Go TeamC/A
Title: Misunderstandings
Author: Onlyanne
Posted here:
Rating: R/NC17 (the last part, anyway)
Category:
Content: C/A
Summary: the fic starts at the hospital, after the C/A confrontation in “Thin Dead Line”
Spoilers:
Disclaimer: The characters in the Angelverse were created by Joss Whedon & David Greenwalt. No infringement is intended, no profit is made.
Distribution: If you already have any of my stuff and want this, go ahead and take. Just let me know, so I can visit.
Notes:
Thanks/Dedication:I can’t give enough thanks to Cleo, for pushing and helping my muse finish, so I will just say ‘Thanks’.
Feedback:is needed and loved...
Chapter One
Cordelia sat beside the hospital bed gently stroking Wesley’s hand. “He will be fine,” she said with determination.
Gunn nodded in agreement, though he knew the young girl was talking more to herself than to him or their sleeping friend. “Cordelia, I will stay with Wesley for awhile if you want to catch a quick nap.”
Cordelia started to protest as she yawned, but then conceded to Gunn’s suggestion. She was exhausted both emotionally and physically from the horrors of the night.
“Okay, maybe for a little while, but come get me if anything changes or if you want to rest,” she ordered.
“I will," the street kid promised.
Cordelia got up to leave the hospital room taking another long look at Wesley’s still form.
Cordelia wrapped her arms around her tired body as she curled up in the large waiting room chair. She didn’t think she had ever been as terrified as she had been when she saw the blood seeping from the gunshot wound in Wesley’s stomach. Cordelia took several deep breaths trying to clear her mind of that fear. Wesley was going to be all right and the night of the living dead cops was over. She wasn’t at all sure why the zombies in blue had just crumbled and really died.
One minute, the teen home was being swarmed by the undead and everyone had been fighting for their lives, then all of a sudden, poof. It was like someone had pulled the plug on the undead group. But at this point she really didn’t care. Cordelia was just relieved that it was over and that she and Gunn had been able to get Wesley to the hospital in time.
Oh god, she thought squeezing her body tighter. Wesley could have died. Cordelia wasn’t at all sure what she would have done if she had lost Wesley. She had already lost Angel; she couldn’t have stood it if the former watcher had left her too.
Angel, she thought with bitterness. It was his entire fault. If he hadn’t fired them, cut them so completely out of his life, then this would have never happened. Gunn wouldn’t have gone to take on the rogue cops without proper back up. Wesley wouldn’t have been in the position to get shot. It was the vampire’s entire fault, her mind ranted. And the nerve of him, just showing up here at the hospital acting liked he cared. The young girl was glad that she had finally told the vampire off. But, Cordelia questioned, how did Angel know that Wesley had been hurt and why did he come. Angel didn’t care about them anymore, right?
Cordelia thought back to her earlier confrontation with the vampire. At the time, Cordelia had been so scared for Wesley and angry at the vampire, she really hadn’t even seen him. But now, thinking back to the expression on the vampire’s face, she suddenly realized that he had been concerned. And if Angel knew that Wesley had been hurt, then he must have been checking up on them, maybe even doing the night stalking bit. No, Cordelia shook her head. If Angel had been following them, he would have seen the living dead cop contingency and he would have seen the danger Wesley was in.
Angel would have helped them, wouldn’t he? He wouldn’t have just left the teens to fend for themselves. Or maybe he would as it was not evil lawyers that were trying to kill them just over zealous killer cop zombies. But why had Angel shown up at the hospital? she asked herself again. Cordelia was giving herself a headache.
Angel had known that Wesley had been shot and he had come to the hospital. So, maybe the vampire was trying to reach out to them. Cordelia winced, as she remembered her words to him. She had basically told him that they didn’t care about him and wanted Angel to leave them alone. That he had no right to be at the hospital showing false concern over Wesley. But maybe it wasn’t false and if that was the case, she had effectively snapped his olive branch in two. Oh god, she thought. They did need Angel, they did care about him and just maybe, just maybe the vampire did realize that he needed them to. What had she done? She cried getting up suddenly. Cordelia had been so livid at the vampire and while, she still thought she had a right to be angry, she didn’t want Angel out of their life, her life, not really. Cordelia ran to Wesley’s room.
“Gunn,” she whispered urgently. “I have to go somewhere.”
