Go TeamC/A
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Title: It Is Really Forever
Author: (Only)Anne
Posted here:
Rating: N-17
Category: angst
Content: A/C
Summary: Cordelia dies (sort of, hence the kudos' to Rysher & Davis, etc.)
Spoilers: sometime after "To Shansu in LA", Angel Investigations has a new office(a lot like the old)
Disclaimer: The characters in the Angelverse were created by Joss Whedon & David Greenwalt, & Rysher & Davis&Panzar &/or Gaumount. No infringement is intended, no profit is made.
Distribution:
Notes:
Thanks/Dedication:
Feedback:Please, but I am fragile
Part One
Chapter One:
Cordelia struggled against the chains. She yelled out Angel's name, hoping that her souled boss would hurry up and save her.
Cordelia was extremely pissed and uncomfortable, but she wasn't that worried. After all, Angel always saved her.
"There is no reason to strain your voice. Once he gets the message I left for him, I am sure, he will come rushing to play the role of the dark avenger and save the beautiful damsel. Or at least try," smirked Lindsay McDonald.
Cordelia glared at the Wolfram & Hart lawyer from her chained position at the edge of the dock. Her body was wrapped tightly in a tarp secured by several lengths of heavy chains. "He will so kick your ass, lefty."
Lindsay grimaced as he looked at his prosthetic hand. "I don't think so, not this time."
Cordelia was starting to get really nervous. The lawyer obviously wanted Angel to come and try to save her, which meant a trap and she was the bait. She so hated being the bait. She continued to struggle against the chains. She had to do something she couldn't let Angel be led into a trap. She just didn't know what.
She stopped when she heard the ring of a cell phone. She watched as the lawyer listened to the voice on the other end.
"It's time. " He hung up the phone. Lindsay moved towards her with a knife in his hand. Cordelia tried to move away. He grabbed a portion of the chains and pulled her to him. "You are so in for it now, unborn-again lawyer-boy. Angel will kick your ass."
"I don't want him dead, "Lindsay whispered. "I just want to destroy him, watch him self-destruct in agony and guilt as I take something he values away. Because I saw, hell I felt, how he reacted when you were suffering with the curse of the everlasting visions." He placed the knife against her throat. "Just imagine his torment when you die, while he watches."
"Lindsay, let her go," Angel said, trying to check the demon that was trying to emerge as he saw the lawyer put the knife to Cordelia's neck.
"I am glad you could make it, Angel." Lindsay slightly pressed the knife into Cordelia's flesh. "I wouldn't come any closer."
Angel felt the rage inside him grow as drops of blood formed around the sharp blade. The sound of Cordelia's whimpers caused his demon visage to appear. But Angel remained still. Even with his speed, he could not reach Cordelia before the lawyer could slice her throat.
"Let her go, it's me you want," his words almost undistinguishable from the grow rising from the back of his throat.
"Sorry, that would spoil my fun." Lindsay lifted his free hand.
Cordelia gasped as she looked to where Lindsay had motioned. Emerging from behind the warehouse was a group of very large and mean looking vampires. Angel tensed as he sensed the group surrounded him.
"You will die," growled the dark vampire.
"No, I won't die, and you won't either." Lindsay stopped dramatically. "But, your seer will", he smiled. With a quick flick of his wrist, he sliced Cordelia's throat and dumped her body off the dock.
Angel cried out in pain and rage. He lunged at the lawyer in fury. The lawyer stepped back in momentary fear, but relaxed as he saw his hench vampires jump on the avenging vampire.
"Remember let him to feel the pain," the lawyer said to the group of fighting vampires as he walked toward his waiting limousine.
In a blind rage, Angel fought off the attacking vamps. Those he couldn't stake; he pummeled with his fist. The demon inside screamed in triumphant at the sound of bones cracking under his blows. Slowly, those vampires that could still walk slipped away. Angel ran to the edge of the dock and jumped into the murky water. He dove down in desperation to find Cordelia. But the water was too dark for him to see. He frantically reached out, trying to feel for the dead girl. Angel searched for what felt like for hours, before he finally broke the surface of the water.
He slowly climbed back on the dock. He sat at the edge of the pier, watching the water, his soul breaking. He stayed like that until the beginning of the dawn. Angel was tempted to remain and let the sun take him. But even in his anguish, his demon cried out for vengeance. Angel rose from the dock, his soul's pain merging with his demon's need for revenge. The resulting rage forced him away from the rising sun and away from Cordelia. His one and only thought, was of the slow painful death of one certain lawyer.
Chapter two:
A hidden figure watched as the dark haired man walked away from the pier. Once he was sure that the man had left, he emerged into the light. He was a young, slight man, who looked extremely nervous. Brian Roberts walked to the pier and wondered at what to do.
He had watched Lindsay McDonald's men kidnap Cordelia Chase from outside of her apartment. He had watched the lawyer terrorized the girl, watched him bind her in chains. He watched the lawyer taunt the girl's boss, a vampire. Brian silently watched while Lindsay calmly cut her throat and toss her body in the water like garbage. He watched as the vampire searched in vain for the body of his friend. Brian had not interfered. He watched and did nothing because that was his job.
