Title: Faint Heart
Author: Califi
Posted:
Email
Rating: R/N-17
Category: Angst. [what else?!]
Content: C/A
Summary: W & H are up to tricks, as usual, and one of their plans come to fruition when Cordy wakes up at an inopportune time for Angel…
Spoilers: From S5, Life's a Party. *cringe* I am not watching S5, so if there are discrepancies, sorry about that. This is MY AU.
Disclaimer: The characters in the Angelverse were created by Joss Whedon & David Greenwalt. No infringement is intended, no profit is made.
Distribution:
Notes: One of the early scenes takes place in the same area as Lily & co have already done so; just wanna say, forgive me Lily, didn't realise - but the similarity stops there.
Thanks/Dedication:
Feedback:Would be nice
"I am better than thou art now; I am a Fool - thou art nothing."
Cordelia [of] King Lear.
Prologue
Angel grunted heavily as he came; his eyes screwed tight and his large hands clutching narrow, naked shoulders that trembled softly. Then the realization of what they'd done came flooding in with unpleasant clarity. Oh, God!
Maybe if he kept his eyes closed a little longer, he'd find it was just a bad dream – or so he hoped; but the pained gasp that would have been inaudible to anyone but him hit his sluggish mind and put paid to that desperate wish. When a familiar aroma also assailed his senses, Angel's world came crashing around his ears.
Opening his eyes reluctantly, Angel's head snapped towards the source of the husked, familiar sound, praying his fears were unfounded. Shocked wet hazel eyes looked back at him.
And his heart lurched to his throat with sickening force. Pulling away from the body in front of him, he hesitated, suddenly aware of his nudity. Yet another nail in his self-made coffin.
"Cordy-" Her beautiful eyes dropped lower, mouth twisting in repellence as she couldn't help but notice the painfully obvious action of the withdrawal of his sex from the equally silent blonde, who's face was flushed; her expression a mixture of hazy pleasure and amusement as she surveyed the terry-robed brunette who stood swaying in the open doorway with a raised brow.
Both Vampire and Seer were frozen to the spot -then with a muffled sob; the girl spun on her heel and ran.
By the time Angel had pulled on his pants and ran into the corridor there was no sign of his Cordy- how the hell had she moved so fast? He wondered frantically; snarling aloud in frustration and panic, which instantly turned to rage when a small warm hand hooked around his elbow.
"Angel, I-"
"Can it, Eve!" the wet sheen in her big eyes was belied by the smugness, but he was too preoccupied to notice it, only the fact that she hadn't even bothered to cover herself - and that made his gut twist with guilt even more.
Pulling roughly away, Angel lifted his reeling head to scent the air for the familiar aroma of cinnamon and apples, which soon touched the back of his throat, then he raced down the deserted corridor without looking back.
Eve sighed long and heavy; before grinning with cold satisfaction.
"Wow! They actually pulled it off! - As if I had any doubts." She murmured as she re-entered Angel's Office and closed the door quietly behind her.
Part 1
Angel finally caught up with her just as she entered the dimly lit underground garage.
"Cordy, wait!" he rushed towards her almost running figure and grabbed her upper arm, swinging her around. She shrunk away from his touch like he was a leper and the pain in his undead heart grew at the hurt and disgust on her much loved beautiful face; the only reminder of her comatose condition was the pallor of her once-golden complexion.
"Don't. Touch. Me!" Cordy shuddered with revulsion, her voice sounding rusty and hoarse, but hearing it after so long filled Angel with a brief surge of joy.
Confident that her flight had halted- for now at least, Angel kept his distance, raising his hands high in mute assurance.
"You're awake-"
"Wish I wasn't" she shot back with a touch of the old Cordelia, spoiling the effect by blinking rapidly and turning her face from him.
"H-how; when – why wasn't I told?" Angel stammered as his head whirled with raging emotions and endless questions. Cordy looked at him again, her expression bewildered.
"I don't know- not long; does it matter?" before he had a chance to reply, she rambled on feverishly. "No one was around. I waited for a while but no one came. So I went to find someone - why am I here; in this-this…place?" Shock and fear tightened her features. "Why are you here?" she added, her confusion growing by the second.