Gunn looked up puzzled from the chair by the hospital bed.
“Cordelia?”
“It’s important, but I will be back. Call my cell phone, if there is any change.” Cordelia didn’t want to say anything about Angel, not yet. She first wanted to make sure that she wasn't just wishing that she saw concern in the vampire's face.
Cordelia quickly went over to Wesley’s side and placed a kiss on his forehead. “If it is true, I will bring him back if it is the last thing I do, I swear,” she promised her injured friend quietly.
Cordelia raced out of the hospital towards the Hyperion. She had to find Angel.
Chapter Two
Angel sat in the darkened room. Cordelia’s words playing through his mind. ‘It took a gunshot wound for you to give a crap’, ‘we don’t need you’, ‘stay away’, ‘stay away’, ‘stay away’, he heard over and over again. Her contemptuous voice ringing in condemnation, damning him. Angel closed his eyes against the sight of his friends as he last saw them. Gunn standing so close behind Cordelia as she tenderly caressed Wesley’s brow. Gunn had occupied the space that had once been Angel’s. Their closeness ripped at his soul as he saw the family that they had become, without him, in spite of him. Theirs was the family that was once his, the one that Angel had purposely cut himself off from.
It made no matter that he had done so to insulate them from the path he felt he had to travel. Angel had wanted to protect their humanity; instead the vampire had destroyed the only chance he ever had of gaining his. They didn’t need him or want him. And could he blame them? Angel had ruthlessly shut them out and left them alone to fend for themselves, even after Wesley had come to the vampire telling him that they would continue the fight. Angel’s head fell in guilt, what had he expected? Why had he been surprised when Kate had told him that Wesley was lying in a hospital bed struggling for his life? One of them had to get hurt eventually fighting the battles that should have been his.
It could have just as easily have been Cordelia, his soul cried. Cordelia’s beautiful face flashed in his mind. He saw her wide smile as she declared the vampire and the former rouge demon hunter her family. He saw her smile grow even brighter as Wesley told them that one day the vampire would become human. He saw his seer’s warm caring eyes as she promised to stay with him until the end, when she told him that he was not alone. He saw her stunned and hurt expression when Angel had so coldly fired them. And finally, Angel saw the disdain in her eyes as she told the vampire that his family didn’t need him, that she didn’t need him. The pain he had felt in that moment had almost crippled him. More so, because Angel knew he had done it to himself.
Angel was so tired, so tired of striving for something that was so unattainable. There had been times, before Darla’s return, when he would look into his seer’s beautiful eyes and know with the utmost certainty that he would reach his humanity. Cordelia had believed in him and her unwavering belief had convinced the vampire that that impossible was possible. But his seer’s faith had been shattered. And with the destruction of Cordelia’s faith, came his own loss of faith.
Last year Wolfram & Hart had tried to destroy him by attacking Cordelia and Wesley. This year they had succeeded. Wolfram & Hart had won. The vampire was nothing, not mad, not sad. Just tired.
Angel glanced up as he sensed Darla’s presence. It figures, he thought ruefully, his sire had the instincts of a circling vulture. Always knowing when her victims were at their breaking point. Always knowing where the dying and rotting bodies lay gasping their last breath having already having given up their precious will to live. Well, the vampire thought, maybe it was time for his damned corpse to finally give up.
“My boy, sitting alone in the dark. Where is that human little family that you are so fond of?” the blonde vampire purred.
“What? Did they not like the new you. Just who is that vampire in the flapping black coat? Is it Angelus, is it Angel, no….it’s,” she stopped.
“Just who is it? I am curious. Tell me, please.” She cooed from across the room. Angel raised his dark eyes to her, his handsome face expressionless.
Darla contemplated the dark vampire. She moved cautiously forward a slow smile spreading over her face.
“You don’t want to dust me,” she laughed. “What is it my boy, did you finally realize that with a soul, you belong nowhere, to no one? I told you that Angel was alone. You should always listen to your sire. Your sire, always knows what’s best for her beautiful childe.” The blonde vampire glided up close to the seated vampire. Darla slid her body over the immobile vampire, straddling his lap.
“My boy, when we were together, you were never alone. You belonged to me, with me. It can be that way again, my love. Come to me, where you belong. Come home,” she whispered seductively against Angel’s lips.
