Go TeamC/A
-
Title: How Could An Angel Break My Heart? - and sequels
Author: Califi
Posted:
Rating: PG-13/maybe N-17
Category:
Content:
Summary: Cordy wakes from her coma, but things arent the same- Angel's not the same ...
Spoilers:
Disclaimer: The characters in the Angelverse were created by Joss Whedon & David Greenwalt. No infringement is intended, no profit is made.
Distribution: just ask
Notes: Ive since added four sequels (so far) Which I have added below.
Thanks/Dedication:I originally posted this in the stalking thread to show Nairi that my Muse has ran off with the...someone that isn't me and to show her just how crapola my fic is at the mo. Anyhoo, Nairi & Kim said they liked my effort, so here it is.
Feedback: please - and thanks in advance
ONE"Why wasn't I told?" it took a moment for it to sink in that he'd have to release her throat to get a reply, and he reluctantly did so.
Harmony slid down the wall and once again wished she hadn't been the one to tell her boss; although, she hadn't really thought he'd be that bothered. So, being Harmony, she told him that.
"She made me promise not to." Angel raised a brow at that. "Well, she was my best friend, ya know- and as I’ve never heard you even mention her name since I started working for you, I didn't think you'd be that interested anyway." He flinched but let it go.
Since he hadn't visited Cordelia once in all the time she'd been here, Angel couldn't stand there and refute Harmony’s assumptions, could he?
"You filled her in on everything, I assume?" he asked, his voice gravelly with tension Why else would she not want to see him? Harmony shook her head, and for a moment Angel relaxed a little.
"Didn't have to. She said she's been up there since the night you were supposed to meet- had a bird's eye view, apparently. Said she wasn't impressed." Harmony rubbed her sore throat and took a step back at the surge of blind anger and pain in the vampire's eyes; surprised and thankful when he sank down onto his leather couch and covered his face with slightly trembling hands.
"Did she say where she was going?" Angel didn't bother to move his hands from his eyes.
"Nope' said there was no point in dragging it out – oh, and she said to say Hi to Buffy; and send her apologies for not doing it in person – but things to do, places to go…" he pressed his fingertips into his closed eyelids hard, and then rose almost wearily to his feet.
"Three days, Harmony; three days!- were you planning to tell me anytime soon?" the blonde vampire shifted her feet and gazed fixedly at her black patent black heels with avid interest.
"I didn't know you were gonna, ya know, visit her- so, no. Like I said, we thought you weren't interes-"
"We?" the word was torn out of him as he took a step forward; Harmony took another one back.
Yeah…she kinda bought the clue on that one, boss." She would have grinned, but kind of liked her face the way it was. "I didn't say anything; promise!" she assured hastily. "She just thought you'd be glad she left."
Angel turned his back on his secretary and discreetly wiped suddenly moistened eyes, then walked over to his desk. Harmony took that as a dismissal and gratefully trotted towards the door – then stopped abruptly.
"Oops! Nearly forgot! Cor said to give you something – and Spike said thanks for the lodgings, and he'll take real good care of the 'cheerleader' – he went with her, by the way- ACK!" her feet left the ground and her back hit the door; but she was glad he held onto her arms rather than her neck this time.
"Spike?" even through a snarl, she couldn't fail to hear the word. She nodded warily.
"She needed a Champion, she said- and as you resigned to become Satan's Toady- her words, not mine…" she sighed in relief when he dropped his hands and stepped back. "Spike offered – he found her awake, by the way; he visited a lot- kinda taken with her... said he felt sorry for the way her friends threw her aside like so much trash," Angel flinched and dropped his darkening eyes.
"So they went." Harmony prattled even as one hand felt for the door handle behind her; holding out the other with the almost forgotten package. "This is for you; can I go now?" Angel slowly reached out and took the small flat package and turned his back on the blonde.
"Cordy asked me to pick it up for her – couldn't find it, so I downloaded it off this file-sharing place on the Internet. I'll be outside if you need me…" Harmony inwardly hoped he wouldn’t for at least a week, and made her escape.
Opening the package, Angel frowned at the circle of plastic within. He recognized her writing immediately:
"Angel: Thanks for the bed and board. Cordelia."
Striding over to the stereo, he placed the disc in and pressed play:
I heard he sang a lullaby
Yes, Buffy had arrived, and, God, he'd tried to make it work. Tried to forget the sleeping beauty several floors below. Thinking not seeing her would take the ache from his heart; but it hadn't.
I heard he sang it from his heart
When I found out, thought I would die
Because that lullaby was mine
I heard he sealed it with a kiss
He gently kissed her cherry lips
I found that so hard to believe
Because his kiss belonged to me
How could an Angel break my heart
Why didn't he catch my falling star
I wish I didn't wish so hard
Maybe I wished our love apart
How could an Angel break my heart
I heard her face was white as rain
Soft as a rose that blooms in May
He keeps her picture in a frame
And when he sleeps he calls her name
I wonder if she makes him smile
The way he used to smile at me
I hope she doesn't make him laugh
Because his laugh belongs to me
Oh my soul is dying, it's crying
I'm trying to understand
Please help me
How could an angel break my heart
Why didn't he catch my falling star
I wish I didn't wish so hard
Maybe I wished our love apart
How could an Angel break my heart
Angel had spent so many months feeling and acting like he'd been betrayed… and yet he was the true betrayer in the end. Giving up and trying to re-ignite feelings with Buffy while being in love with another… The one good thing in his life had now gone, thinking he'd long given up on her; could never forgive her for things she hadn't done He couldn’t blame her thinking the former to be true, but she was wrong about the latter - so the only dilemma he faced now was… what was he going to do about it?..