Cordelia Chase was dead. She died because there was true evil in the world. Brian thought back in amazement at all that he had observed watching the young girl. By the nature of his job. He knew that they were strange things in the world, but he never knew that there was such evil. He had to do something, because while he sensed that the lawyer's blow was fatal, it had not severed the girl's head. Therefore, he thought in relief, the wound would heal and she would live again. His relief turned to concern, when he realized that if he didn't find her body, she would just keep living, then drowning continuously forever.
He cringed at the image of Cordelia waking up bound in the chains, struggling to breathe, then slowly drown, just to wake up and start the nightmare over again. He had to find her and help her. It was his job to watch the pre-immortal and advise the council of her first death, then to observe and record her activities. Well, he couldn't very well observe much if she remained at the bottom of the water, he rationalized. Now, confident in his decision he scrambled to the water's edge looking for the body.***
Cordelia woke gasping for air. She choked as salty water filled her mouth. She tried to understand what was happening, but her mind became dark as she slowly drowned.
Cordelia woke again needing air. 'Angel, help me' her brain screamed as she choked and the darkness descended once again over her mind.
Again and again, Cordelia woke gasping for air. Each time her lungs would fill with water and she would slowly drown again and again. Her mind would cry out, but for who or what she didn't know. Then the darkness would descend again over her mind.
Chapter Three:
Angel made it back to the apartment, before the sun rose. He wearily slumped on the couch, feeling his physical injuries heal. The pain reminding him that he was still in this world. He hated that feeling, he wished with all of his soul that he was at the bottom of the ocean and that his beautiful friend was still in the world.
Angel closed his eyes in an attempt to block out the sight of Cordelia's strangled cry, as the blood rushed from her throat. He tried to push back the look he had seen in her eyes. Cordelia's eyes had shone with confidence, when she first saw him. Then he saw the look turn from one of relief to terror when she realized that she was dying. No, he angrily thought, I don't deserve to forget.
He failed her. So he remembered. Angel remembered the horror he felt when he knew that Cordelia was missing and his rage when he realized that Lindsay had taken her. He remembered his arrogant confidence that he could save her; he always saved her. He was so sure in his ability, that he didn't even call Wesley back from his research trip. Angel knew that he would have her back, before Wesley would return.
Shame and guilt invaded Angel's body and soul. Wesley will rightly blame and hate him for letting Cordelia die.
The pain Angel felt was worse he ever felt in his long undead life. It was worse than the pain he experienced during his torturous time in hell; it was worse than the feeling of his heart breaking when he knew that he had to leave Sunnydale and Buffy. This pain invaded every part of his body, encircling and squeezing his heart and soul. The intensity of the pain triggered a rage within him, a rage he couldn't control, one that he didn't want to control. Angel wanted to feel the fury of Angelus; he wanted Lindsay McDonald to meet the demon. He wanted Angelus to introduce the lawyer, to the demon's unique brand of torture.
So Angel sat in the darkness of the apartment, allowing Angelus to grow. He sat there for hours waiting for the sun to set. He instinctually knew when the darkness came to the sky. He got up and walked to the weapon's cabinet getting the items that Angelus would need. He didn't stop what he was doing, when he sensed Wesley coming down the elevator.
"Angel? Cordelia? Is anyone home?" called Wesley. "Oh Angel, good you are here." He saw the vampire. "I got some excellent research material on my trip," rambled the unknowing former watcher. "One book was written by..." The watcher stopped as he noticed that Angel hadn't turned to greet him, but was gathering weapons. "Angel?" he asked.
"Afraid not, watcher." Angelus turned towards Wesley.
Wesley stared in shock. He frantically looked around. "Angel, you are making me nervous, that's not funny."
"No, it's not, but believe me it will be fun." Angelus grinned as he saw the former watcher step back in fear. " I am sorry, but you are not who I came to play with, " Angelus said stroking a dangerous looking dagger.
"Cordelia, oh my god, where is Cordelia?" cried the panicked former watcher. "You didn't kill her.." Wesley stopped as he saw a sudden flash of pain on the vampire's face.
"No, I didn't kill her, that useless souled wimp let her die and now, he has let me out to extract my own brand of justice. And believe me I will enjoy this."
Wesley grabbed at the vampire's arm, ignoring the game face that flickered across Angelus.
"Stop, what do you mean?" shouted the former watcher. "Angel, I know you are in there. What happened to Cordelia? TELL ME," begged the other man.
The vampire closed his eyes at Wesley's struggle to contain his pain and terror. "Wesley, she is dead. Lindsay kidnapped her and killed before I could do anything. I saw her die," growled Angel.
Wesley knew that it was Angel, he could see the pain and guilt on the vampire's face. Wesley also knew that Cordelia was dead. The former watcher fell to the couch, numb.
Angel watched his friend's pain. "Now Angelus has to go make that bastard bleed, " the vampire said as he headed to the elevator.
"I am going with you," said the former watcher.
"It won't be pleasant," Angelus smirked.
"Good," was all Wesley said as he followed the demon out of the apartment.