Angel didn’t move. He was too tired to care that the vampire he swore to dust was draping herself all over his body. He thought about what his sire was saying. It was true. When he was Angelus, he knew what he was and where he belonged. Angelus had no doubts; no fears and more importantly he had no cares. The soulless demon didn’t care if he disappointed anyone or if he hurt anyone. He had been free of guilt or torment. If he were Angelus, Angel wouldn’t care about the hurt he caused his friends. Angelus wouldn’t feel soul-wrenching pain at the thought of Cordelia not needing him, not wanting him in her life. He wouldn’t feel despair at the beautiful girl’s sorrow or anger. Angel closed his eyes and reached up entangling his fingers in Darla’s blonde hair.
One kiss, one act of love, or to be accurate one act of sex, and his soul’s torment would be gone, as would his chance at redemption. What chance? He thought mockingly. He had already lost his chance as he pictured the loathing in Cordelia’s eyes and the sight of his three human friends bonding together as a family without him. More than just the glass of the hospital room window separated the vampire from them. It was time for him to accept that and to accept what he truly was- a demon damned for eternity. Angel captured Darla’s mouth forcibly picking up the smaller vampire and moving them both to the bed.***
Cordelia jumped out of the cab and ran up the stairs to the hotel’s entrance. She wasn’t exactly sure what she was going to do or say when, if, she saw Angel. But, she had to see him.
Angel had come to the hospital to check on Wesley’s condition, not out of some false concern, but because he did still care. Cordelia was sure of it; as sure as she knew her own name. Why hadn’t Cordelia seen that earlier? She used to be able to read the handsome vampire so well. But, over the last few months, she had lost that ability. Why? How? Why hadn’t she reached out to Angel at the hospital, why hadn’t she tried to reach him even before that? Sure, she had yelled at him and complained when the whole Darla thing started, but she had never tried to find out what Angel was exactly feeling. Cordelia had let the vampire put distance and coldness between them.
Why hadn’t she kept her big mouth shut and just wrapped her arms around the vampire, she thought. Why hadn’t she let Angel share in her fear and concern for Wesley? Cordelia loved the vampire, even now when she was so mad at him. Why hadn’t she relented even just a little? She sighed; she knew why she was so cold to the vampire at the hospital. Because Angel had hurt her, hurt her horribly, so she did what Cordelia Chase always did when some one hurt her, she hurt back.
Cordelia was still angry at the vampire, but he was not alone in the blame for how bad the situation had gotten between all of them. Cordelia was his friend, his seer; she should have done more, they were family, Cordelia loved him. Well, she would do it now; she promised opening the heavy door of the hotel.
Cordelia looked around the lobby. It was a mess. Dust and a rank smell had settled over the furniture and the files that were scattered on the counter and floor. She strode up the stairs. If Angel wasn’t there, she would just wait. She had to talk to him.
Cordelia’s determined pace slowed as she heard odd noises coming from Angel’s suite. A sense of unexplainable fear descended over her heart as she cautiously opened the bedroom door.
Cordelia threw herself away from the doorway. Her body trembling up against the wall. She tried to calm her breathing, not wanting to make a sound. She gave one last look through the door and the intertwined couple on the bed. The dark vampire was thrusting forcibly into the blonde vampire’s more than willing smaller frame. Cordelia took off running trying not to fall as an overwhelming sickness flooded her body.
Finally in relief, Cordelia made it outside the hotel. With gasping breaths, she fell to the curb retching on the dirty pavement, no longer unable to control her nausea. Angelus, she thought in devastating fear, or if not Angelus, he will soon be, she thought as her body shook in rage and grief. What had she done? Cordelia cried damming herself.
Chapter ThreeCordelia struggled to stand. She had to go back into the hotel and stake both vampires. She couldn’t allow Angelus and Darla to reunite and start their new ‘Scourge of Europe’ act, because this time it wouldn’t be an overseas act, it would be a hometown show with the local audience being the bloody fodder for their sick games. Now was the time, both vampires were obviously preoccupied. Cordelia choked on the bile seeping in her throat as the image of the vampires’ erotic embrace flashed through her mind. Cordelia could do this, she could dust Angelus, she declared brushing at the tears pouring down her face.