Regrets, Repression, and Other Crappy R'sTWO
Do you miss him?"
"I'd concentrate on keeping my head if I were you right now, bub."
"I got it…well, do you?"
"Nope!"
"I miss her. A lot."
"Can we not do this every time we fight?"
"When you answer the question, I'll stop askin'."
"Spike!" Shoving the stake in too hard had Cordy nearly falling flat on her face.
"That's my name – don't wear it out." Spike ripped off the head of the last of the vampires, then brushed his duster down and turned towards her.
Cordy rolled her eyes and snatched up the axe she'd discarded minutes earlier in favor of the trusty old piece of wood. Without waiting for the bleached blonde, she stalked out of the alley.
"Two months is a long time, Cordelicious; so give." Spike effortlessly caught up and swaggered along beside her, a small grin tilting his lips.
"If I say yes, will you really stop?" Cordy sighed heavily, shooting him a killer glance, but it bounced off him – unfortunately!
Two months of moving from city to city, and then onto England. Cordy doubted she'd ever get used to the weather here and swore each day to leave it all behind.
"I miss the sun more," she grumbled. "A sweater used to be an accessory; now it's all I wear – along with the super duper padded top-of-the-range jackets."
"Stop complainin' – at least you get to wear bobbly hats- and don't bother tellin' me you hate them too, cos I know different." Spike smirked as he cast bright blue eyes towards the shocking pink, multi-tasseled woolen confection covering her glossy shoulder-length locks.
"Last count, you had at least fifteen of the soddin' things." The smirk became a snigger, followed by a pained "owwwe" as she poked him with the end of the axe.
"You really miss her?" the comfortable silence was broken by her hushed query; Spike stiffened, then shrugged dismissively.
"Makes no diff; not like she misses me."
"She told you she loved you."
"Easy to say at the time; quick enough to jump into the pouf's pants when he could use it again." He sniffed inelegantly, wincing a little when Cordy flinched.
"Anyway, he told you that too, didn't he? How long did he wait before you went bye byes?" That was a low blow, but Spike had learned in the past months that the brunette preferred blunt honesty.
One of the reasons he tagged along; she was so much like him it was downright scary sometimes – maybe that's why they got along so well. This beat hanging around Peaches and winding him up all the time. Bloody wasted on the wank: no witty comebacks.
Angel may have been his Sire and a helluva lot stronger, but Spike always surpassed him on the verbal – thank God! And the more he got to know the ex-cheerleader, the less respect he had for his Sire. Intelligence didn’t necessarily stop you from being dumb- and the wank had that down pat.
Cordelia Chase was a keeper. Pity he hadn't really got to know her before falling in love with the Slayer.
So caught up in his thoughts, he hadn't realized said Cordelia Chase had stopped in her tracks, her lovely face scrunched up and annoyed- and poignant.
"He didn't say he loved me, so that means whatever he got up to when I…well, at the end of the day, he owed me nothing." Cordy kicked at an empty Coke can and watched absently as it skimmed across the tarmac of the road they'd turned into.
"But to answer your question; first there was electro-gal-Gwen something or other, followed by Fred- still can't believe that one, sheesh!" What was Fred thinking? Was it really as innocent as it seemed? She did have a major crush on Angel, so maybe…Cordy shuddered and pushed down the outrage that clogged her throat.
Why she'd sent him that stupid song was beyond her now; not like she had any rights regarding her ex-Champion. Didn't make it hurt less, though.
"Then there was Back-Door Eve." Spike reminded her, then cringed at the glare turned his way. "Just sayin'," he muttered, backing away a little.
"And then there was Buffy – his one Twu Wuv," Cordy's turn to cringe. "Anyway, that's all water under the bridge now." she patted his arm fondly and both continued to walk down the deserted street.
"We two make a helluva team, ya know." He sniffed and nudged her arm.
"That we do, me old mate!" She hooked a gloved hand into the crook of his elbow.
He grinned. "Struth, that sounded creepy comin' from you."
"Struth? Now who's the creepy one?" Laughter tinkled in the air as they sauntered along; a striking couple that would have made people point at and comment on if they'd seen them.
The dark, hulking figure noted the symmetry and swallowed a growl, remaining at a safe distance whilst keeping them in sight.
Neither one picked the silently stalking figure - which was strange, considering the blonde vampire's supernatural senses, and the ex 'Higher Being-ness', sensitivity, as Cordy had called it with a smirk.
Thinking – and God help them, talking about lost loves did that to you though; screwed you up and chewed you out, leaving nothing but aching rawness too painful to see beyond.
Both Hands GrabbingTHREE
"Where the hell does he get all that energy from?" Cordy griped turning off the bath tap with her toes- a feat she was pretty darn proud of!