"A lot has happened since…" Cordy cut him off with a sharply raised hand. Angel noted the fine tremor of it hazily as he pulled his thoughts together.
"I just wanna know - how did I end up here?" At the touch of hysteria lacing her sharp tone, Angel took an instinctive step forward, intending to reassure her; instantly she moved back, eyeing him warily.
"Cordy, please…" he let out a shaky breath and ran a rough hand through his hair. "What’s the last thing you remember?" He asked.
"Why? Is that important?" she asked, then continued, not waiting for his response. "The last thing I remember is being in the glowy version of Boredom City," flicking her eyes towards the ceiling, "watching you guys- in Vegas."
Angel reeled. She doesn't know; doesn't remember! Although trying not to dwell too much on the past, he'd secretly dreaded this scenario; that she'd awake with no memory of what she'd – Jasmine had done. For her own sake it would have been preferable, but the way things had turned out because of it, Angel knew things would be even harder to explain.
There was also the matter of his son. When it became painfully obvious to Cordy that they were the only ones to know about Connor… He swallowed sickly, the terrible weight of his not so recent decisions and action coming back to bite him where it hurt the most. Where the hell did he begin? More importantly: how much could he get away with leaving out altogether?
On picking up her trembling, lightly clothed body, he evaded the question- for the time being, "Look, it's cold down here – let's go back up to my- ." Her eyes widened in horror. "-Somewhere not there; and I'll tell you everything." He corrected awkwardly.
The last thing Angel wanted was for them both to be reminded of what had just happened- although judging by her dazed expression, she wouldn’t be forgetting it in a hurry . He still couldn't believe he'd done it himself! Even if Cordy hadn't been a factor, he still wouldn't have chosen Eve.
"I want to go home- or to the hotel." She broke into his thoughts; her voice now high-pitched and thready. No way in hell was she going back up there she thought, wildly. Of all the places to find herself; the Wolfram & Hart building wasn't one she'd ever have imagined wanting to wake up in.
As to why she- and Angel were here…and she seriously doubted it was to rescue her from the evil Law Firm; unless boning that skank was an integral part of the plan - anyway, although right now, Cordy doubted she’d ever want to know.
Her head spun crazily. The need to get out of there almost suffocating in its intensity.
“We had to let your apartment go,” Angel admitted hoarsely, "The hotel; well …I don't think that's a good idea. I mean, I haven't lived there for months now. It's still pretty damaged, too." He added, distractedly while he thought of an alternative.
"Damaged? Why – what happened to it?" Cordy’s scattered thoughts honed in on something familiar. He jolted, then shifted awkwardly, suddenly feeling vulnerable and unclean as her shell-shocked eyes ran over his naked torso, and lingered on the open top button of his hastily thrown on pants, the hazel irises darkening with revulsion.
"It's, um- part of what I have to tell you." Angel stuttered, automatically moving forward when she began to edge even further away. He really didn't want to have to grab her - but if she took off, he wouldn't have much choice but to restrain her.
"Who else is here? – Where's Wes, the others, Angel; and Connor – is he here too?" he flinched noticeably at that last name, and her brow instantly drew into a confused frown- quickly clearing, as fear took over and rushed to the forefront of her mind. “Oh, my God! - Don't tell me he's-"
"No! No, Cordy, he's not – he's safe.” He hastened to soothe her. “He- he just doesn't… Connor’s not here.", his breath shuttering painfully when she away from him yet again. His eyes darkened in pain on watching the way Cordy rubbed her fingers harshly over the spot he'd briefly touched her.
”You need to get warm,” Angel said after a long pause and indicated the elevator several feet behind him, but she baulked.
"I said Not here! – These people have a habit of trying to kill me. I don't feel safe, why do you think I'd be safe here?" she questioned fretfully, her distress growing in leaps and bounds.
Angel could hear her heart racing at an unnaturally fast pace, and that worried him as well as the way her whole body shook. Fuck! He knew if he didn't do something soon she'd go onto shock. That is she hadn't already, he thought bitterly, the sour taste of shame and regret hitting the back of his throat.
Looking around blindly, Angel tried desperately to clear his head and think of a way to get her out of the cold, dim garage without making things worse than they already were. He was uncomfortably aware of the hidden cameras placed strategically around the cavernous underground car park, and tensed, prepared for the inevitable security guards, witnessing their confrontation, and interrupting them; which is all he needed right now! His eyes skimmed the row of cars he now owned.