Cordelia laid a shaky hand back on the doorframe. With a disgusted grunt Cordelia pushed away from the door and ran. She couldn’t do it.***
Cordelia barged into her apartment, her body still convulsing in sobs. Her body slumped to the floor as the door slammed behind her. A blanket came floating through the air. It was the only way Phantom Dennis was able to try to comfort the obviously distraught young girl.
Cordelia flung the blanket away and sharply raised her head. “Go away, Leave me alone,” she choked to her ghost roommate. “Go to your wall,” she yelled pulling herself up from the floor. Cordelia couldn’t deal with the solicitous ghost; she had to try to think.
Cordelia imagined she could hear the phantom’s whine of concern floating through the soft breeze that circled her body. “Please,” Cordelia whispered. “Please, Dennis, I need to be alone, right now.”
Cordelia fell to the couch in relief as she felt the ghost’s presence leave the room. She grabbed tightly around her knees. Why? Her mind screamed. Why would Angel have sex with Darla, knowing the risk to his soul? Why? Had he gone so far down the path of darkness that he wanted to be Angelus, that he wanted to join his sire? No, that couldn’t be it, she cried to herself, hugging her legs tighter.
Cordelia tried to push the panic and anguish from her mind. It was Angel that had come to the hospital only over an hour ago. What could have happened between then and now. What could have made Angel willing to loose his soul? She got up and started to pace agitatedly around the room.
She stopped pacing as she caught sight of her reflection in the mirror. Cordelia moved closer to the glass until she was merely inches away. The frightened tear stained face that stared back slowly transformed. The pain filled wide eyes turned into eyes filled with a contemptuous glare. The panicked expression became one of cold disregard. The haughty reflection spoke the same harsh words that Cordelia had spoken to the vampire earlier that night.
"No," Cordelia screamed out loud smashing her fist against the unfeeling likeness of herself. The shards of the glass fell around her trembling body as she crumbled to the floor. Cordelia ignored the blood that ran down her hand as she gazed at the table in the middle of the room.
She pictured it as it was last summer. Wesley was sitting at the table engrossed in his many old tomes trying to find the right translation to the scroll. Angel was sitting nearby sipping at his blood, finally not embarrassed to drink his bloody meals in front of his two friends. Cordelia saw herself standing in the kitchen doorway, smiling in love and joy at her family. Sure, they had been worried about finding a new office, worried about what the evil law firm was up to, they had been cramped and frustrated, but they had been happy. They had all had been here, living and working together.
If someone had told her then that Angel would fire her and Wesley six months later, she would have called them a liar or laughed in their face. If some one had suggested to her, that she would ever turn her back on the vampire when he needed her, she would have done more than call them a liar. She would have quite possibly killed them, if not with a stake, then force of her contempt at their vile insinuation.
That summer, Cordelia had known with all of her heart and soul that she would never abandon Angel, that she would be with him for as long as she had on this earth. Cordelia would have done anything and everything to make sure that Angel reached his Shansu. She had made that promise to Angel and she had meant every word.
What had happen? Cordelia had told Angel once that they were getting cocky. Was that it? Or was it the hotel, maybe they didn’t get rid of all the bad, nasty vibes of the prior evil resident demon. Or was it the mind games, along with the very real dangers that Wolfram & Hart kept throwing in their way. Or was it simply that Cordelia had failed to keep her promise.
Cordelia lifted up her cut hand and stared as the blood trailing down her arm. She watched the red fluid twist a path along her skin.
God, she was tired. The last few months had drained her dry. Cordelia was exhausted by the extreme effort she had exerted to cover up the sadness and loneliness she lived and breathed ever since Angel fired her. She was tired of the fear she experienced every day she hadn’t seen the vampire, fear for him, fear for herself. Cordelia was tired of denying that she loved Angel and needed him. She was too tired even to berate herself for failing to stand by him, for failing to reach the vampire and help him fight his inner demons, to save him. And she was way too damn tired to fight Angelus.
Cordelia couldn’t face Wesley and Gunn. How could she explain that it would be impossible for her to stake Angelus? She laughed bitterly to herself. Cordelia had always thought she would be stronger than Buffy, if Angelus ever really returned. That she would be able to look into the handsome face that had belonged to Angel and thrust a stake through the soulless demon’s non-beating heart without blinking an eye or breaking a sweat. Well, Cordelia wasn’t stronger. She was just as weak as the slayer when it came to Angel or Angelus. No, she was weaker, because she couldn’t just not stake the vampire, she couldn’t help her friends fight the demon. She was a coward. So much for the brave new Cordelia, she thought with another bitter laugh. That girl was gone; she had left with Angel’s soul.