Within minutes of getting back to their 'flat' [as apartments were called over the pond], Spike had decided to go clubbing, with an "I'll be back before light" and a big grin. All Cordy had wanted to do was soak away the bruises from two fighty encounters in one night.
Although the visions didn't hurt as much as before – which had nothing to do with being part demon, cos she wasn't actually part demon in the first place; the fighting more than made up for it.
Back to the part demon thing: more like 'a touch of Jasmine' that left her when the Ex Power exited her body- Cordy was so glad that the 'birth' hadn't been a normal thing, as stretch marks and inevitable gore would have ruined her body; as it was, it had returned to pre-mystic pregnancy and human.
Well, practically human.
Carrying around a Higher Being had left it's mark; her aging process had slowed down to a crawl "which isn't a bad thing, me still looking 25 when I get to 60", and her five senses were a lot more enhanced – plus she seemed to be a little stronger and heal quicker than previously, so she couldn't complain.
Anyway, to get back to the point, ‘cos this writer tends to waffle: no way was she up to partying all night long with Mister Pro-Plus; then sleeping the day away. Cordelia Chase had a tan to keep going!
She'd done pale after months stuck in a bed like a veggie burger without relish, and it hadn't looked good on her at all – so close to a Dru look-alike that she'd almost hyperventilated the first time she'd looked in a mirror!
Thirty minutes later, as Cordy looked in a much kinder mirror, she was glad to see her well-toned body once again golden [and a hell of a lot slimmer] – thanking God for Tan beds in this cold, drizzly 'why-would-anyone-wanna-live-here? Place- though the winter snow had been pretty cool. But no wonder the natives were so obsessed with the weather!
Wrapping a big fluffy towel around her chilling flesh, Cordy exited the bathroom and walked down the hall into her bedroom; frowning on finding the lights switched off.
"Spike being a power saver? And I'm a gobsmacked demon!" she huffed; ignoring the shred of truth in that statement and walking over to her bed to switch on matching lamps – then shrieked like a Banshee on seeing a big black-clad lump relaxing on her bed.
She almost made it out of the door.
Almost.
Damn vampire reflexes- was that fair?
"Is that any way to treat a visitor? I think my eardrums just blew out!" his voice shivered across the nape of her neck and she bent her head forward, scowling through her fear and annoyance on seeing that her bare feet were several inches off the floor.
Curling her fingers into claws, Cordy dug them into the leather-clad arm wrapped around her waist, grateful that her towel had stayed put. Thank goodness for full breasts!
"Put me down, you big, fat dumbass!" she screeched like a proverbial fishwife; her nails scraped ineffectually at the animal hide, so she kicked back instead - then gasped in pain when her heels hit what felt like steel.
She did not just hear him chuckle! Before any thoughts of further injury to the undead bastard entered her brain, she found herself flat on her back and playing the role of a human sandwich filling between mattress and-
"Angel! Get off me, you big, fat lug!" a touch of amusement flickered through those beautiful brown eyes; but didn't completely eradicate the dark annoyance also present.
"If you move off this bed, I'll tie you to it." He warned softly, hesitating for a moment before levering off of her and settling on the bed by her feet. "And lay off the fat comments- I'm not fat!" was that a whine?
"Says who?" Hah! Cautiously, Cordy half sat, resting her back against the plush headboard, her dilated eyes not moving from him for a second.
God, he was huge- in a yummy-ohgod-lemme-at-him way! She'd forgotten just how imposing the vampire's build was- or maybe had merely become used to Spike's leaner frame. His shoulders seemed as wide as the door, and so much black emphasized, rather than detracted from his heavily muscled frame. Cordy swallowed. Hard.
His large pale hands rested on powerful thighs casually, but she wasn't fooled; she could feel his coiled readiness like a palpable blanket, and knew her chances of escape were…laughable, to say the least. Harrumphing, she instead folded her arms; flushing when the move pushed up her breasts and drew his dark eyes. Feeling vulnerable enough, thanks very much! she shivered a little, then sighed with a little relief when his gaze lifted back to her face.
"Why the hell are you here?" Cordy eyed him with growing suspicion; he was far too comfortable in her room.
"You're looking…well, Cordelia." Ahhh, he was playing the polite, affable card. That was okay; she could do that.
"Cut the crap, Angel." Maybe not – One day I'll be Miss Tact – promise.
He sighed, but it sounded put on, and that made her feel like smacking him in that self-satisfied – yet-totally-kissable mouth – and that unintended thought made her want to smack herself too.
"You left me." He replied. As simple as that. Her eyes widened with shock and outrage. Was he kidding her?
"You did that long before me." His eyes narrowed, and she wondered what he was thinking [so are the readers, so here goes, from the beginning:]
Angel had watched them enter the building in a pretty rough part of London, and had taken up 'residence' on a nearby roof, figuring out what to do next, and inwardly digesting what he'd overheard. He'd deserved it, he knew that – but he also knew he wasn't leaving without her.
More leads than he could count had led him to England – after several weeks using W & H resources and a further handful of weeks traveling from one place to another personally.