Shoving his hand into the pocket of his pants, Angel was intensely relieved to find that, as hoped, a set of car keys were still there. He vaguely picked up on the irony that the keys were to his old Plymouth -that he now rarely used. The find was a blessing: the more familiarity for Cordy the better, he thought hazily.
Instead of attempting to touch her again, Angel indicated the car and walked over to it, keeping a reasonable gap between them even as he kept eye contact with her, praying she wouldn’t run in the opposite direction. Opening the passenger door first, Angel walked around to the driver’s side and waited.
After hesitating for a few seconds, Cordy finally walked over and, afer shooting him a wary look, she climbed quickly into the car. Letting out a small sigh of relief, Angel opened his door and slid into his seat.
Once they driven up the ramp and exited out into the night, Angel’s eyes flicked constantly towards Cordelia. Concern for her wellbeing grew as she huddled against the door, her unnatural silence freaking him out even as he wondered hazily if the hotel still had power…
Part 2
If it wasn't bad enough that he had to break into his own Hotel, the dust and debris covering the lobby certainly was.
Cordelia walked in silently when he stood back to let her by; she had yet to say anything since they left Wolfram & Hart, and his throat was too tight to even attempt to try and talk to her.
He reached out for the light switch, praying that they worked, and let out a sigh of relief when they came on. The look of shock and distaste deepened on Cordelia's face as she took a good look around.
"Well, I can see why you don't live here any more." She muttered under her breath, then moved over to one of the couches, too weary to be bothered by the dust that covered the rich red velvet; coughing a little when it spiraled around her for a few seconds.
"So…how long was I Coma!Girl, Angel?" Cordelia decided to jump right in, as, going by his slightly hunched and awkward figure still hovering by the far wall, Angel had no immediate plans to fill her in. his head shot up at her blunt question and he shuffled his feet.
"About six months, give or take." He replied hoarsely. He still couldn't believe she was right in front of him, finally awake.
"You know, I thought the whole being dressed in a scratchy hospital gown, and bunking with half a dozen other 'patients' meant it was pretty recent. Obviously I was wrong." Angel flinched at the bitterness lacing her low tone.
"If I'd have known, Cordy, I'd have-" he began, already thinking about the punishments he'd dole out to his employees for treating the most important person to him like that, but she cut in, disbelief making her voice rise by quick degrees.
"IF you'd known? IF? I take it from that little speech you're ass never made it to my bedside?" Angel swallowed convulsively as he walked forward hurriedly, his hands held out beseechingly.
"I know it sounds pretty damning, but-"
"There is no 'sounds' about it. Good to know where I fit into your new life, Angel." Cordelia rose to her feet and moved away from him.
"It wasn't like that, Cordy; I couldn't…" he raked a trembling hand through his hair, pinning her with wounded brown eyes, "I couldn't look at you like that; thinking I'd lost you." He finished softly. Cordelia's eyes hardened.
"Well, at least some things never change, I suppose." Swallowing down the hurt and anger, paced the lobby for a few seconds, then turned to face him, her face set resolutely.
"I think it's time to fill the gaps- but first; whose the blonde?" her hazel eyes flicked his half naked form, and Angel gut coiled in self-disgust at the hint of revulsion in those lovely depths.
"I know- what you saw… it was a shock." And not just to you! he thought, dazed yet again by the whole incident.
"You boning yet another blonde? – Nope" She cut in swiftly; a disparaging flick of her hand, "disappointed, more like" she concentrated on her nails, not wanting him to see just how wounded she was. Bastard!
""It was some kinda spell; I'm sure of it!" he defended his actions. It had to be a spell; come on! He hadn't sunk that low, for God's sake.
"Another one? Boy, there are a lot of those around where your sex life is concerned – not forgetting the original one." Cordelia smiled grimly, ignoring the flinch that jolted his frame; not that surprised when he didn't deign to reply. An uncomfortable silence filled the dusty lobby.
"Kinda pretty – not that you could see her face right then." She snarked, and almost cracked a smile at the unusual flush of color in his pale face.
