Go TeamC/A
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Title: Faking It
Author: Califi
Posted: 22/05/05
Rating: N-17-ish
Category: smutty humour/Challenge
Content: C/A
Summary: A challenge by Scorch
Spoilers: BTVS post Hell.
Disclaimer: The characters in the Angelverse were created by Joss Whedon & David Greenwalt. No infringement is intended, no profit is made.
Distribution: AA/FSB/JF, anyone else, just ask
Notes: My Muse is losttt...to where, God only knows- anyhoo, this was a quick one to attempt to get back into the saddle. so my fault if its total crap. ETA'd to add: Cordy didn't fall through the stairs in this, so no rebar accident.
Thanks/Dedication:To Scorch for a great little standalone to help in my quest to find the ability to write again. Luff you, Mwah!
Feedback:keeps my Muse happy and creative, so yes please
Challenge: at bottom of page.
"So... tell me again why my life dropped to yet another level of suck by being made to patrol with you?" Angel tensed and unconsciously shot an offended look at the blatantly irritated brunette trotting along beside him.
"I could say the same thing," he muttered under his breath, his hooded eyes dropping to take in the four-inch heels Cordelia was wearing. "You might wanna take those off - the ground through here is pretty-"
Angel stifled a chuckle when she suddenly tripped and landed face first into a convenient puddle of muddy water. "Uneven," he finished, biting his lip as he leaned down to wrap large hands around her ribs and lifted her until she was back on her feet.
"And I think I just hit rock bottom," Cordelia grouched. Shrugging off his hands and taking a step back, she attempted to glare at him ferociously, but the smudges of mud clinging to her brow and cheeks ruined the effect instead making her look adorably cute.
Catching the slight smirk, Cordelia pffted loudly and turned her back on him, reaching into her purse and rifling around until finding a peach-trimmed handkerchief and a compact. He waited silently behind her as she attempted to remove all traces of her muddy encounter.
"So what were you and Buffy arguing about earlier?" Turning abruptly to confront him, she went on the offensive. Whatever the blonde had said to her vampire earlier must have been the cause for the stormy expression on his darkly handsome face that, up until a few seconds ago, had replaced the blank look that usually graced his features since his return from hell. "It must have been a doozey, cos your face actually had an expression," she snarked, ignoring the scowl and "Hey" that fell from suddenly pouty lips.
"I think you'd better take those shoes off." Angel refused to respond to her question and instead crouched down and reached for the slender straps around her ankles, only to be thanked for his efforts to help with a swift kick to the shin.
"I can do it. Jeeze!" Cordelia glared down at him. "Not like I'm helpless or anything," she told him frigidly, then looked around before walking over to a small, low tombestone and sitting gingerly on it.
Angel watched her silently as she bent over to undo the straps of her shoes. He thought back to the moment half an hour earlier when after showing up at the library only two days after Buffy had told him it was over for good. She hadn’t been happy to see him and immediately dragged him to one side and following the ‘I think you shouldn’t be here' when he'd refused to leave and things had become more than a little heated, she'd decided to get beyond personal with a bitchiness he’d never experienced himself before.
Maybe he shouldn't have brought up *that* night to point out that Buffy had been more than happy to have him around then. What she'd said to that had been totally uncalled for in his opinion. Bringing up his turning evil after would have been more than enough to make her point.
Surprising himself, instead of storming out, all leather duster swishing to show his outrage, Angel had still stubbornly refused to leave. The demon the Scoobies were on the lookout for tonight was renown for it’s acidic blood- pretty harmless to him, but no so much for the others, even the Slayer.
And that was when, after stalking away when Rupert Giles began his speech on the strengths and weaknesses of said demon, Buffy had paired him off with someone else she obviously had no time for either. Angel’s eyes cleared then narrowed in annoyance as he stared at his patrolling partner… then his mouth dried before exploding with drool when he’d noticed her move had gaped the front of the flimsy spaghetti strapped top she wore, showing two plump golden mounds barely held by a delicate lace demi-bra.
Dear Gods, that girl was built! No wonder his alter ego decided to tackle her to the ground instead of Willow, he thought, for a moment, his brain climbing into his suddenly straining pants. A girl with the body of a beautiful woman. His palms itched to invade that scrap of nothing and test their weight.