The joys of owning your own plane meant being able to fly without fear of some idiot opening a blind and turning you into a torch; plus getting through Customs without a single delay – or problem. All he'd had to do then was search.
It had taken him almost a week of nights scouring London to find them – had then watched them take out half a dozen vampires and chat sweetly to one another afterwards.
How he hadn't emerged from the shadows and ripped Spike’s head off, then toss his woman over his shoulder and beat his chest, he didn't know. But it had been very close. The sight of his seer had given him pause too.
Angel was taken back to well over a year; the dark length of her chocolate hair, the slim yet curvy lines of her delicious frame…and that gorgeous face – that now bestowed blinding smiles to another man –pire! Nope, still wasn't sure how he'd contained the violence that filled his body at seeing them together.
Jealousy had eaten away at him like vitriolic acid; still did now.
When Spike had left the building twenty minutes later, a small grin of almost pleasurable anticipation had worked its way onto his hard face, and as soon as the blonde had vanished out of sight and scent, Angel had dropped to the pavement and entered silently.
The nerves he’d just shoved down deep; time for those at a later date.
Standing outside the door of the only apartment that gave off tell tale signs of human occupation, he’d belatedly wondered how he'd get inside – the mystics at W & H had informed him she was no longer half-demon; if she had been in the first place. But was she 'different' enough to nullify the vampire barrier human abodes automatically had?
The smile had widened with satisfaction – after forcing the door and finding no barrier to keep him out. Obviously her time up on high had wrought some changes that hadn’t been lost along with Jasmine. He could hear and scent her behind the bathroom door, resisting the urge to enter as he imagined the hot water caressing every delicious inch of her exposed skin; and after checking around found what could only be her room; relieved to find Spike had his own. If he had not… Angel didn’t even want to think about he’d deal with it.
Then he'd made himself comfortable on her bed, and waited.
And what an entrance! Delectable and practically naked – just the way Angel would prefer to keep her; most of the time, anyway.
His flinch when she shrieked enabled her to get as far as the door, but it gave him a valid reason to scoop her to him, so he didn't complain. Dumping her on the bed had been tempting too, but the fear and outrage that poured from those beautiful eyes dampened down his baser urges, and he sat back to give her a little respite.
Angel also resisted the urge to see if he could 'pinch an inch' on his waistline at her continued allusions to his 'fatness'; but that melted away when her eyes then proceeded to eat him. Ego back in line, he planned his next move…
"You did that long before me." She had replied, before the writer went and did a ‘earlier…’, and the hurt came rolling back. He folded his arms and pinned her with dark, intent eyes.
"Actually, you did it first- Point Dume ring any bells?" Cordy shifted uncomfortably; actually, he'd got her there-
"Yeah, true- but I figure I was under the influence of a certain crazy Power at the time; cos, hello? After what I'd been through on my birthday, could you really see me just… you know-"
"Going off without telling us first?"
Crap! that did kinda sound…
"Okay; so we're even – but!" Cordy leaned forward angrily; then sat back when her towel gaped and his eyes literally fell into her décolleté " At least I didn't jump on the first pair of lips that I came across." Get out of that one, Grr Guy!
It was Angel's turn to shift uncomfortably – why the hell did she have to know every-little-mistake he made? How fair was that, huh? Then his eyes narrowed.
"Groo comes to mind." He retorted; rather calmly he thought. Cordy 'pffted'.
"I didn't know how I felt then, so you so can't pin that on me, buster." Which was true. She didn't even realize she loved him at that time… plus it was kinda nice to suddenly be treated like a beautiful woman. So she said so.
"I thought you were beautiful way before that Neanderthal came onto the scene." Angel cringed. What was this? Maybe Gwen had been right: he was 12!
Cordy had to snap her mouth shut at that one, and grind her teeth. Count to ten, Cor.
"And you told me that – when? – Oh, this is ridiculous; I won't play this 'let's-see-who-dug-deepest' game, Angel. You're with Buffy now, so why are you here?" it hurt. It really hurt to put that unpalatable thought into words.
Why the hell *was* he here? And was the blonde powerhouse not far behind? Cordy didn't think she could take any more of this; why did he have to come and drag out all the pain of leaving him behind?
"I'm not with Buffy- haven't been for a few months, actually-"
"Did she dump you? - Not surprised really, big guy, ‘cos you aren't actually the loyal type, are you?" Yes, that was a low blow, but the way Cordy saw it was, she was the consolation prize- and no way was she gonna let that happen; nuh-huh!
How the hell did he do it? One minute he was staring at her like he wanted to strangle her, and the next she was flat on her back with a very powerful, angry vampire pressing her into the mattress. Part of her wished Spike would get bored and come home early, [yeah, riiiiight!], whilst the rest of her was glad, ‘cos Angel was a strong mean bastard and she didn't really want to see her new blonde Champion get chewed up and spat out.
Angel stared down at the face inches from her own and mentally shrugged at his loss of self-control. She fit him perfectly, and the fire in those gorgeous eyes drew him in like a kamikaze moth. He was a man [pire] of action; not fancy, witty speech – but at the same time, he knew he had to at least try.
