Title: Fallen Angels
Author: Frazi
Posted: 01-2003
Rating: NC17
Email
Category:
Content: C/A
Summary: When Cordy can't find Angel telling her about her lost memory, she finds something that can help on her doorstep.
Spoilers: Season 3.
Disclaimer: The characters in the Angelverse were created by Joss Whedon & David Greenwalt. No infringement is intended, no profit is made.
Distribution: Just Fic is fine with me anywhere else just ask.
Notes: Okay I have a really bad case of writers block and its worse than being bloody constipated. I don't think this is one of my best fics but I just needed to get something out before I went completely insane! Don't hate me if this sucks! Please and if it does be gentle. Thanks.
Thanks/Dedication:
Feedback: Pweeeze?
Part 1
WILLOW
"BUFFY!"
The blonde girl looked and frowned at the unnaturally loud voice of her usually timid friend. She put the shirt she was folding on her bed and went to pull her bedroom door window open when it slapped back on its hinges and I stood there.
"Willow?"
"No! Mickey mouse! Buffy what did you do!"
The girl frowned. "What did I do when?"
"To spike!"
Instantly the blonde's face darkened and she turned away. "Leave it Willow."
"Leave it!? What do you mean leave it! He's gone!"
The slayer looked up startled then her gaze became cold. "Let the coward leave."
"Coward! Buffy this is the same Spike we're talking about that has been there fighting along side us for quite some time now!"
"Yeah. For his own personal gain. When he didn't get things his way, he left. Simple."
"Buffy." I calmed slightly, trying to contain the panic that was welling up in my belly. "Spike may be opportunistic, but he was not a coward. I mean look at all the times he's helped you."
"For his own reasons."
"Buffy!"
"Leave it Willow."
"He's gone! Did you for once think that maybe he did love you!"
The blonde looked up angrily. "That was never love! It was sordid and it was disgusting!"
I sighed. I should have expected this reaction. This was another thorn in our little rose garden. With Xander's wedding being called off. Tara dying. My dark period and Spike's 'ensoulment', we just didn't seem to catch a break. "That's not true."
"Isn't it? It was meant to be that way. It was meant to tell me things that I didn't know before. I'm not like that. I can't do what he wants me to do. I can't be his dark little slayer okay. It was never love. It was just lust and it ended when I realized we were just using each other. I may hunt in the night Willow but I don't live in it and I can't help be disgusted. My instinct was right. I'm a slayer. I don't belong with a vampire."
"What about Ang..."
"No. This is proof enough. With or without a soul Willow. Spike is a vampire and I am a slayer. Nothing he and I do or say will change that." Buffy picked up her folded blouse and walked to her cupboard. "I've thought this over Willow. It wasn't easy, but he's not the one for me. We don't belong together. We can't."
"You may have been lovers Buffy, but you were also allies."
"Yes. Reluctant ones." The young slayer sighed. "And he chose to leave."
I couldn't meet her eyes. "He didn't even say goodbye."
Buffy wrapped her arms around me. "Don't get attached Willow. He wasn't much for pleasantries."
"But you worked so well..."
"Worked. When we went beyond that Willow the friendship got left behind." The slayer pulled away and smiled ironically. "If there ever was a friendship."
I nodded. "Yes there was. He joked with me. He bickered with Xander. He even teased and tormented Giles. I mean in a good way Buffy. He did it in a good way and he cared about Dawn..."
"And he sucked face with Anya." Buffy let out a lung full of air. "Just goes to show his people skills were good."
"He got a SOUL for you!" I stared at her. "How can that mean so little to you Buffy!"
The slayer sighed and looked at the panic in my green eyes. "Doesn't that sound like something new?"
I frowned at the cynical rhetorical question. "Buffy, you can't be this callous...I mean..."
"Hello! Vampire Slayer here Willow. I was always ill at ease with him."
"But you trusted him."