Chapter Four:
Brian finally found what he was searching for. He saw the glimmer of white material tangled in the pilings under the pier. He scrambled down into the water. He tugged at the material, his hands reaching into the murky water. He grunted in satisfaction. Brian pulled at the chains, dragging the wrapped bundle up from the water. He sat down exhausted beside the body. He gently touched Cordelia's throat. He noted in astonishment that there was no evidence on her skin of the fatal wound. He had known she would heal, but it still amazed him. Brian drew his hand back and waited for her to start breathing again.
Cordelia gasped for air, then waited for the taste of salt water and for the darkness again. She gasped again, and then again. She didn't taste water. Cordelia slowly realized that she was no longer in the water. She gulped greedily at the air. She cautiously opened her eyes. She started when she saw an unfamiliar face staring intently at her. She struggled to get up, but she couldn't move. She looked down at her body and saw it wrapped in a wet, dirty tarp secured by heavy chains. She leaned back and closed her eyes, trying to remember how she got into this predicament. Nothing, she had no memories of anything, prior to the water and blackness. She shuddered at the remembered feeling of water slowly filling her lungs. The feeling was so real; she started to cough, gasping for air. She felt a hand lift her up and pat her back.
"Who are you?" she gasped to the young man holding her up.
"Brian um, Brian Roberts," stuttered the man.
She closed her eyes again, trying to see if the name was familiar. "I don't know you, do I?" Brian shook his head.
"I assume that you pulled me out of the water."
"Um, yes," the watcher answered.
"Then, I guess it is safe to assume that you didn't put me in it, or do this?" Cordelia motioned with her head at the chains.
"No, of course, not."
"That's good, so maybe then you could get me out of these?" She motioned again to the chains.
"Right, of course, the chains," he stammered getting up to leave.
"Wait, don't leave me," she begged.
"Don't worry I will be right back, I promise. I have to get some bolt cutters out of the trunk of my car."
Who was this guy, she thought, more importantly, who was she? Why couldn't she remember, she cried to herself. Calm down, whoever you are, she said to herself. She was alive; she was out of the water and soon to be out of the chains. Damn this was uncomfortable, she complained. She silently prayed for the man to hurry.
Brian was amazed. The girl just returned from a fatal wounding and multiple drowning and she was coherent. She had been in the water a long time. He had been afraid that the experience would have made her mad. But she seemed sane.
A very short while later, Brian returned with the promised tool. Cordelia sighed in relief as the chains were cut and pulled from her body. Once the restraints were off, she untangled herself form the wet tarp.
"God, that was gross," she said as Brian helped her to her feet. "What is that horrible smell? EWWW," she whined as she realized that it was her. "Yuck!" She looked down at her wet and dirty clothes. "I so need a shower, like right now." Cordelia started up the embankment.
Brian watched in amazement as the wet and dirty immortal walked away from him. His revere was interrupted by the sound of her shout.
"Hey, come on."
Brian ran to catch up with her.
"So, where is your car?" she asked impatiently, looking in disgust at the seaweed she pulled from her hair.
"Over there." Brian pointed to an old Ford Tempo.
"Good, lets go."
"Where exactly are we going?" he asked once they got to his car.
She stopped. "I don't know, I was hoping you had an idea. Somewhere with a shower would be good.... You wouldn't happen to know who I am, would you?" she asked hopefully.
Brian stood stunned. "What do you remember?"
"Nothing really, just the water and the feeling of drowning over and over again." She shivered. She suddenly looked scared. "Someone wanted me to die...why? Who?"
Brian thought quickly, if he told her, she would go back to the vampire and be in danger again. And the vampire would be too busy fighting his own battles to train and teach Cordelia how to survive as an immortal, he rationalized. She couldn't stay in LA. But where to go, then the idea came to him. It was unorthodox and against all the rules. But what the hell, in for a penny in for a pound.
"Your name is C...Caroline um Ford", he said looking at his car. "I'm not sure why or who was behind your predicament. I came along as you were being thrown in the water," the watcher lied. "I think it would be best, if we leave Los Angeles as soon as possible." That wasn't really a lie, he thought, he did think it was for the best. "Lets go."
"Someone just tried to kill me... Why should I trust you?"
"Because it is my job to watch over you. And... Whoever tried to kill, didn't just try, they succeeded. Get in the car," he said to the shocked girl. "I will explain on the way."
They were silent as the car pulled out of the warehouse district.
"So, explain."
"I am a watcher, your watcher and you are immortal." He went on to tell Cordelia about what the watcher's role and what it meant to be an immortal.
"So let me get this straight, I died. I mean, I really drowned and you just observed?"
A feeling of unease came over Brian. He didn't know that words could be said with such contempt.
"It's my job, I.... am not suppose to interfere," he stuttered.
"So why did you?" Cordelia saw Brian squirm in his seat. She decided to let him out of his misery. After all he did save her from never-ending watery deaths. She shivered at the memory of her confusion and a fear as she continued to live and then to die. "Thank you," she said gratefully, flashing him a big bright smile.
Brian gasped as he saw her smile. She was beautiful grime and all. He couldn't take his eyes off of her.
"Hey, Mr... I am a Watcher of Immortals, watch the road."
"Umm...right...ok", he stuttered. Shit, he thought. He was screwed. He was a failure as a watcher. Brian knew as he turned to concentrate on his driving, that he was not ever going to not interfere if Cordelia needed his help.