"No! I ended it- then I found that Buffy also had…misgivings about us –seems she missed someone she loved too. No accounting for taste; but it's her life." God, she felt so good; he wondered absently if she tasted delicious too – he didn't doubt it.
His large hands cupped her face and he just looked at her, drinking in the perfection that was Cordelia Chase.
Loved too? Had Cordy heard right? Then she sighed in irritation. He was doing it again; avoiding outright conversation – and being far too touchy-feely for her liking right now.
Not that her heart wasn't doing leaps and bounds purely from the pleasure of having his luscious frame covering hers, but there was a time and a place – and she definitely wasn't the latter - not yet, anyway.
"You know, if you've come to talk, can we do it like normal people? You know; sitting in chairs facing one another – okay, so we aren't exactly what you'd call 'normal', but my personal bubble resents you squashing it." Cordy took a deep breath after that long sentence; well, she would have done if not for the heavy vampire squishing her lungs!
After several seconds of debating whether or not to acquiesce, Angel let out an exaggerated sigh and rolled off, settling on his side with a hand propping up his head.
This isn't a chair, Angel!"
"I got off you, didn't I? So talk." He grumbled, shifting back a little.
"Um…correct me if I'm wrong, but you are the one who's supposed have the 'mouth opening, sound coming out' deal going." How was it that they fell straight back into their easy relationship; him whining, her whipping ...okay, so not the visual I want right now! Levering up, Cordy swung her feet off the bed, flicking a cool stare at his face when he immediately grabbed her arm.
"You may not feel the cold, Mister I-have-no-body-temperature, but my goose bumps have goose bumps – so go make some coffee, and I'll be out in two shakes." Angel hesitated.
This could go either way. Was he willing to waste nearly two months searching for Cordy, only to have it blow up in his face by making the wrong call and kiss her to 'almost-death', using his body to aid his intention to get her back home – or did he give her space and act like a mature adult?
Dammit
"okay." Her brow rose at his surprisingly amiable reply, staring at his retreating figure as he left the room.
It took her a few seconds to get over the shock of his abrupt turnaround, then she galvanized into action. Off went the damp towel, and on went the flannelette PJ's, a thick toweling robe and big fluffy rabbit slippers. Cordy topped the outfit off with a pink fabric hair scrunchie, and then took a deep, calming breath.
Angel had his back turned to her when she finally entered the cozy little kitchen, and for a moment she leant against the doorframe and just drank him in.
Gone were the blue Armani suits like the one that he wore in the photo on the wall of Wolfram & Harts' lobby, and back was the soft black leather, black pants and scuffed Cat boots. This version wasn't as scary-looking or as stranger-like as the aforementioned photo, and Cordy wondered if it was deliberate on his part.
"So you kept your old stuff, then? " Moving forward, she pulled out a chair and sat at the small Formica-topped kitchen table, resting her elbows on the surface and cupping her chin on her hands.
"Why waste perfectly good clothes?" she snorted at his reply. Still tight with a buck; at least * that * hadn't changed.
Angel poured the coffee and finally turned to face her. He'd had a few minutes to think about his next plan of action whilst left to himself, and was still tilting between falling at her feet and begging for forgiveness; taking no shit and just bundling her up making a run for his plane, or sitting opposite her and talking things through.
He reluctantly sat down, inwardly patting himself on the back at the decision he made when her tense shoulders relaxed. Cordelia Chase knew him too well, and that was both gratifying and irritating. So going for Plan C and surprising her gave him the advantage he needed.
Where to begin…
Well, It Sounded Good At the TimeFOUR
He said he wouldn't leave without her. He was gonna take her back home and never let her out of his sight again. And then…reality comes crashing down, or dammit, stupid morals get in the way.
Now as he sat in the W & H plane heading back to L.A. Angel kicked himself over and over.
"Be mature, Angel; for once, do it right and you'll get the girl – yeah, right!"
He'd forgotten just how sharp Cordelia Chase was. The questions she'd thrown at him had taken them further and further away from the point of him coming after her, until he knew he'd unintentionally pushed her away even more than before.
"Talking never works for me- Shit! I should have just gone back to the old patented - though 'tempered' violence and tied her up, thrown her over my shoulder and ran like fuck. – But nooooo, I had to be Mister Sensitivity and go home with my tail between my legs!" Luckily, he was the only soul in the compartment, so his whining and growling couldn't be observed.
If only his hundreds of corporate employees could see him now!
The points Cordy had made were valid- crappy, and in no way helping his cause; but what had he expected? She always went for the jugular with an accuracy that scared even him, a vampire!
"I should have come prepared," hindsight is a bitch, and strengthened his belief that that had been desperately missing for a long time.
A lot of things had been missing since Cordy had left – and not just these past few months. Starting with working brain cells, an active conscience and practically all sense of what the hell he was *supposed* to be doing. He'd lost his heart with her going, or if he was honest- long before.
When she'd asked him to leave- stating unequivocally "I need time to think", his whole being had roared in savage refusal. But what was he supposed to do? Yeah, he could have just ridden roughshod and took her with him anyway [he'd done stuff like that before] - but love can't be forced; and that was what he wanted freely from her at the end of the day.