"With my life." She looked into my eyes. "Not anyone else’s. Not yours and not anyone else from the Scooby gang and when you take me, you take the rest of us. My man will have to understand that. Spike never could. I didn't want to be his dark princess."
I bit my lip and looked doubtful. "I hope you're right Buffy."
"I can't do this Willow."
At the catch her in voice, I raised my eyes and saw her sit down on her bed. With a sigh I sat down next to her taking her hand in both of mine. She shook slightly. "Why not Buffy?"
"Because we all have to grow up sometime Willow. I can't go on a destructive streak and come out in the shelter of my mother anymore. I have to grow up to a responsibility of Dawn. I have to keep this sane and simple for her Willow." She raised her misty blue eyes to mine, her chin quivering. "I can't fall for a vampire and forget what I am. I can't be more than what I am."
I never understood why vampires and slayers couldn't just make peace. Wrapping my arms around the savior I held my friend as she held me. But I knew why two vampires had tortured souls because of this slayer.
***
CORDELIA
Hmph. It was a conspiracy. They just didn't make men like Hugh Jackman in real life. At least not like he was onscreen.
I sat on my couch a bowl of popcorn in my lap and the remote, while Ashley Judd jumped around like a cheerleader in front of a yummy naked Hugh Jackman. I should have been happy to be myself, but I knew that it wouldn't be long before I'd need to call a certain vampire or he'd show up at my doorstep with his concerned brown eyes. It wasn't half bad at the hotel but with the arrival of one very messed up slayer named Faith, who I couldn't seem to like for some reason, it was starting to get a little tedious.
Angel walked around eggshells while I was there, like he wanted to tell me something. Wesley walked on eggshells around Angel because he'd supposedly ruined his little baby; a baby that hadn't stopped making eyes at me and frankly I was starting to worry the boy needed a lesson in family values. And of course Fred and Gun just didn't seem to walk on anything while they were together. As if not remembering who and what you were wasn't enough.
Yes. I decided I liked the solitude. The green skinned demon singing was a pleasant distraction but with Faith's lovely mouth and all the insight into my previous life as Queen C in happy instances of the letter 'F' proved that I'd go crazy if I stayed there any longer.
True by the end of the next four hours I would be back at the hotel.
I sighed. It was hard trying to put life stories to pictures and names to face, but I'd been making progress. Now I wondered if I was remembering things or just recalling what I'd memorized. Every now and then I had to call Angel and get my stories straight. Maybe he was right. Maybe I should shift into a spare room at the hotel. I'd save money in phone bills.
It seemed like Dennis was the only one who seemed to understand my need for solitude. Besides, with him around it wasn't much of solitude. Maybe I could ask Wesley to come up with a spell to shift Dennis into the Hyperion. It must get boring for him with me away for so long. That way Angel wouldn't bother me so much about being unprotected and I could lock myself in the room if Angel bothered me too much.
As if. I scoffed.
When class of cherry juice floated over to me I smiled. "Thanks Dennis." I was about to raise the glass to my lips when the insistent pounding started. I yelped, the glass flying out of my hand, but the ghost caught it just in time as I stared at my front door being beaten down.
When it didn't stop I jumped to my feet anger bubbling inside me. Angel was going to get it. "ALRIGHT ALREADY! I'm coming! Stop trying to wake the dead." I blinked. "Oh. Sorry Dennis." Walking to the door I unlocked while the knocking still continued. With a grunt I heaved the door open and stared. "Oh my god!"
A very drunk platinum blonde vampire stood leaning against the doorway a bottle of Jack Daniel's in his hand and liquid blue eyes looking pained. "Cheerleader. There something I want you to do."
I watched him for a while before speaking. "What?" I knew this one. He was different thought. The sketch had caught him in brown pastels.
"Kill me a slayer?"
My eyebrows shot up. "What?" What had it been? Spark? Spook?
"Well I can't. Not with the bloody chip in my head. Then there's the soul trouble. So how about it love? Help a poor bloke mend a broken heart?" His big blue eyes pleaded silently with mine for a second.