Chapter Five:
"So where are we going?"
"Seattle, Washington," answered the watcher.
"What's in Seattle, except rain and coffee? Hey, how did I know that?"
"Your general memory is intact, just not the specifics. Trauma, you know."
"Oh, damn."
Brian smiled. "Anyway, there is another Immortal in Seattle. He can help you get accustomed to being an Immortal."
"Won't he want my head," she asked, remembering what the watcher had told her about the gathering. She still couldn't believe
it all.
"No, not Duncan Macleod, he will help you." I hope, the watcher thought.
"Okay, Seattle it is... Hey, stop here," she yelled.
"What?" he cried swerving the vehicle.
"The motel, a motel has a shower and I am not going any further smelling like this," she stated. "Oh and see if they have anything else for to me wear. These are gross." She looked at her dirty clothes. "And not to trashy, though I guess, I can't be to choosy right now, can I," she whined after the young man going into the clerk's office.
Cordelia waited impatiently for the watcher's return. Once she knew that she was close to getting into a hot shower, she started to itch at the feel of her clothes. "It took you long enough...ewww, what's this?" She held up a small piece of gold lame.
"I think it's suppose to be a dress...it's all she had," he said apologetically to the stricken girl.
"This dying things sucks," she huffed grabbing the motel room key.
Brian waited until he heard the water run. Then he made a phone call that he knew was long overdue.
"Duncan", he said to the voice that answered, then proceeded to tell the immortal the lie that he told Cordelia.
Chapter Six:
Cordelia let the hot spray of water wash over her. She leaned back amazed and frightened at all that had happened. Who was she? Did she have any family? Were they worried about her? Should she try to find out? She thought about what the watcher had said. Caroline Ford was dead or so that's what the person who killed her thought. It would be safer to remain dead. That way she wouldn't be exposed as an immortal. She guessed he was right. So Caroline Ford was dead, and Carol Tempo was alive. She would live forever, she said to herself. That's until some other immortal chopped off her head, she added. How much weirder could her life get, she grumbled. With that not so pleasant thought she grabbed the shampoo and proceeded to wash her hair for the fifth time. Finally, feeling clean, she walked into the motel room wrapped in a large towel.
Brian stared at the beautiful immortal. Her skin was glowing from the hot water and her dark hair cascaded down her back. Brian finally, admitted that he might be doing what he was doing for less than selfless reasons. Oh shit, he thought, he was falling for her. He shook the thought from his mind. He was her watcher and while he had broken a lot of rules in the recent past, he wasn't going to break that one. Brian was lying to protect her. The vampire was dangerous to her, he justified.
Cordelia was oblivious to Brian's stare as she held the short dress up. She shook her head and went back into the bathroom. A few minutes later, she came out dressed.
"Give me your jacket," she demanded, as she tried in disgust to pull up and pull down the tight, gold lame tube dress. Feeling better with the jacket on, she looked around for her shoes. She saw he ruined black leather boots and the shoes that Brian had gotten with the dress. "I can't wear those," she whined pointing to the 6inch gold sparkled platforms.
"They're not that bad." This lying thing is getting easier, he thought. "We have to go, Duncan is expecting us." Cordelia followed him out of the motel barefoot holding the offending shoes gingerly in one hand.
Chapter Seven:
Finally it was over. The rage of Angelus was gone, leaving Angel only with the feelings of loss and despair. Wesley quietly sat beside him in the car. They hadn't spoken since Lindsay McDonald died. Since, Angelus tortured him to death, Angel amended. His soul was still intact, but Angel didn't feel guilty about the pain the demon put the lawyer through before finally breaking his neck.
Angel smiled slightly at the memory of hearing Lindsay's neck snap. Stupid man, did he really think he could kill Cordelia and not suffer the consequences? Angel was glad that the lawyer was dead. Angel looked over at his friend. He knew that Wesley was stunned at all of the things that Angelus did to the young lawyer. Angel knew that once Cordelia's death and the horror or watching his demon torture someone impacted the former watcher, he would leave in disgust.
Wesley turned to Angel. "I don't feel in the least bit guilty about Lindsay. What Angelus did was horrible, but what that bastard did was worse. He took Cordelia away from us and for that he deserved to die the way he did. So, Angel, thank you for allowing Angelus free reign. Just don't make it a habit," the former watcher said with a sad smile. Angel returned the smile.
Neither said anything else as they pulled up to the office-apartment.
Angel was at a loss as to what to do. He now knew that Wesley wouldn't leave and he was grateful. But could he go on, knowing that he hadn't saved Cordelia. She had been the one person who had understood him, who made his undead life brighter. He didn't know how he could go on.
Part Two:
Chapter Eight:
Brian grew more and more confident that he had made the right decision. Cordelia, or rather Carol, the name she picked out, was getting stronger everyday. Yes, Brian reassured himself, he was right to keep her past life from her and ...from Duncan. He felt some doubt about lying to the other Immortal. But he wasn't sure that the older immortal would improve. No, he thought with conviction, Cor...Carol didn't need to go back to her previous life as a demon hunter or to her association with the vampire. That's what got her killed in the first place. She would have enough to deal with fighting the immortals that came for her head.