As much as Angel hated to admit it, the ball was in Cordy's court, and only she could decide the outcome. Didn't make it any easier, but he left – telling himself he'd give her a month.
Then the gloves were off.***
"Are you gonna go?"
"I don't know yet - stop asking me, okay? –Are you?" she'd had the grace to blush at the rise of his dark brow.
"Even though she hasn't bothered looking for me?" A quirk of the brow, then a heavy sigh. "You can't say the same." Spike sighed wearily.
"Sometimes just knowin' is enough; well, it is for me. Until that came to light I didn't feel much like fighting the outcome- gotta have some pride, aincha? But now I know?" he'd grinned without shame, "I'm right there. You comin' for the ride?" he already knew the answer, but he still didn't like leaving her here alone – not that she couldn't take care of herself.
"Cleveland doesn't appeal; among other…things, so I'm thinking no. I'm gonna hang round here for a while," she'd assured him brightly.
"I'm surprised the big pouf didn't hog tie you and take you anyway." Spike had paused, thought about it for a while then shook his head. "Nah, that would've been Angelus' plan; not the ball-less wonder's."
"Spike! Less of the crude, okay?" God, she missed the blonde vampire already.
A week had gone by and it had felt strange being left there all alone. The visions had mysteriously stopped a few days before he left after one last message from the toga twins doing the 'one door opens' spiel. He'd called her to say his arrival had caused quite a stir- and he sounded pretty happy about that; nope, they weren't together yet, but they were talking and things were 'getting there'.
Back to that chat about another souled vamp; 'talking and things' didn't really get anywhere for them.
Cordy's main beef had been the fact that no one had noticed the new and definitely not improved Seer, causing inevitable chaos and bringing raw, negative emotions to the fore. Although she hadn't been there, per se, having a bird's eye view of her own body doing things that would haunt her forever, to people she loved… not great for a girls resume - or mental health!
Waking up and looking through the eyes of said body again after so long was even worse. Fair enough, Jasmine had given cause for her best friend to be loath to look at her and be reminded of things too Ewwwe-ey to put into words – but what was the excuse with the others?
As the mind wipe had removed anything directly or indirectly involved with Angel's son, Wes, Gunn, Fred and Lorne had no idea of Cordy's role in their changed circumstances; as far as she knew, anyway – which meant no logical reason was there to resent her enough to forget her too.
Hell, their last memories of her [pre-Connor] had been good ones; especially with Wes and Gunn – so why the rebuff? They too had deserted her, seemingly more interested in their new 'mission' – if you could call it that! Cos, hey! One of their last memories had been of herself being physically hurt by the very Law Firm they were now working for – anyone remember the visions that manifested themselves into claw marks, boils and burns? Or did they remember more?
So she'd asked Angel that night about what exactly the 'spell' had accomplished, and it pissed her off even more to find he wasn't quite sure himself!
"I wasn't exactly compos mentis at the time, Cordy! My son had turned into a raging Sociopath and my best friend was in a mystical coma!" At least he'd had the sense not to sign his soul away; for that she could be grateful.
The deal had been to run the LA branch and take the amulet to the Slayer – nothing had been agreed regarding his soul- the extra bone thrown to secure that pesky fair-weather friend had had nothing to do with his decision.
"But it sure came in handy later, didn't it, Lover Boy?" that subject was quickly closed down – by both of them for the same reasons – especially when a certain go-between was mentioned.
"That was a spell- no happies there at all…in fact, it was all a haze." Actually, by the look of self-disgust in his eyes, he'd obviously wished it had been!
"What is it with you and sex spells anyway." Their eyes had clashed in memory, then slid away with a cough and a pink-tinted face respectively.
All in all, these beefs had built into a fully working cow.
That he'd left when she asked had been mostly a surprise- she thought mostly, cos, hell, when did Angel ever really play to win unless it involved demon gore and ripping heads off? But it was for the best; her feelings were all over the place and she had a lot to digest, regurgitate and digest again – the proverbial 'cow' was the perfect metaphor really.
The sound of the flight attendant's voice broke into her reverie, and ten minutes later the plane had landed. The walk through customs and several hundred travelers took a further half an hour before Cordy exited the Airport and entered a cab.
The driver looked at her oddly when taking her cases out of the boot, frowning at her choice of residence- hotels or houses were the usual stopping places when people came out of Airports with the amount of luggage the lovely young lady had with her. He soon forgot about it when she paid her fare and gave a generous tip for carrying them into the enormous lobby.
Without bothering to announce her arrival, Cordy left her bags where the cab driver had piled them, and walked over to the lifts. After the initial surprise, the receptionist scuttled over and pointed her to the right one, murmuring softly directions.
With a finger to her lips at the busty blonde [surprise!], she was rewarded with a small smile – and a sly wink? This place was definitely creepy; and way to all knowing for Cordy's liking; but that little problem would be dealt with later, she promised herself.
Seeing the Secretary post deserted helped – that part of her visit could wait indefinitely! Pausing in front of the imposing oak door, with the gold-coated plaque impressively in place, Cordy took a deep breath and entered without knocking.