I felt the urge to smile, but that would have only made the drunken vampire feel worse, so I stayed silent. It was strange. A part of me seemed to identify with him. I didn't know why. "Buffy?"
"No, I'm bloody talking about Cinderfuckingella! Of course Buffy! Isn't that what they bloody call this sitcom?"
I chuckled slightly. "No this one is called Angel." What was with all of Buffy's vampire rejects? Why did I end up playing nursemaid to them?
He seemed to ponder that. "Is that better?"
I couldn't help it. I burst out laughing. "So far."
The vampire nodded and stood as steady as he could. "Invite me in cheerleader, before I pass out."
"The name is Cordelia." I sighed. A quiet day I'd thought. I knew about his recently souled state, but I didn't really know him. I bit my lip. I was supposedly half demon and I was in need of answers. Having Angel around leaning in my personal space and trying to wrap those strong arms around me every chance he got wasn't helping me settle the storm of voices in my head.
Running away from Angel's little family...my family...hadn't really worked. I'd had to go back when I had a vision. Then I had to stay until Angel got back just to make sure he was okay. Occasionally I'd stay back longer to patch him up, but since Faith had returned, he'd had backup and I would be gone before Angel got back. Any excuse for avoiding the implications in his eyes every time he looked at me.
"Cordelia?"
I looked up startled at soft whisper of my name and met blue eyes. His forehead was leaning against the invisible barrier separating us. The pain was evident in his eyes and etched across his face in ageless tangents. I took a deeper breath. "Come in Blondie."
He grinned widely then his eyes rolled back into his head and he collapsed at my doorstep.
Great. I groaned. I never got a break did I? "Dennis. A little help please?"
Part 2
ANGEL
I walked down the stairs, my eyes running over the headline: LOCAL MAN DESCRIBES CAT WOMAN. Good description of the Kishbah demon. Damn these mortals. They had no idea how to tell the difference between truth and fiction. I shook my head as I stepped into the lobby just as Wesley’s voice boomed. "For the last time Faith, get OFF my European history book!"
I looked up putting the newspaper down on the counter. Faith blew out a bubble, her leather clad legs swinging off the counter as her eyes trained on the seething watcher. She was at it again. When Faith wasn't tormented with confusion she was tormenting Wesley. This time at least, she'd resorted to mental torture rather than physical and I found it a step up in the right direction. For now. "Faith."
The slayer turned and cast a smile at me that spoke nothing but mischief.Wesley had opposed the strongest to Faith's being there but he didn't voice his problems to Angel. He didn't dare. "Hey there Fang. Sleep well?"
"Get off his book Faith."
She turned her eyes catching Wesley's with firm indignation. "Tell him to ask me nicely."
I could almost see the fury smoke out of Wesley's ears, his fingers digging into his palms. His patience seemed at an end where the rogue slayer was concerned and I got a feeling it was because Faith had tortured him to near death. I could almost hear Cordy in the background. No duh. "Get OFF my book," Wesley ground out, the nerves in his temples working as his jaw tightened. "Please."
I watched with a raised eyebrow as the rogue slayer leaned forward and smirked.
Oh oh.
"Smile."
My eyes widened as Wesley lunged. "Wesley!" Leaning forward I grabbed the watcher by his arms and hauled him back as Faith jumped off the counter and Wesley's book with a burst of loud musical laughter and walked away.
"I'm going to kill her!" Wesley struggled in my arms and I sighed unnecessarily.
"Wesley..."
"I'm going to bloody KILL HER!"
"Yo Dog. Calm down man." Gunn stepped into the lobby holding a steaming mug. He smacked it down next to Wesley's book. "Here. Drink this. Damn! You really need your morning fix don’t you!"
The watcher's blue eyes were sparking with fury, but he relaxed in my grip. "I'm calm."