He shook himself when her voice broke the eerie silence of the graveyard. Dragging his eyes away from her now hidden breasts, he looked up to find her staring at him with questioning eyes. She’d obviously missed his definitely leering gawp, for which he was thankful.
"So are you gonna tell me why you looked like a wetter than usual weekend earlier?" Cordelia repeated her question, her expression becoming more curious when the vampire actually seemed to blush.
"Buffy told me she faked it" the words were out before his brain had a chance to ascend back to his other head, then his jaw clamped shut in mortification. shitcrapfuck!
Cordelia's mouth, on the other hand gaped for a long moment before a wide grin stretched bronze-glossed full lips. Angel fidgeted uncomfortably, waiting for a caustic remark. The silence stretched along with his nerves as she continued to stare.
Then she shrugged almost offhandedly. “Most girls at one time or another have faked it.” It was Angel’s turn to gape like a fish.
"Well they haven't faked it with me." he muttered defensively, ego still bruised from his exes deliberately hurtful stab at his manliness. "Anyway, I'd know," he added with an almost desperate conviction, then lifted his darkened eyes abruptly from the perusal of his boots to her face to glare when a definite 'pfft' sounded out.
“How do you know?”
“Because I know.”
"Oh, right, that's right, I forgot, you're a man," replied Cordelia, nodding sympathetically. Angel’s back went up.
“What’s that supposed to mean?” he asked, half curious despite himself.
She shrugged. “Nothing. It's just that all men are sure it never happened to them and that most women at one time or another have done it so you do the math.” Heavy brows ascended at her smug reply.
“You don't think that I could tell the difference?” Disbelief colored every word.
“Nope” Angel took a step forward, deliberate intimidation coming to the fore, but Cordelia refused to rise from her perch on the tombstone and back off.
That only annoyed him more. This girl was beyond annoying, beyond aggravation, beyond anything he’d ever come across in a female. And way too confident in her belief that she was always right - time to turn the tables – and possibly get her to forget the whole embarrassing conversation altogether.
"I think I'm in a better position than you, to know about things like this." Angel returned, a knowing smile creeping on his face. Cordelia gulped. She recognized *that* look, and hadn’t expected to see it on the newly resouled version.. "I'm a vampire." He added, as if that made it oh so clear.
Cordelia frowned perplexed. "I know that, duh!” She replied, rolling her eyes at him. “But what has your undeadliness got to do with faking it?"
Angel tapped his nose and the smile turned into a leer. "It wasn't just your delectable body that I- Angelus wanted that night you know.” His automatic correction caused her to roll her eyes yet again. This vampire had a serious personality issue; that was for sure.
“Vampire's can smell virgin blood a mile off." Well, maybe that was a bit of an exaggeration; ten meters maybe. The grin tightened with triumph when a blush bloomed on her sun kissed cheeks.
“Ewwe, that’s gross!” Cordelia replied, not a little mortified that he’d even go there. “Anyway, that’s beside the point; you don’t actually need a guy to get off, ya know.” Cordelia’s mortification turned rapidly to horror as she heard the words that had spilled out of her own traitorous lips.
Angel’s face reflected her shock for a split second before those dark eyes narrowed with an expression that made her feel hot all over. Ducking her head, she let her loose hair fall forward and cover even hotter cheeks attempting to ignore his uncomfortably heated and knowing gaze, "You're just trying to distract me"
Angel’s grin widened and added "Sweetheart, If I wanted to distract you, I wouldn't bother with talking,” a definite wicked edge to his suddenly husky voice. The blush deepened.
Wow! What he lacks in performance, he sure makes up for in bedroom talk she thought dazedly, then shook herself. "Well...according to Buffy, talking is all ya got going for you, big guy." The grin on his face fizzled in an instant.
“250 years experience and a girl has to fake it with you?” She added with an evil snikker. The taunt drove home with the precision of a stake to the heart. And then she finally risked a glance to his face and grinned at the wounded outrage on his face.
“243,” Angel corrected her with a definite growl lacing his tone. “And she didn’t fake!” he insisted, more than a little angry now. This slip of a girl was daring to jab at his prowess with the women? Maybe he should forget talking altogether and show her just what kind of pleasure he was more than capable of giving!