Ahhh, the inevitable suit was in place- the jacket discarded at some point in the day, revealing a dark burnt orange silk shirt [that really suited him!] that was open quite a bit [which was delicious!]; his dark, spiky head was bent over his dauntingly expansive desk, oblivious to her entrance.Three, two, one-
"Cordy?"
"Hi, Angel; got a minute?"
Raking the AshesFIVE
Looking up to find the very topic of his thoughts standing in front of him made Angel blink several times. Was this yet another of his many fantasy daydreams?
"Hi, Angel. Got a minute?" Nope; his daydream Cordy always said something like "kiss me breathless" or "take me now, big guy!"
He slowly rose to his feet, still not too confident that the vision of loveliness would not melt away as he did so. When she didn't he surged to life.
"Ang-mmmph!" cool firm lips latched on to Cordy's and the strong arms practically lifted her off her feet, plastering her smaller frame against a wall of muscle making her feel not unlike a human overcoat.
Finally! he got to kiss the girl – no spells or possessions or hallucinations; and, WOW! Angel never wanted to stop… until he had to when she struggled to breath. But that was okay, cos there was plenty more soft, golden flesh to devour.
Cordy was seeing stars. Although she needed air desperately, he just tasted too good to think about unimportant things like breathing; but he came to himself and released her lips, instead latching onto her throat nipping, laving and kissing every single inch of exposed skin. The arms that held her suspended from the floor relaxed marginally and a large, cool hand slid up her back and crept between them – Cordy came to her senses when it cupped a breast and squeezed possessively.
"Whoa, Mister Grabby Hands!" she pushed back and after a small hesitation, Angel reluctantly let her go, but not before pinching her puckered nipple between thumb and forefinger first. She gasped and almost dragged him back.
"You came back," he looked down into dazed black eyes ringed with caramel. "I was beginning to think you wouldn't." Angel's hand shook as he palmed her soft cheek, stifling a growl when Cordy took a step back.
"I said I needed time; thanks for giving me that." She was still surprised he had.
Angel thanked the Gods she'd come; he'd earlier decided that waiting any longer was killing him, and had planned to return to London tonight to take the decision out of her hands – bad move, he knew, but he was a manpire; with needs and wants that overwhelmed his hold on that pain in the ass humanity. He grinned in relief that, one, she'd come under her own steam – and two: that the little firebrand would never know of his previous decision.
"Like you said, you needed time; Where you're concerned, I'll do whatever it takes" Angel replied. Except let you go his demon reminded as she pulled further back and walked over to sit on the leather couch.
He quickly followed, forcing himself not to sit too close – or pull her delicious body on his lap. Her head dropped and she watched her hands as they plucked invisible lint from her soft blue suede knee-length skirt.
All Cordy wanted to do was drown in more kisses and …things; to just be content with the knowledge that she was loved and desired – but her previous beefs were still there. As she sat on the plush couch in the plush Office- his office; in the plush building of Wolfram & Hart, the feelings of betrayal, confusion and anger resurfaced.
"I don't want to be here – in this place" she added at the immediate look of hurt and fear on his handsome face. "These people made our lives hell for years, Angel" she reminded him quietly. "And how many times did they try to hurt us- kill us – and now here you are, running one of their many branches."
"I'm not running it for them, Cordy- " Angel frowned at her 'pfft' and raised eyebrow, "This is MY business now; not theirs-"
"How can you be so dense? - Silly question!" Cordy muttered angrily, rising to her feet- only to be halted by his hand wrapping around her wrist.
She glared at it like it was some sort of poisonous snake, but Angel refused to let go, pulling her back down into the depths of the couch. She shifted away from the heavy thigh her ass was almost sitting on and scowled at him.
"I don't want to be here!" she repeated harshly, her fiery gaze pinning his defiantly whilst she wriggled the wrist still captured in his grasp; glaring anew when he still held on. " I won't stay here, Angel." The vampire stared back for a long minute then sighed heavily.
"Then I'll get us an apartment somewhere else; not a problem."
"Us? Whoa there, bub; aren't you jumping ahead?" okay, she wanted to be with him, no mistake about that- but was she willing to let him assume?
Agreeing to his 'assuming' meant power over her; the vampire had another think coming if he thought their relationship was going to be based on her being the 'little woman'!
As he watched the myriad of emotions run across Cordy's beautiful face, Angel felt that surge of fear that was always under the surface where his woman was concerned. Didn't she want to be with him? Wasn't that why she was here? – What if that wasn't the reason she came back – what if she'd come back to-
"Are you saying you don't want to be with me?" as much as he tried to hide it, Cordy picked up on that fear, and instantly reached over to cup his cheek.
"No! That isn't what- Angel; there are so many things wrong with this scenario- I mean, hello? Doesn't it seem just a little freaky – and, and- wrong that we're having this life changing conversation here of all places?" her hand dropped and she moved away- as far as she was able with his hand still holding onto her almost subconsciously now, as if he thought she'd bolt if he let go.
-Which wasn't too far from the truth right now. What had happened to her friend – her Champion? They'd gone over this until blue in the face in London, and still they were nowhere nearer to agreement- not even agreeing to differ would work.