Letting go of Wesley I noticed Faith drop into the couch. With a shake of my head I walked around the counter and glared at Faith. "Must you do that?"
She only smirked wickedly. "He's mean to me. It's only fair."
"I wonder why."
Her dark eyes lifted with a glare. "You shouldn’t be talking, I'm-the-bitch-of-atonement, Fang."
I hate her when she does that. "Brat."
***
WESLEY
I fixed my glasses higher on my nose breathing slower now as I tried to bottle the murderous rage at the gall of the woman seated not too far from me. Picking up the tea I took a sip and the smell of rosemary seemed to clam me slightly. It was hard. Harder being a friend to Faith than it was being a friend to Angel. The vampire still didn't believe in me. I grit my teeth as I took a gulp of scalding tea. I didn't believe in Faith, but she seemed to always be there. Around me, beside me, getting under my skin trying to incite me to lash at her to scream and hurt her, almost as much as I wanted Angel to do the same.
Sometimes apologies just weren't bloody enough.
***
ANGEL
I looked up at the fine lines of control on Wesley's face as Fred came out with a tray of cups. She stopped in front of me and I looked up with a blink. She smiled slightly and nodded at the mug at the far corner. The soft smile of the physicist was suddenly replaced with a wide-mouthed grin and tumbling tresses of mahogany hair and the smell of cinnamon and French vanilla, the soft touch of coppery skin and tingle of warmth across my fingers.
"Angel?"
I snapped out of my thoughts to see Fred watching me with a frown. "What?" Dammit. I spaced out again. If I didn't stop doing that one of them would find out exactly what was distracting me. Gunn had almost noticed while we'd been fighting the Kishbah demon last night. If it hadn't been for Faith I would have remained in La La land and ended up with a severed head.
~La La land?~
I winced at the demon's timely gibe. I had been thinking of Cordelia, but I didn't realize I'd been thinking like her.
Damn.
"Angel?
Oh oh. I did it again. "Hmm?"
"Are you okay?"
I averted my eyes as I reached out and picked up the mug of warm blood. "Yeah. Where's Cordy?" I almost said 'Where's my Cordy'.
~Oh good move. Bring her up at this point. Remove all doubt.~
Shut up Angelus.
I looked up to check if anyone had noticed the soft growl that had escaped but no one was yeilding stakes so I assumed they hadn't. Whew.
Fred offered Faith the cup of coffee and Gunn picked up his hot chocolate from over her shoulder, his cheek skirting across her ear long enough to make her smile. "She said she needed time to herself."
I looked up startled as the young physicist continued to smile at her boyfriend. Beside me Faith rolled her eyes at the ignorant couple and I tried not to show my disappointment at the news. She wasn't here. She wanted to be alone.
She wanted to be away from me.
~Morbid much?~
I raised up the mug and drained the blood. Anything to shut him up.
As the blood disappeared down my throat, I stood and wiped the back of my hand across my mouth to erase the telltale fade there. "Anyone seen Connor?"
"He came in late, and then disappeared into his room." Wesley didn't look up from his book. The topic of my son was never happy for Wesley, that much I knew.
I watched the guilt chase the frown across his forehead and I didn't ask more. I was still trying to come to terms with having the man in the same building much less in the same room. But after almost losing Cordelia, I'd had come to realize how much I could lose. Wesley's intentions didn't concern me. My demon didn't approve, but my soul knew what it was like to make mistakes. Hell, I wrote the damned book. Still the doubt made me sadder. If Connor had stayed with me and...me, would he have been such a smartass pain in the neck?
~Do you want me to say DUH?~
Grrr.
~Hmph. Fine.~
So I caught the watcher before they did. Not even Wesley deserved to be manipulated by Wolfam and Hart. "How late Wesley?"
Wesley looked up at the direct question with surprised eyes. What I couldn't talk to him anymore. True I hadn't addressed him personally with his name in a while. In a LONG while. So what? "Um...three I think. Up and around that time. I'm not sure."