Not liking the predatory gleam that now lit his eyes, Cordelia prudently decided it was time to start moving again. “If you say so,” she replied and rose from the tombstone and held her spike-heeled shoes in front of her body defensively, then slipped around him and started walking.
His mouth tightened in frustration at her faux innocent look, Angel shoved his hands deep into the pockets of his pants, and attempted to shake off the urge to strangle the wench. It would be a satisfying experience. Not as satisfying as the other things he could picture doing in his head right now, but it was definitely on his list of to-do things where Cordelia Chase was concerned.
But none of it would go down well with the others – especially the strangling portion of it. Angel sighed heavily. He was just glad she wasn’t on speaking terms with Harris. That boy would have a field day with it.
“Ooo...Oh...Ooo...” All thoughts of revenge and potential embarrassment- and the added vision of separating Harris’ head from his shoulders melted away at the odd sound coming from the girl a few feet ahead of him. Within a blink of an eye he was directly in front of her.
“Are you okay?” he asked, temporary concern overtaking annoyance, then he frowned as he took in the almost rapturous expression on her face.
“Oh...Oh god...Ooo Oh God...Oh...Oh...Oh...Oh God...Oh yeah right there” Cordelia’s hips started rocking subtly, and Angel’s eyes dropped to watch almost hypnotized by the erotic sway.
“Oh! Oh...Yes Yes Yes Yes Yes Yes...Oh...Oh...Yes Yes Yes....Oh...” her free hand lifted to briefly cup a deliciously full breast and drool again exploded in his mouth. The hands in his pants clenched for a totally different reason now, and it took all of his restraint to keep them there and not reach out to follow the same path as hers as it traced its way down her ribs until it pressed enticingly into her taut belly.
“Yes Yes Yes” Her hips rolled at a quicker pace, her mouth parted and the tip of her tongue emerged to lave her lower lip. One of the hands in his pocket curled open and the tips of his fingers ran the length of his unbearably aching shaft.
“Yes Yes Yes...Oh...Oh... Oh... Oh God Oh... Oh...” by the time Cordelia’s eyes rolled into the back of her head, Angel’s hand was literally riding his rock hard cock, and the other had left his pocket to grip her writhing hip. Practically leaning into her.
“Huh...” a long, drawn-out sigh painted his hovering mouth with moist heat -then she blinked, opened her eyes and smiled smugly up at him.
“Aren’t we supposed to be looking for a slimy, acid eating monster? Hello?” Snapping her fingers in front of his stunned face, she grinned artlessly, and then frowned in mild consternation. “Angel? You in there?” It was Angel’s turn to blink – several times, and then he took in the slightly worried expression on the face surprisingly close to his.
Clarity came to him as abruptly as a bucket of ice-cold water. Not only was he leaning over her smaller figure like a ravenous wolf about to eat a well-needed feast, but also one of his hands was still wrapped around his rigid shaft, and the other clutched at her hip like a lifeline. Clearing his throat, and thanking the Gods Cordelia hadn’t thought to look lower than his face yet; he quickly pulled both hands free and stepped back.
“Is that drool? Ewwe!” Even as she said it, Cordelia couldn’t help but grin up at him smugly. He was SO sucked in! Taking a deep breath and feeling a flutter in her belly when his dark eyes slid instantly down to her heaving breasts, she cleared her throat and stepped around him.
“Come on, big guy; times a-wasting.” Cordelia called over her shoulder as she began weaving gracefully though the graveyard, an awed grin spread her mouth wide at her use of the ‘big’ word. Hooboy! No wonder super-girl had to fake. Something that size had *gotta* hurt!...
It took Angel a moment to pull himself together. He shook himself, licked his lips and then adjusted his uncomfortably tight pants and turned to follow after the rapidly disappearing brunette.
“You SO wouldn’t have to fake with me,” he muttered under his breath, as dayamn, that was one hell of an orgasm. But it wasn’t perfect. For a start she hadn’t screamed his name- over and over until her voice became hoarse.
But that could be arranged, he thought with a salacious grin…
FIN
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(used for general site comments/queries also)
Scorchy’s Challenge:Can anyone remember the famous scene from When Harry Met Sally? Of course you can, who can forget it?!
The subject of faking comes up between C/A. Angel honestly thinks that women can't fake and Cordelia proves him wrong
This would be hilarious if it was done during BTVS years or even C/Aus!!!