"I suppose we should all be glad she didn't quite make with the 'happy' - unless you are a tamer version of Mister Psycho Guy?" Angel swallowed hard and shook his head infinitesimally. 'Happy' wasn't quite the word that came to mind. Pig sick, maybe.
"So she's your secretary? Never thought you were one of those bosses who did the desk-chase. Learn something new every day." She finally broke the tense silence.
"No! – L-Like I ever did that to you?" Angel stuttered slightly, his mind's eye temporarily visualizing that particular fantasy.
"Well, I wasn't exactly your Secretary, was I? Vision Girl, Office Manager- nurse; general dogs body, blah, blah" she ticked off the multitude of job descriptions on her fingertips, tamping down the thought of "No such luck" and flicking her eyes briefly towards his face. His jaw worked under her gaze,
"She's…a go-between; for Wolfram & Hart." He ran his long fingers through his hair roughly, as the conversation spiraled into severe decline. "And you were more than that, Cordy." He insisted roughly, moving a few steps nearer.
"Yeah, whatever," she, in turn, moved back and folded her arms defensively. “Getting back to Wolfram and Hart; I need to know what the hell's been going on and how I got to be back on this Hell on Earth and unconscious for, like almost ever." She moved back over to the couch and sat down again.
"Whenever you're ready, Mister CEO."…
Part 3
"Wow." Words failed the brunette. The eyes that locked sightlessly onto the wall behind Angel's head were slightly glazed and wet.
"So…let me get this straight: You came back from Las Vegas and found 'Me' in the lobby amnesia-ey and lost-little-girl. I then decided to move out and bunk up with-with…. And you let me?" although it sounded like a question, Angel remained silent – and she continued on, her voice flat and expressionless.
"Lorne found a spell that finally worked in a round-about back-to-the-past kinda way, and unbeknownst to all my friends it wasn't me at all, but an evil entity called Jasmine possessing my body." Cordelia took a deep breath and briefly covered her lips to hide their momentary trembling.
"I then bumped uglies with a boy I considered my son… and you still had no idea…?" a dry sob escaped her, but his instinctive response of sweeping her into a hug was thwarted by the swift lift of her hands and the ice-cold glare she shot his way.
"-released Angelus, killed Lilah – tried to kill Angelus, Lorne and Willow; gave birth to a Fallen Power and fell into a mystical coma?" Her breaths came out harshly by the time she'd finished, and it was the only sound in the building for the next few minutes.
"Have I missed anything out? - Besides you signing a deal with the devil, 'saving' C-Connor- and mind-wiping our family? Anything else I should know, Angel?" he shook his head yet again, unable to form a verbal reply. Cordelia had just summarized the worst time possible in a few sentences- but it didn't make it any less ugly.
The strained silences were getting longer by the minute, and although Cordelia was used to the vampire being stoic, this was one time she could have done without his seeming inability to speak. His revelations had rocked her to her foundations – but shock and rage could come later - alone. There was just one more thing she needed to know :
"What was the deal you made with them? Was your fair-weather soul included in the small print? Should I be running outta here screaming for my life?" a bitter smile touched her mouth as she glanced down at her robe-clad self " - but, then again, I'm still in one piece, so maybe they've kept that clause for emergencies – or blackmail.- or did they make it permanent as a bonus?" Her mouth twisted with bitter distaste as she recalled vividly what she'd walked in on.
Angel instantly shook his dark head as he read accurately the sudden line of her thoughts, his own mouth twisting with regret and anger at both himself and whatever had caused him to... he finally sank into the couch opposite his Seer as he pulled his scattered thoughts into some sort of order, then lifted his head to speak.
"My soul wasn't part of the deal." He assured her huskily, "they needed something from me, and I…I gave them my stipulations." Her brow rose in query.
"A new life for my son; the mind wipe was needed for that," Angel explained defensively; the brow remained raised. "As well as seeing you had the best care – and to find a cure." He flinched at her bitter comment of 'best care!' and cleared his throat. The bastards would pay for that oversight, he promised himself; desperately ignoring his own, totally unacceptable disregard of her. He'd deal with that later- alone.
"What was in it for them to agree to all that? " Cordelia's stomach clenched as she waited for his reply.