I was about to say more when the front door opened. I turned and went perfectly still. There was a sinking in my stomach as I took in the figure. Godammit. Not again. "Willow."
The redhead shifted the bag on her shoulder and gave me a hesitant smile. "Hey Angel."
I was instantly in front of her. "What's wrong?"
She blinked slightly startled. "Um...nothing. Oh god no. It's okay! She's okay." She raised her arms as if in explanation. "No one's hurt. Everyone's okay. I just...well...not everyone, but I didn't know..."
I frowned not following her babbling, but that wasn't new. "Willow?"
She clamped her mouth shut. "Hmmm?"
"What's wrong?"
She bit her lip, which was never a good sign. "Well...it's Spike."
I tried not to be surprised. I mean I think I tried too hard because my response to her declaration was nothing short of bored. Think I over did it.
~You think!~
"Spike?" What was my childe up to now and why did everyone think that I could tame him anyway? He never listened to me.
~He listened to me.~
Dominatrix isn't my thing, so piss off.
~Wuss.~
"Well..." Willow took a deep breath and looked around the doorway and I realized that I was interrogating her at the doorstep. Great. Just what hospitality desired. The Scourge of Europe hadn't been uncivilized.
~Angel-puss on the other hand...~
It was damned hard to speak with gritted teeth, I tell you. Angelus had been getting rather verbal since my decided attraction to one delectably, obliviousseer. "I'm sorry Willow." I stepped aside. "Come in."
She shot me a wavering smile before stepping over the threshold and walking into the lobby. She waved at the man behind the counter. "Hey Wesley."
"Hello Willow." He nodded.
Gunn nodded his greeting and then Willow's eyes fell on the dark haired slayer sprawled on the couch. "Oh goddess! Faith!?"
"You look like you've never seen one before." The slayer snorted and sat there her elbows leaning on her legs as she held the hot cup of coffee in between her hands. Good way to win friends. I shot the difficult slayer a look and she returned with a 'bite me' shrug. I made a mental note to talk about public relations to her.
~YOU!?~
Since when could I scoff and insult myeslf? Looks like I was hitting and allnew low now. Okay maybe I'd get Wesley to talk to her. If he doesn't killher first.
The witch next to me took a gulp of air and looked at me then back at Faith before she colored. "I...no that's not what I mean. I thought...I mean...wow. You're out."
Faith's eyes were apathetic. "Whoopie." She stood and walked out of the lobby without another glance at the familiar witch. Not the warmest reply but I know the last thing she needed right now was Willow reminding her how much she'd changed. More than she needed Wesley's cold blue eyes. I understood why it was important for her to get the acceptance and forgiveness there. I just didn't think I could do the same for him.
When none of us made the move to end the thick tension in the room, Fred stepped up helpfully to Willow her hand sticking out as she smiled brightly at her. "Don't worry. She only looks threatening. I keep telling her she needs color, but she never listens. I'm Fred. We've never met, but I've heard about you. Would you like some hot chocolate?" She held up her mug.
Willow smiled back slightly caught off guard by the girl's bubbly tirade and I hid a smile. Faith's lack of PR was more than enough made up by Fred's frank friendliness. Thank the powers that be.
"Er...yeah. Sure." Willow took the mug and stood awkwardly shifting the strap of her bag on her shoulder. I touched her elbow gently and nodded at my office. "Come with me."
~Do you think that's deliberate? You think hole and you think your office.~
ANGELUS!
~Wuss.~
Willow trailed behind me as I opened the door and let her through. With a small sigh she dropped onto the edge of one of the chairs, her bag sliding down her shoulder and she put it on the floor next to her. "Thanks."
I sat into the chair beside her, my arms braced on my knees as I clasped my hands together. "What about Spike?"
Willow took a deep breath. "He's gone." She looked up into my eyes. "I wanted...I'm not sure he's okay. I mean a lot has been going on...I mean with Spike and B..." Her eyes shifted darker as if in guilt and my senses went on alert. I had a feeling the witch didn't want to have this conversation, which made me wonder why she'd come this far to have it in the first place.