Cordelia shoved herself up from the glass filled floor. She looked in interest at the piece of mirror that had become embedded in her hand as she pushed herself upwards. Funny, Cordelia hadn’t even felt it, she thought, as she pulled out the glass. More of her blood flowed, its bloody path matching the tracks that graced her other arm. A bath would be nice, Cordelia thought, moving towards the bathroom still holding on to the red stained shard of glass.
Cordelia sunk into the warm water. Her fingers swirled in the red tinted water. Wesley and Gunn were not going to be happy about her decision. Well, she couldn’t worry about that. Dennis would make sure they got her note. She was of no use to them, anyway. She would just fail them, like she had failed Angel. Angel, her beautiful, broody vampire, who really left her this time. Left her alone, because Cordelia had told him to. She saw the handsome vampire, his dark eyes filled with concern, relief, and hope as he stared at her in the hospital. Cordelia saw it all now. Earlier in the hospital, Angel had made a move in her direction and she had effectively, ruthless blocked it, just as the vampire had done to her prior feeble attempts to reach him.
But, this wasn’t a game of tit for tat; this was his redemption and her life. And she had failed to keep her promise to him. Cordelia could have opened her heart to him, let him know that she still cared, that she loved him, then she could have yelled at him once he was safely back with her. It was too late now. God, she was cold, Cordelia thought, the piece of glass dropping from her limp hand. She was tired maybe she should just sleep, Cordelia sighed as she closed her eyes sinking down into the water. The bath water was no longer red tinged, but a dark crimson as the blood from the two newly afflicted cuts on the young girl’s wrists filled the tub.
Chapter Four
Angel quietly moved from the bed, trying not to disturb the sleeping blonde vampire. He didn’t want to deal with his sire, not just yet. First he had to think.
The dark vampire pulled on his pants and sat in the chair by the bed. Darla was beautiful, he admitted. And he had definitely wanted her a few hours ago. Angel had wanted her to take away his soul, so he wouldn’t feel anymore. He sighed, a small smile creeping on his face. Well, he sure didn’t feel anything now; he thought looking at the sleeping vampire. Well, to be more accurate he didn’t feel anything for Darla. She wasn’t his love, well, she never was that, but still you would think he would feel something for the vampire that he had spent the greater portion of his undead life with. His demon didn’t even stir in lust when he looked at the sensual vampire's naked form. And truth be told, it wasn’t in lust that he had taken her earlier, it had been in defeat. Angel had given up. Not really the recipe for soul taking happiness, he sighed the smile on his face getting bigger.
God, he was stupid. Angel wished that Cordelia were with him to tease him on how stupid he had been. Angel suddenly frowned, Cordelia wasn’t with him, nor would she ever be if he didn’t do something right away.
“Angelus,” a purr came from the bed. Angel started his thoughts of Cordelia had made him forget momentarily about the vampire in his bed.
Darla leaned up with a smug satisfied smile, her limps stretching out like a well-petted cat. “Come back to bed, my boy. We have a lot of lost time to catch up on.”
“No,” Angel said getting up from the chair moving towards his dresser. “I have things to do.”
“Of course you do, my darling, we both do. We will get to your ‘human’ family, soon enough.” She laughed. “I say we start with that loud mouthed little seer. It will be fun to watch her whimper in terror until her spirit breaks.”
“I think you will be surprised at how strong that little loud mouth girl is,” Angel said pulling on a shirt.
“Then it will even be more fun,” she laughed stretching out on the bed. “Angelus, come here, we have all the time in the world.” She raised a small hand beckoning to the dark vampire.
“No.”
“No?” Darla leaned up. Something was not right.
“No. No, I am not coming back to bed. No, I am not Angelus. And no, you are not going to go near my ‘human’ family, especially, not my loud mouth little seer.” Angel turned to Darla.
“What?” she growled.
