watched his fingers trail lovingly over the cool metal.
“Mmm…well…I need to know that. I need to see him.”
“The human is not of significance.”
“Oh. Well, there ya go. I’m human, too. Pretty insignificant here….really really just…you know….mmmmm.” She thought a moment. “Why don’t you just untie me and we can forget this whole little deal ever happened…”
“You misunderstand. Your significance is great. Ethereal, really. You are our honored guest.” ‘Guest’ was hissed out from thin, scaly lips. Cordelia’s mind raced, trying to stay on top of the conversation.
“Well, gotta say…you don’t treat your guests very well…why don’t you just untie…”
“SILENCE” Cordelia quickly closed her mouth as the first demon leaned over her, menace in his tone. “Your role in our ritual is great, but I will not stand for….”
“Let her go.” Cordelia almost passed out with relief when Wesley’s voice, firm and solid, sounded in the large, empty factory. She turned her head to see him standing, legs slightly apart, just inside the doorway.
“I thought you knocked him out hard.” She heard one demon whisper to another.
“I did. Really hard. Thought I’d killed him for a moment.”
“Pffftttt.” They looked down at Cordy. “Please. This man is a professional at getting knocked out.” She looked back at Wesley. “Get me out of here!”
Wesley looked at her, trying to remain calm. There were four of the demons, and they were massive in size. Angel should be here any moment, and hopefully would have Gunn with him. He just had to stall for a bit…
“Get out, human, while we choose to let you live.” The demon spoke dismissively.
“Not without my wife.” Wesley’s voice was firm and low. Cordy turned her head to look at him again.
“She is not your mate. We know this. You both said so.” The demon seemed unconcerned by any threat Wesley was trying to pose. “We know that this being…” he indicated Cordelia, “is a virgin. Untouched by filth. Clean and pure. She will be a fitting tribute to Ogranth.”
“Ogranth?”
“Our Master. He who reigns supreme over all…”
Wesley smirked. “He doesn’t reign over me.”
The demon snarled back “He is far above humans.”
“Ahh. But then, you’ve made a tremendous and fatal mistake. I am no human.” Wesley whipped his glasses off and carefully tucked them into his shirt pocket. “Hegh lu’meH QaQ jajvam. Hab SoSlI’ Quch!
The demons looked at him a moment before one spoke. “What did he say?”
The demon with the scythe looked at the other demons and said, “He said ‘today is a good day to die’ and ‘your mother has a very smooth forehead.’.” He caught their blank stares and shrugged. “I watch a lot of Star Trek.”
Cordelia whispered loudly, “Wes, untie me now so I can kill you.” She looked back up at the demons and laughed a little, hysterically. “OK, think I see where the snafu is. Guys, big mistake here…not your fault, just…ya know, a little teeny misunderstanding….the thing is…” her voice dropped to a whisper. “I’m really not a virgin.”
The four demons looked at her silently, then at each other. They spoke in tongues to each other, and finally looked back down at her.
“It is of no consequence. You have been chosen. Your death will be an honor.”
“No, no, not really feeling all that honored…just…”
“SILENCE” Dread poured through Cordelia at the heat in the demon’s voice. “Do not peddle your falsehoods upon us. The time is here….Ogranth must be appeased.”
“Yeah? He sounds kinda whiny to me.” All heads turned to see Angel, standing in the doorway, his black coat billowing out from behind him. A puff of relieved breath escaped Cordy as she began tugging again at her bonds. Wesley sagged, equally relieved, and held up his hands to catch the axe that Angel tossed to him. Gunn appeared behind Angel, and they swept into the room and slowly approached the dais that Cordy lay on. Angel spared her a small glance, and a muscle twitched along his jaw as he saw that her wrists and ankles were tied.
The demons rushed the three men, and the air was thick with clanging and grunting sounds as they fought furiously. Gunn beheaded one, and turned to help Wesley, who was being backed into a corner by another demon. Gunn caught the demon’s raised arm from behind just as Wesley slashed the axe through the scaly skin, bisecting him and shrinking back as bright demon blood spouted out everywhere.
“Angel…” Cordy’s voice was a whisper as she watched the demon raise the scythe over his head, towering over her body as he chanted softly. “Angel?” Angel raised his sword, clanging it against his opponent’s, leading him to the left before reaching around and slicing to the right, sliding his sword into the demon’s chest. He yanked it out with looking back as he turned to the dais, approaching it at lightening speed as the chanting demon closed his eyes and thrashed the scythe down towards Cordelia’s heart. “ANGEL!!!!!!!” Angel threw his sword at the demon’s arm and a thick fleshy rip sounded as the demon’s arm came flying off. Goo spurted out and over Cordelia, and the demon staggered back, howling in rage. Angel picked his sword up and stood over the demon, who fell to his knees. Angel casually drove the point of the sword through the demon chest and then turned to Cordelia, untying her bonds even before the huge body had crashed to the ground with a thud.
“Oh god…oh god…oh god…” Cordy gasped as Angel untied her ankles. “Angel…oh god.”
“I know, Cordy. I know.” Angel’s voice was rough. “It’s ok. You’re ok, baby.” He scooped her up and swept her off the dais, holding her tightly as he turned to face Gunn and Wesley. “You two alright?”
“Right fine.” Gunn said. “Cordy…you ok?”
“Yeah. Peachy.” Cordelia lay her head against Angel’s shoulder and she closed her eyes. “Wesley’s the one who got smacked.”
“No, no, I’m fine.” Wesley panted a bit and bent down to catch his breath before straightening up. “What was that about?”
“Oh, the usual. Go to see an attorney, he’s really a demon from hell.” Cordelia breathed in Angel’s scent before sitting up with a start and blushing, wriggling a bit before he set her on her feet. She looked down at her goo covered clothes and sighed. “This was my ‘get an annulment’ outfit. It’s ruined, now.”
Angel put his hand on her back and pushed her forward gently, leading her to the door. The other two followed, dragging their swords and axes behind them. “It’s ok. We’ll find you another outfit. Right after we find you another lawyer.” Cordy looked up and opened her mouth and Angel spoke again. “Nope. I’m finding him. I’m paying for it.”
Cordelia looked surprised and Wesley started to protest. “No. I want it done right. I’m taking care of it. I want this over.” Cordelia stopped and looked up at Angel, her eyes narrowing. From behind them, Wesley gave a small sigh.
“tlhIngan maH!” They all stopped and turned to look at him as he pulled his glasses back out of his pocket and pushed them onto his nose. He looked up and grinned, sheepishly. “Oh. Sorry. Ancient Klingon saying.”
“Bite me, Wesley.” Cordelia turned to go, Angel right behind her. “Me, just now.”
Wesley followed, a disgruntled look on his face. Gunn brought up the end, grinning to himself.
Don’t know what the fuss is all about. They sure sound married.
Part 6