"Willow?"
Her breath shuddered as she looked down into her mug. "He's got a soul."
I visibly jerked away with surprise as I stared at the witch, not able to comprehend the words she'd spoken. "What?" My voice cracked unnaturally. "WHY?"
She didn't look up. "He's been helping Buffy...us. I mean all of us."
~Spike and Buffy!?!?~
Suddenly the implication of what she was trying to say was all too clear to me. I wasn't sure if I liked the idea, but the jealous fire wasn't strong enough to suppress the truth. Buffy was easy to love, much like a certain brunette I knew. "He got a soul for her."
~SPIKE and Buffy!?!?~
Her green eyes snapped up to mine with relief and some panic. "Yes. No...I mean, in way you could say that, but they didn't sleep together or anything." Her eyes widened and I frowned at the blush that crept up her pale cheeks. "Oh goddess I didn't mean it like that. I just meant that he's a little confused and Buffy isn't. I mean she knows and it's not easy..."
~SPIKE AND BUFFY!????~
CORDELIA AND ANGEL!!!
Angelus was silent and I sighed softly trying to find the right words, my hand coming to sit on her shoulder before I squeezed gently, reassuringly. A lot had happened here too, but I figured I'd let her finish before I told her the LA story as Cordelia usually called it. "Willow. It's okay."
She swallowed audibly, her fingers gripping the cup tightly, her frame shaking. “Angel...it's...I don't know why. I mean Buffy says it's over between them and I'm worried about him. He left without saying goodbye. I mean we weren't bosom buddies that he should kiss us all bye bye before leaving, but he'd become a part of us you know. A Scooby." Her eyes flickered with sadness.
"He didn't try and eat us anymore. He cared. About Dawn especially and I liked the way he picked on Xander and the way he tormented Giles and goddess Angel he left his Desoto! He never leaves his car! He loves his car! I'm worried about him Angel and I know I shouldn't be. Buffy says I shouldn't be but he's a friend. I mean its messed up having a vampire for a friend but gosh, you're a friend and I care about you and Spike is just..."
I covered her mouth gently with my hand a smile spreading across my ownmouth as she babbled unstoppably. I had missed her. "Slow down." Pulling my hand away, I let her take a deep breath. "We'll find him."
"What if he's walked into the sun?"
"Easier said than done." I ran a hand through my hair. It was proof enough that I was still here in one piece. With the amount of times I've wanted to die, if I was that stake happy I'd have taken the walk myself. "It's not as easy as you might think. Walking into the sun. What we are is hard to give up and Spike has always embraced his demon. He's not one to give it up because of a broken heart." My eyes held hers. "Or a broken soul." Willow's lower lip caught between her teeth, her green eyes misty with concern and I once again marveled at the loyalty in the witch. It never ceased to amaze me. "Now tell me what happened."
Part 3
SPIKE
If this was hell, I wanted a recount.
With a groan I tried to lift the dead weight on my eyes.
Shitty thing about hangovers, they make you want to die. Of course that would be hard for a bloke who's already dead.
I groaned. The tremendous headache and the dull ache in my chest were making me weak. Not to mention I was hearing voices. I tried to raise my hand to touch my temple where I could feel the throbbing pain. It was as if someone was drilling a bloody stake through my head. With a muffled curse I lift my head and forced my eyes to open. The dark walls swam into focus as I took in the unfamiliar surroundings. Where the hell did I walk this time?
Then the smell of cinnamon and fresh blood floated up my nostrils and my eyes cleared. Bloody hell I was hungry.
"Sleep well?"
I turned my head a little too quickly and everything spun out of focus. Losing what little hold I had had on my body I tumbled down onto the floor tangled in the sheet that had been covering me. "FUCK!"