"Carol, concentrate, move to the left". Brian heard Duncan yell. He looked at the two immortals engaged in a sword fight in front of him. Brian was pleased at how Carol seemed to be holding her own against the 400-year-old immortal. He knew that Duncan was also surprised and pleased at her progress.
"Damn it old man, I am exhausted," complained the young immortal. Cordelia adjusted her stance and lunged at Duncan. The Highlander just laughed and blocked her blow. With a groan of disgust, Cordelia feigned to the right, and kicked out with her left leg. Duncan staggered as he felt the blow to his kneecap. Cordelia took the advantage, and brought her left fist up to his kidney. Duncan fell to the ground with a grunt. Cordelia stood over him, the point of her sword to his neck.
"Now, can we stop?"
Duncan groaned louder, even though the pain of the hits had already subsided.
"Well done."
Cordelia looked surprised at the older immortal's compliment. "Hey, watcher-boy, did you hear that, the old guy actually said I did well," she laughed with pleasure. "Shower time, then how about some lunch?" Going into the other room without waiting for an answer from the two men.
"She really is getting quite good," Brian commented to Duncan, who was putting up his weapon.
"Yes, she has already been trained some and she is a quick study. Are you sure that you don't know anything about her history?" Duncan turned to stare at the young watcher. Duncan watched as a slight blush came to the young man's face.
"No, I mean I don't...I told you all I know."
"Which was next to nothing," answered the Highlander. Duncan didn't believe the young watcher. He was hiding something. "I am a little worried, Carol hasn't been getting much sleep lately. She has been having nightmares again." Mac explained, changing the subject.
"I thought the dreams of her experience drowning had stopped. She told me they had stopped," Brian said with concern.
"They have. These are new, that's what has me worried."***
Cordelia was in the bathtub, soaking her aching muscles. Well not aching, since her healing abilities alleviated the pain almost immediately. But they should be aching, she thought in wonder. It had been over three months, since she had arrived in Seattle with Brian. She thought about her condition when she first met Duncan Macleod. She had been physically fine, but mentally she had been a basket case. She had tried to hide how she felt but she had been frightened of her experience and frightened that she didn't remember anything prior to her drownings. She shuddered at that memory. That was definitely one memory she wished she had forgotten. But, at least the nightmares of the continual watery deaths had stopped, she thought gratefully. And, she had come to accept that the other memories of her past life were gone.
But the new nightmares she was having, she didn't get them. They scared the hell out of her. They were images of horrible evil things, demons and monsters, worthy of Stephen King. Though, she admitted to herself, there was this one vampire that kept showing up that was decidedly sexy. A sexy vampire, she laughed in disbelief. Cordelia hadn't told either Duncan or Brian about the contents of the new dreams. They would think she was crazy.
She was beginning to think she was going crazy, now that the dreams were also occurring during her waking hours. And the daytime nightmares were worse than the others. They were more vivid. She could hear the screams of the victims that were being attacked by evil creatures. A piercing pain would slice through her brain, as the pictures of the violence would parade through her mind. The pain would immediately recede once the images stopped, but a tremendous need to help those victims would remain. Cordelia was getting nervous about her mental state. She had already lost her memories. She didn't need to loose the rest of her mind too, she thought in disgust, as she got out of the tub.
Chapter Nine:
Buffy looked around in concern at the lone occupant of the Angel Investigation office. She had been there for two days and neither Angel nor Wesley would speak to her. They would respond to her questions in monosyllables, if at all.
Buffy had come to LA, after Angel had stopped returning any of their calls from Sunnydale. Giles had received the news of Cordelia's death over three months ago. Buffy remembered the shock that she, Xander and Willow felt at the news. They never thought that she would die. They never imagined that their Cordelia of Sunnydale High fame would ever put herself in a situation where there was a real chance of being hurt, much less die. Buffy wouldn't listen to Willow, when the witch had said Cordelia had changed.
All Buffy and Xander would remember was how Cordelia was before she became a part of the Scooby Gang and then afterwards as she reverted to her old Queen C Bitchy ways. They had conveniently forgotten about the times that she had helped them and put herself in danger, complaining all the way. They had misjudged her, and now she was dead. Xander had taken the news hard. He had driven up to LA, almost immediately upon hearing the news. He returned shortly afterwards. Xander never said what had occurred between he and Angel. But Xander returned with his old hatred of the vampire, blaming Angel and Wesley for Cordelia's death.
Buffy didn't blame Angel, though. She knew that Cordelia's death would just increase her first love's feelings of guilt. So she attempted to call him, to talk to him. But the few conversations that they had, had been brief. And soon, Angel wasn't even answering her calls. Buffy had been worried, so after first talking to Riley, she decided to go to LA and force Angel to talk.
"Angel, please talk to me," she begged the silent vampire. She knelt down in front of him, and grabbed his hand. She was shocked at how he flinched at her touch, growling. That was the last time she tried to touch him. But she continued to try to get him to talk.
"Angel, it wasn't your fault. You can't save everybody, you taught me that." Buffy stepped back as his vampire visage flickered on his face.