And it wasn't just about them; Wes, Gunn, Fred- and even Lorne came into it too. She may not have been around physically, but the rifts had grown steadily since they'd taken the offer of a lifetime [yeah, right!] – and at a point when it actually looked like they were close to reforming the bonds that had fractured so terribly, originally. Just another mess to sort out- but first, Angel was her priority- as usual!
Angel hadn't replied- in fact, his expression was more or less closed, and that made her heart sink. Was she too late to save him this time? – And, hell, why was it always left to her to do it? Somebody up there must really have it in for her!
"Angel; I'm here for two reasons. The first is pretty obvious." She moved nearer and cupped his cheek again. "Yes, I love you," his face softened; "and I want to be with you- in every way that's possible," her wrist was released in favor of him sliding both arms around her back, but Cordy pressed her palms flat against his broad chest.
"I'm also here for my Champion. There's a vacancy with your name on it." This time, Angel pulled away and stood up.
"I quit the day they took you away from me – anyway, I thought you already had a 'Champion'; Spike." The name was spat out, along with an expression of distaste- and jealousy. Cordy rolled her eyes in exasperation.
"They didn't take me away, Angel; we know who did that. And as for Spike…he was a stop-gap- a darned good one, by the way-" she ignored his scowl and growl at that; "He has his own journey to explore, and it doesn't include me." She rose to her feet and walked over, placing a warm hand on his arm to halt his familiar pacing.
"I'm your seer, and you are needed for the Missio-" Angel grabbed her upper arms and pulled her against him. His face thunderous.
"Don't even go there, Cordelia. There is no Mission; there never was – it was all a lie; you know it as well as I." He snarled out every word, but Cordy, unperturbed, merely raised a brow at his formal name-calling.
"So you believed Evil!Skip; big wow! Evil guys tend to lie; like, always – jeez, Angel. What the hell happened to you?" Uh-oh! Sometimes Cordy forgot that blunt speech was not always the way to win an argument.
"What happened to me? Now there's a question; hmmm, let me think," sarcasm didn't suit the vampire and the woman held tight in his arms obviously agreed when she immediately attempted to put space between them, but that just made him madder, pulling her even closer until their lips were inches apart.
"You know what? I'm not gonna even bother to answer that, cos it's not like you don't already know my thoughts on it all, Cor. All that matters is that you're here, and that's where you're gonna stay." His mouth took hers before she could voice her outrage at his arrogance; stifling her words and taking advantage of her parted lips.
For several minutes, Cordy let herself drown as he took her on a sensual ride of a lifetime, but pesky ethics came rolling back to the surface and she managed to pull away when his iron grip had softened. She raised her hands in silent supplication when he immediately growled and made to yank her back into his arms – surprised [and a little disappointed] when he paused.
"You know what? I'm so in love with you that I won't- can't leave you again, Angel – but I still need a Champion, and if you won't do it, then I'll have to find another,"
"If you won't leave me, how are you gonna manage to do that?" Anger and confusion riddled Angel with not a little joy that Cordy had assured him on the former; but that was pretty much eclipsed by the thought of another man taking his place- no matter what role he may play.
"I'm sure the PTB will think of something" Cordy replied dryly." But the point is, eventually- if not instantly; we will end up on separate sides of the fence, and how long do you think the love will last when we're at each other's throats constantly business-wise?"
"Who said I'm on the wrong side of the fence?" Angel retorted heatedly. "Just because I won't be a tool for The Powers, doesn't necessarily mean I'm evil."
"Hello? Wolfram & Hart? Did you think they were trying to kill us for the good of all the past few years- Darla and a room full of Lawyers from this place ring any bells??" She cringed as the manpire she loved flinched, but she continued.
"My eyes, Billy; fake disfiguring visions - tainting your blood with Connor's; trying to take him for dissection-" he stilled on hearing his son's name, and Cordy decided she'd said enough – for now.
At his continued silence, Cordy sighed with weary resignation and walked to the door. Angel pulled out of his funk in an instant and beat her to it.
"Where are you going?" the edge of panic wasn't hidden, and her bright hazel eyes softened for a moment.
"I'm tired, Angel. It's been a long week and I need to sleep before the floor looks even more inviting than it does now. I've booked a room at the Holiday Inn-"
"Stay at my place" he cut in, the panic growing when Cordy shook her head; the cold edge creeping back into her eyes.
"I said I didn't want to be here; I recall you saying your 'place' is in this building now? Look, " she ferreted in the pocket of her matching suede jacket whilst turning to approach his desk. He followed mutely, watching as she pulled out a piece of paper and copied the details on a legal pad.
"That's the hotel and room number – but I don't want to see you there; especially in the next 24 hours; I'd say the next week, but even 24 hours is pushing it with you." A small grin touched those perfect lips as she leaned forward and kissed him chastely on the mouth. When Angel tried to increase the pressure, Cordy pressed her hands against him and pulled away.
"Don't; I'm too tired to fight if you push it, Angel, and I'd end up resenting you." He reluctantly released her and watched as she made her way back to the door.
"I love you, Cordy." She paused, flicking a sad smile his way.
"I know." Angel closed his eyes tight at the weight of regret in those two words.
Sorry to do this … but: TBC. *cringe*
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(used for general site comments/queries also)[song by Tony Braxton] absolutely gorgeous song.