Two creamy feet stood before my face as I groaned into the carpet. The devil had pretty pick toenails. I followed the toes up soft ankles, a silver chain linked around the left and up shapely legs, my prospects of being in hell already looking up, and followed the line of the knee-length black skirt and a soft gray blouse stretched over ample breasts, a long column of bitable throat and a wide mouth before I met the hazel pools. "Oh bloody hell." Cordelia Chase. Even in my half fogged up brain I knew Cordelia Chase equaled LA and LA eventually computed to my poof sire. "Say it ain't so."
An eyebrow arched and she squatted down to my level a mug of blood thrust under my nose and I almost gagged. "Drink this; I don't want vampire puke on my rug."
Sitting as upright as I could manage I squinted at her and took the mug from her. "I'm in Hell A?"
"Good guess." She smiled wide, and I winced at the brightness. Now I knew what the poof meant about sunshine. "I didn't know vampire hangovers were this bad."
"It takes a while." I took a sip of the blood and recoiled. "GAH! Wot the bloody hell is in this!?"
She sat down beside me her legs curled under her and smirked. "Blood, tomato juice, Jack Daniels and a spike of cinnamon."
"You spiked my blood." Weird didn't being to explain this girl.
"It's a vampire bloody-Mary, I think. I don't know how I knew how to make it. I guess I've made it for Angel on a previous account which isn't very encouraging by the way." She frowned. "That would mean I've seen him either drunk or hung over, neither of which I think is appealing." And this explanation was supposed to make me drink this concoction. "Are you going to stare at me all day or drink it already?"
I took an unnecessary breath before pouring the liquid down my throat. Even without tasting it I could feel my insides quiver, but the drink packed enough punch to shake the haze from my head. What was I supposed to do? Thank her?
I looked up to see her watching me hopefully. Ah hell. "Thanks," I mumbled,hoping she wouldn't hear me.
"No problem Spark." She patted my shoulder and I suddenly felt like a little school boy.
Then I frowned at her. "Spark?"
"That's your name right?" She got up and took the empty mug from me.
My frown deepened. "Spark?" Was she implying something?
She rinsed the mug as I stood slowly my hand pressed against my temple. What a really wanted to do was ask her if she could help me get off the bleedin' rollercoaster, but she was wiping her hands and looking at me with a sheepish smile. "Spook?"
My mouth dropped open slightly. "Spook! You forgot my bloody name!?"
She gave me a weak laugh. "Well. Among other things."
"What bloody other things!? You forgot my NAME!"
She glared suddenly. "Hey! Stop with the pressure. You weren't the only one."
"What the hell is that supposed to mean! A bloke gets a bloody soul and suddenly nobody knows who he is!"
She sighed. "Look, I'm assuming you haven't been around here a while. You're Angel's little boy..."
"CHILDE!"
"That's what I said..."
"NO! It is NOT the bloody same thing."
She put her hands on her waist and glared at me. "Will you stop yelling; you're upsetting my ghost."
I fell into the couch my head falling into my hands. Maybe I'd walked into a portal and landed in an alternate dimension because suddenly nothing was making sense. I had the distinct memory of coming to the cheerleader, banging on her door and begging her to kill me a slayer. Everything before and beyond that was a jumble of voices that my mind couldn't process in my current state. The couch dipped and I smelled the fresh soap from her shower.
"Look. It's been a difficult time here. I can't remember a lot past the last few weeks and don't ask me why because I don't have answers, only questions and the only reason you're here is so you can help me answer some." I looked up to see the warm hazel of her eyes glitter with confusion.
"You got amnesia?"
She nodded. "Freaky huh?"
"Is this a bloody joke?"
She glared. "Does it LOOK like I'm Chris Rock?"
I couldn't help smile slightly. "You're built better."
"Of course, but that's not that point. The point is I can't remember much and what I do remember is mostly from my journal, which is very pretty and incoherent, or from Angel who doesn't go past, 'you're a great person Cordy'. So help me out here okay. I nursed you back to health. I deserve a little payback."