"It wasn't just anyone, it was Cordelia. I promised to protect her, always. I failed."
Buffy felt shocked again, at the intensity of the pain in his voice.
"You loved her," she whispered, tears welling up in her eyes.
"I...I need her," he whispered as he left Buffy standing in the middle of the room.
And now Buffy was standing before Wesley, trying to talk to him before she went home.
"Wesley, Angel is not well," she tried again.
"None of us are, Buffy," the ex-watcher said softly, to his former slayer.
Buffy had known that they both cared for Cordelia, she just hadn't realized how much, none of the Sunnydale group had realized.
"Just go, Buffy," Wesley said looking up to the blonde slayer.
"But..."
"You can't help us, you can't help Angel."
Buffy shook her head in sadness, trying to stop the tears from falling.
"Buffy, I won't let him do anything stupid, ok," the former watcher said gently to the girl.
"Okay, take care," she cried, impulsively hugging her ex-watcher.
"I will try", he said with a sad smile.
Chapter Ten:
Cordelia woke up screaming, a sharp pain had sliced into her unconscious mind, followed by a string of vivid imagines. Duncan came running into her bedroom. Mac held her until she stopped trembling.
"Carol, shh...I am here. You are safe," he whispered into her hair.
Cordelia almost felt safe. His strong arms around her, stroking her hair, his soft words promising that she was safe. It almost felt familiar. But it wasn't right. The sense of wrongness caused her to jerk out of his arms and push him away.
Thankfully, she thought, Mac hadn't been offended.
"I am here, if you need me," he said from the side of the bed.
"I know", she smiled gratefully.
"Maybe, it's your subconscious trying to remember, " he said quietly as he got up.
"I hope not," she bitterly laughed. "I can sleep now."
"Goodnight, then."
"Duncan," she called after the retreating immortal. "Thank you".
"My pleasure," he said softly. Duncan then realized that holding Carol was indeed his pleasure.
Cordelia watched the older immortal leave. She was glad that she hadn't hurt him, by pushing him away. She had wanted to be comforted and had begun to feel so, when a feeling of wrongness had come over her. She tried to shrug off that feeling. Duncan was a very handsome and caring man, who wanted to help her. She was a fool, she thought, she should grab on to him and never let him go. Oh, well.
She thought back to his suggestion that her dreams were memories, trying to surface. She still hadn't told Duncan about the contents of her dreams. She, damn well, hoped that they were not memories.
Cordelia tried to concentrate on the last dream. It started out non-scary enough. The sexy vampire was in it. He didn't scare her. She actually had begun to look forward to seeing him, especially when he looked at her in a certain way. Whoa, she stopped herself; a dream vamp that leered was turning her on. God, she was nuts, she groaned.
She forced herself to remember the other part of her dream, the scary part. The vamp was in that part to, but he wasn't looking at all sexy. No, he was looking pretty bad; he had been fighting a big, scaly demon and losing. The demon had forced him to the ground, beating the vamp with its spiky fists. She felt a tremendous need to go save the vampire. Stranger yet, she had known in her dream where to go. It seemed so real. That is impossible, she thought. There were no such things as monsters, demons, vampires and other bad things that go bump in the night. Still a small voice in the back of her mind, countered with 'who would have thought someone could live forever'.
Cordelia sunk back down in the bed and tried to go to sleep. Cordelia felt her mind drift off, when another sharp pain struck. It wasn't as painful as the previous feeling, but she definitely felt it. She waited for the images to come. This one was different from all the rest. She was in a small torch lit chamber. Cordelia looked around waiting for the appearance of a monster, but what she saw made her giggle not scream. Standing before her were two of the most ridiculous being she had ever seen. One was male, the other female. They were gold, dressed in white sheets with weird metallic blue designs painted on their bodies. Cordelia stopped giggling at their stern look.
"Sister, she is not worthy of her destiny," said the male.
"You are most likely right, brother, but the warrior needs her, he has been alone to long," the woman answered. Then she turned to Cordelia. "You are a fool, you cannot continue to ignore your destiny. Go to the warrior, save him."
"What?..."
"GO," they both admonished, then disappeared, along with the chamber. Cordelia looked around; she was again on the street, where she had dreamed of the battle between the vampire and the demon. But this time, it was daytime. She knew somehow that the battle would take place tomorrow night and in LA. She looked up at the corner and saw the street signs. Suddenly, the images disappeared. Cordelia stared at the wall of the bedroom, trying to digest what the beings had said. It didn't make any sense; she knew that such beings, gold-ones or fanged ones didn't exist. But she also knew she had to go to LA.
She started to get dressed. She thought about waking up Duncan, but he would think she was crazy and just try to convince her to stay. She quietly got her long jacket and sword. Cordelia stared at Duncan's car keys for a moment and decided what the hell and hoped he wouldn't be too angry. She would need his car, if she was to get to California in time.
Chapter Eleven:
Wesley looked up from his book when Angel came into the office. Angel didn't say anything as he took off his black leather trench coat. Wesley saw him cringe as he walked past Cordelia's empty desk. It had been almost four months, and they both still felt the loss of her presence. They had slowly gotten into a new routine. It wasn't really much of one. Angel would go patrolling and kill as many demons or vampires that he could find. For the most part, Wesley stayed behind researching the texts for where more demons could be found. Sometimes, when the former watcher felt the need for some violence he would go with Angel. It seemed that since Cordelia's death, Wesley had developed more of a need to hit things.