"They wanted me to take over their LA branch- and run it any way I pleased" Angel added strongly, "They also needed me to go to Sunnydale." He held an unneeded breath and watched her carefully. Cordelia was far from stupid, and he waited for the inevitable fallout.
"Sunnydale? Why?" She stood up abruptly. "Don't tell me; not Sunnydale per se- more like something to do with the resident Slayer?"
"Who says it wasn't something to do with the Hellmouth?" Angel demurred, but at the curl of her lip he sighed heavily. He had really hoped he'd never have to tell her about that particular trip.
"Okay, they needed me to deliver an amulet- Buffy had a major battle going on over there; end of the world kinda thing – this time though, the chances of winning were pretty much zero without it. Obviously, it wasn't an apocalypse the Senior Partners wanted." Angel explained quietly.
"Did it work?" was all she asked; adding "Duh, world: still here!" rolling her eyes with a faint grin, and he relaxed marginally.
"Yeah…but Sunnydale is just a big hole in the ground now – they got out okay, Cordy." He assured her hurriedly at her gasp of dismay.
Angel Investigations wasn't the only thing changed and gone, Cordelia realized sickly; it seemed everything she was familiar with had changed; and all in bad ways.. Suddenly the whole coma deal seemed a lot more appealing to her frazzled mind. As her gaze rested on the partially clothed vampire, her eyes narrowed speculatively. She knew him so well – hah! At least one of them could attest to that – and she didn't miss that small shadow of extra, embarrassed guilt when Sunnydale was brought up. Swallowing down the bitter bile, Cordelia forced herself to dig deeper.
"So…catch up on all the gossip with Buffy?" her heart sank when his head jerked hard before his gaze dropped to his leather-shod feet.
"Yeah… she had her own problems going on, I think I told you that?" Cordelia nodded, her hazel eyes pinned on his rapidly paling face.
"Did you tell her about our 'problems'- my leap to the Dark side? No? And there was me, thinking it was maybe on a par." Cordelia muttered darkly at the shake of his dark head, "So what did you talk about?" God, she knew that expression so well, and it fucking hurt. "Did you talk at all- or just do what you two were so good at?" Something else that hadn't changed either.
Cordelia knew she had no right to feel betrayed- yet again. She knew this; but that shame-filled look on the face of the manpire she loved… "You know what? I don't wanna know, Angel; I'm tired." She made her way over to the stairs only to be halted by a cool hand latching on to her arm. She looked down at it with distaste and smiled coldly when he hesitated and removed it.
"Cordy, I-"
"Angel, I said I'm tired- plus, it's not really any of my business what you get up to; you're new blonde does know about your….tendency to not commit; and that little habit of yours to refresh your lip's memory of a certain Slayer, I suppose?" for a moment, a flare of amber flickered in the dark brown eyes that lifted to hers, but Cordelia was beyond caring. How could she have been so…stupid!
Maybe it was for the best at the time that she'd ascended after all; minus the whole Skip betrayal, that is! The thought of how she'd considered proclaiming her love for someone who'd turned out to obviously have no such feelings for her made her cringe in the imagined humiliation.
"You can't stay here" he again halted her, but this time by stepping in front of her as she made her way up the stairs. Her brow rose and her lips twisted bitterly.
"What- you're throwing me out now?" Angel instantly shook his head, horrified that she'd think he'd do something so…
"No! I didn't mea… this place is cold, damp and dirty- it's also empty and you'd be vulnerable here." Cordy stared at him for a few seconds, then pushed past him, continuing up. "Cordy…"
"I'm not going back to that place, Angel; so unless you kept my apartment, here is where I'm gonna stay- for now" she added under her breath; but he heard it and caught up with her.
"What does that mean?" Cordy rolled her eyes and crossed her arms. "As you've said yourself, I can't really stay here all alone, so tomorrow I'll look for somewhere else." They stood glaring at each other for an endless moment, then Angel growled low in his chest and turned to ascend the stairs.
"You can use my old room. Get some rest; but then," he glanced over his shoulder, inwardly grateful that she was following, "then, we'll discuss what happens next."
Too tired to argue any more, Cordelia silently followed the dark figure of her best friend, hoping that daylight would bring with it renewed strength to face the days- and nights ahead of her…
Part 4 |