"I was drunk not dying."
"Close enough." She shrugged and leaned back in her couch.
I ran a hand through my already disheveled hair and leaned back next to her. "I'll tell you yours if you listen to mine."
"Deal."
A hand was thrust under my nose and I almost jumped. This girl was bloody scary. Taking her hand I gave it a firm squeeze then pushed it away. "Shoot."
"That's your name?"
My head fell back against the back of the couch and I closed my eyes. Stake me now.
***
ANGEL
My childe was loose in LA.
I shook my head at the double meaning there as I walked out into the backyard as the sun disappeared. Connor didn't like the idea of living in the same hotel, but in a world he knew nothing about, he was smart to stick close to the only place that he could call home. I knew the only reason he was still here was Cordy. I snorted softly. Him and everyone else. If it hadn't been for Cordelia, he'd have lost all of them a long time ago.
I took a deep breath, letting the crispness of the night enter my body and replace the stale air in my lungs. Everything had gone so horribly wrong. It had been almost normal and then it seemed to crumble. We never seemed to get a break. From losing Connor, almost killing Wesley and losing Cordelia in way that I'd never get her back were enough to make me reconsider the merits of fighting the good fight. But then that was never my choice was it. Faith was right. Atonement really was a bitch.
Spike probably felt just as lost. I've had my soul for a while and it still doesn't become any easier with each dawn or dusk. I could only imagine how hard it was for Spike right now.
"Angel?"
Can't a vampire get a moment of peace? I suddenly realized why Cordelia had moved out. With a tolerant expression I looked up at Wesley as he stood a few feet away in the clearing. That was when I realized. I had invaded his solitude. I should say something. "Wesley."
The man stood there, his hands by his sides, the new moon casting shadows across his face.
What the hell do you say to man that took your son from you. "Nice night."
"Yes." He looked away as if unable to hold my gaze.
"Cordelia didn't call?"
"No."
"Oh."
"I should go..." "I should go."
Our eyes met.
"No you stay." "You stay."
He took a deep breath. "I better get back to work." He started to walk past me to enter the hotel.
"What is it that you do now Wesley?"
He froze, his head not lifting. "Pardon?"
"Now that you're back. What do you do here?"
I saw his Adam's apple bob slightly as he swallowed. "What I always did Angel. Research."
"Maybe you should try something else. That's not really your strong suit."
He looked up sharply and I felt a stab in my chest at the panic in his blue eyes. I understood then how scared he was. Not that I would hurt him physically, but that I would throw him out and I part of me wanted nothing more than to toss his English ass on the sidewalk. But Lord only knows I'd done unspeakably things and I was familiar with what he was feeling at that moment. If I judged him enough to die then I judged myself the same way.
I knew what it was like to not have anyone to believe in you. I averted my eyes, a frown marrying my forehead as I tried to explain. "Maybe you should train Faith." His eyes widened slightly his mouth parting in surprise. "Be
her watcher." I shoved my hands in my pockets. "She needs guidance and we don't have anything catastrophic happening. You should help her."
"Angel, I don't think..."
"You want redemption?" My voice was a little harder than I had intended.
His eyes didn't waver this time.
"Help her. She's more lost that you think and I'm no watcher."
Sometimes a little push is all they need. With a nod, Wesley walked out of the courtyard and into the hotel, but the rigid tension had left his spine.
Vampire or human. We all had our demons.
~Some are luckier than others.~
I sighed. Woe is me.
~Call Cordelia.~
No.
~You want to.~
No.
~A call to say hi.~
No.
~She's probably sitting in her frillies.~
NO! I growled my hands gripping the back of my office chair. I blinked. Oh hell. I'd already crossed the courtyard into the hotel and into my office. No Angelus, I will not call her.
~You want her.~
Yes.
~You miss her.~
Yes.
~Call her!~
I reached for the phone.
Part 4 |