Wesley was no longer worried that Angel would stake himself or walk off into the sun. Angel seemed to accept that he would live without Cordelia. But the lightness that he had developed in Cordelia's presence had faded until it totally disappeared.
The only emotion that Angel would show was during battles. It was then, that Wesley could see the rage that simmered beneath his surface. But Wesley didn't mind, as long as the vampire kept living. The former knew that he needed Angel to remain alive; he couldn't lose both Angel and Cordelia. He couldn't loose all of his family. His family was broken and without it's heart, but it was still all he had.
His thoughts were interrupted by the sound of Angel's voice. He was surprised to hear it, Angel didn't say much anymore.
"What's that? Sorry," stuttered Wesley
"The Guta demon was seen again on West Street."
"Unusual, for it to return to the same place."
"Maybe, but it is right between the liquor store and the homeless shelter. It does offer the best stop for the shelter's residents to
sleep off their dinner."
"True, so what's the plan?” asked the watcher.
"I'll go at sundown and wait, if it comes, I'll kill it. If it doesn't, I will go back the next night, then kill it. Though, you should stay and map out any other possible feeding grounds," said Angel
"Sounds like a plan." With that decided, both men returned to silence. At sundown, Angel got his coat and prepared to leave.
"Be careful."
Angel grunted and left the office.
Chapter Twelve:
Cordelia reached LA a couple of hours before sundown. She found West Street without any problem. It was strange how she knew how to get there. But she had died in LA, so maybe she had been there before. Gross, she thought, she hoped that she hadn't hung around this dirty, smelly alley. But then again, she probably hadn't been the most respectable citizen in her first life. After all, she reasoned dryly, most respectable people don't end up wrapped in a sheet and chains, then dumped in the water to drown.
Cordelia looked around to find a semi-clean, out of sight place to sit and wait. Jeez this is stupid, she said to herself. During the drive from Seattle, her feelings of urgency to get to LA had faded somewhat. And her commonsense kept telling her that there were no such things as vampires and demons; she was just being foolish.
She started at a sound coming from the other side of the alley. She hadn't even noticed that the sun had gone down. She peered in the darkness and wasn't all that surprised to see a bum going through a dumpster. Still she had better pay attention; she hadn't even heard the bum approach. Cordelia saw another bum stumble up to the dumpster. She heard the first one grumble something and push him aside. Guess he doesn't want to share, she thought to herself. This is so not fun. Cordelia was getting bored watching the bum look for his dinner, when she noticed a big, bulky shadow being cast by the dim street light. The shape was going towards the bum. Before she could even draw her sword, she saw a figure fly out of the darkness to tackle the shadow. She gasped as she saw the participants better as the fight moved into the light.
It was the big, scaly monster and the vampire from her dream. Oh shit, she said to herself, drawing her sword. Cordelia ran over to where the bum was and shoved him towards the street, then turned back to the battle. She watched as the vampire, yep, she thought, it is a vampire, a vampire with fangs and everything attack the demon. Yep, she continued to think, a demon, a big ugly scaly monster with spikes on its fists. And it looked like the vampire was taking quite a beating form those objects. Well, she guessed that this is where she should come in, moving closer.
"Hey, you, you big nasty thing, yeah you porcupine fist...That's right over here. Come on, I don't want the vamp to have all the fun," she heckled to the demon. The demon looked up from the fallen vampire and moved towards the girl. He lunged at her with his fist. Cordelia blocked the blow with her sword. She attacked lunging and striking at the monster with her blade. The blade was bouncing off the creature without causing any damage. The scales were acting as some sort of armor. And the demon was too tall for her to reach up a swipe his head.
"Hey, you vampguy, is there any chink to this big ugly guy's armor, or what?" she yelled to the vampire who had gotten up and was just staring at the fight. "Yoa, fang-guy, I am talking to you, how in the hell do I kill...Damn it," she cried rolling to duck a blow that had gotten past her sword. "Ow" she cried as one of the spikes sliced her shoulder. Her cry of pain seemed to snap the vampire out of his stupor.
"It is weakest at his joints"
"Joints; got you." Swinging her sword at where she thought it's kneecap would be. She was rewarded with the demon's howl of pain as it tumbled to the ground. She raised her sword to take the demon's head.
"Ewww," she whined in disgust as green goo spurted from the creature's neck.
"Do they all do that? That was gross.... What was that?" she complained to the approaching vampire.
"Cordelia?" the vampire whispered.
"Cordelia? What kind of name is that for a monster? That's a girl's name. Hey, I kind of like it. I wish I had thought of it.... Hey, stop right there, fang-boy," she said as Angel moved to touch her.
Angel stopped and looked at the sword pointed at his neck and then at the young woman holding it so confidently. "I imagine decapitation will kill even a vampire, so just stay right there," she said staring at the vampire of her dreams. His human face was now firmly in place. God he was sexy, she thought, but a little dim judging from the expression on his face.
"It's a type of guta demon, Cordelia is your name," he said softly, looking at her shoulder for any sign of injury. "You were hurt."
"Just a scratch it will be better soon, real soon.... see all better. Hey, I said stay where you are.... anyway, my name is Carol...Caroline, well at least.... actually, maybe it's not,” she said more to herself than to him. She said louder, "Do I know you?"
"Yes, it's me Angel, don't you remember?"
"Well, truthfully, I don't remember much. .. I know a vampire, really?"
"We are friends, best friends," Angel said staring at the beautiful young woman.
Oh damn, she thought, he is looking at her like he did in the dreams. "Stop, looking at me like that you are making me...nervous," she said. Shit, she had been about to say turned on. Cordelia took a couple of breaths and lowered her sword. Angel noticed her actions, but did not move any closer.
"Friends, uh. Jees, how much weirder is my life going to get. I don't believe vampires exist or well, I didn't up to about 20 minutes ago. So your name is Angel. What's my full name?"
"Cordelia Chase and we are friends. We work together, along with Wesley."
"Vampires work? Is Wesley a 'grrr' guy, too?"
Angel chuckled at the familiar nickname. "No he is totally human, a former rogue demon hunter. Who now works with us a
Angel Investigations, a sort of detective agency."
Angel watched her face scrunch up in that familiar way. One that he had grown to love over the last year and had missed terribly over the past few months. He needed to feel her in his arms. With a quickness that left Cordelia breathless, he took the sword from her hand and pulled her into a tight embrace. Angel marveled at how good she felt in his arms. He could feel her heart beating against his chest, and her breath on his neck. She was alive, his soul rejoiced. He sniffed in her scent, her unique scent, which...he glanced up questioningly.... was not quite the same. He looked to the ripped coat. There was some blood, but when he looked closer he saw that there was no cut.
"What happened to you?" he asked softly, as he loosened his hold.
Cordelia moaned at his withdrawal. She didn't want to loose his embrace, it felt so right. Oh god, she thought, jumping back in alarm. "How exactly are we good friends... I mean we are not.... I mean do vampires even.... Oh damn" she trailed off nervously.
Angel stared in confusion at her rambling. His eyes widen in sudden comprehension, she was asking if they were lovers. For a brief moment, the vampire considered saying yes. He shook the thought out of his head. It would be pretty obvious that they weren't, when he couldn't make love to her. For the first time, Angel allowed himself to think of what it would be like to make love to Cordelia. Nope, he could never make love to her, nope; Angelus would be out in a second, if that were to happen. Angel looked at the girl standing before him waiting for an answer.
"We are JUST good friends."
"Oh, good then." Not knowing why she suddenly felt disappointed.
"So, Angel now what? I mean I did what those ridiculous golden pair wanted me to do, now what do I do? I mean do I go back to Seattle?"
"NO" he growled. She jumped not in fear, but surprise at his game face that appeared briefly.
"Hey, don't do that." Swatting at his arm.
"Sorry.... You are coming home with me now," he said forcibly.
"I don't remember home," she whispered..
"You will, I promise." Taking a hold of her arm and leading her out of the alley.
"Hey, vamp-guy, I want my sword back." Pointing to the weapon in Angel's hand. He looked at the weapon more closely. A master had crafted the sword and it was older than he was.
"Where did you get this?"
"It was a gift," was all she said as she quickly concealed the weapon. "Okay, ready."
Angel just nodded and led her to his car.
"Wait, I can't go with you."
Any doubts that Angel might have had about whether this was really Cordelia evaporated. Only Cordelia could make him want to hold her then strangle her in such a short span of time.
"Cordelia," he warned.
"Wow, I can't get use to the name, but I like it... Hey, don't go all 'grrr'. What I meant was I can't ride with you. I took Duncan's car down here; I can't just leave it. He loves that car. You know it looks a lot like this one... How old are you?"
"What?" Angel responded, totally confused and wondering who the hell Duncan was.
"How old?" She repeated, emphasizing each word with a jab to his chest.
"244."
"Figures you would be an old guy, too. I mean is there some sort of rule, that old, handsome, do-gooders, have to have old clunkers with no top?"
"This is a classic,” Angel protested.
"Right, that's what Duncan says, too."
Angel growled again at the mention of the man's name.
"Hey, I said no going 'grrr', unless.... Is there an ugly monster somewhere?" She asked looking around.
"No," Angel growled.
"Well then, stop." Swatting him again. Angel just knew that he was going to strangle her.
"The car is over there."
"Cordelia, I don't want you to go alone."
Cordelia looked in amazement at the expression of pain and need on the vampire's handsome face.
"It hurt you when I died?'
"Yes." Angel put all of his feelings of rage, pain and despair in that one small word.
Cordelia cringed at the force of the emotions. "I am sorry," she whispered tears forming in her eyes. "But, I will be all right...Just don't lose me, okay?" She added with a slight smile.
"Never, Never again," he promised forcibly.
Cordelia stared at the vampire, trying to remember what he was to her, exactly. Who was this creature, that made her bones turn to jelly when he looked at her. She backed away and shot him her best big Cordy smile and headed to her car.
Angel wanted to hold her again.