“No. It seems that having sex with you did not have the requisite ‘happiness’ to bring back ‘your boy’. Sorry, if I led you on or anything, I thought it would work at the time, but I was wrong. Cordy is right, sometimes I am a very dense and stupid vampire, but then why should I be surprised, Cordelia is always right about what I need and what is best for me.” He sighed as he thought about his beautiful outspoken seer. “I don’t love you, never did. And it seems that I didn’t even really want too loose my soul.” Angel smiled at Darla.
Darla growled in rage lunging for the handsome vampire. Quicker than possible, Angel grabbed the blonde and swung her around his arm clapped over her throat. “For old times sake, I would like to be able to let you go, with your promise to leave LA and never to return, but I know you to well and that means I can’t trust that you would stay away or not harm Cordelia or Wesley. So, goodbye.” Angel plunged the stake that he had gotten from the dresser into the blonde vampire’s chest. Angel stepped back as his sire’s dust scattered on the floor of his suite.
Angel looked at the pile of dust. He didn’t feel guilty. The vampire he had dusted was not the human Darla that he had tried to help. That young woman had struggled to accept her humanity, only to have it cruelly ripped from her as soon as she had. No, this was only the remains of his sire, which should have stayed dusted when Angel first staked her five years earlier. Wolfram & Hart had a lot to answer for, the vampire growled. But first, his one and only priority was getting back to the hospital. He had to see that Wesley was still doing all right. And most importantly, he had to see Cordelia. Angel had to show her, convince her that his seer's faith in him had not been misplaced.
Granted he had attempted soul suicide, but it hadn’t worked. It didn’t work because Angel didn’t want to loose his soul, not really. What the vampire wanted, what he really wanted was his family back. That was the only thing that would enable him to fulfill his destiny.
Angel frowned as Cordelia’s beautiful face flashed in his mind. She was the one, he thought. She was the only one that could really help him reach his humanity. He needed her. When Cordelia had turned her back on him, he had been willing to loose his soul. Angel looked back at the dust on the floor and then at the bed. He would just have to remember that his beautiful seer was also the only one that could ever take his soul. The overwhelming love that Angel now knew that he had for the young girl would have to remain his burden, his secret joy.
But, Angel could still have her in his existence. Or at least he hoped he could as he remembered the coldness of Cordelia's expression at the hospital. But, the vampire thought with confidence tinged with only a little bit of fear, he could be very determined when he wanted something. And Angel wanted Cordelia back and he wanted his family back. And Angel would get them, even if he had to threaten, plead, grovel, and buy Cordelia lots of stupid expensive stuff.
Angel stopped his rapid descent down the stairs. His game face flickered on. Cordelia. He smelled her scent. The fresh spicey scent of his seer was penetrating the mustiness of the room. Angel looked questioningly around. That was impossible, Cordelia wouldn’t have come to the hotel. No, Angel thought, he must just be imagining it, because he had been thinking about the beautiful young girl and wanting her with him. The vampire shook his head and continued to run down the steps of the hotel grabbing his long leather duster on the way. He just wished that it would be as easy as buying Cordelia a few expensive trinkets. But that was not who is seer was, not really. Angel was going to have to fight to regain his proper place in his family. But, he would regain their trust. Angel would regain Cordelia’s trust if it was the last thing he ever did, the vampire growled in promise.
Chapter Five
Angel stopped in front of the glass window that separated him from Wesley’s injured form. Gunn was asleep on the chair next to the former watcher’s hospital bed. Where was Cordelia, the vampire wondered searching for his seer.
“Excuse me,” a voice asked from behind. “Are you a friend?”
“Family.” Angel said as he turned to the young nurse.
The nurse smiled. “Well, then I am sure you will be glad to know that he will be fine. The bullet was removed in time.” She smiled with confidence.
The vampire nodded as the nurse started to move away. “The young girl that was with him, where is she? Beautiful, long dark…” Angel stopped. Cordelia had cut her hair, again. When? Why? He struggled with the thought; he loved her long dark heavy hair. “ I mean, hair about to here,” he amended drawing a finger just below his jaw line picturing his seer as he last saw her. Long hair, short hair, it didn’t matter, she was still beautiful, still his Cordelia. “Beautiful,” the vampire added again just in case the nurse hadn’t heard or understood.
“I know who you mean.” The nurse smiled. “Ms. Chase left a while ago. I am not sure why. She left a cell number in case something changes. Luckily, nothing has. Your friend will be fine,” the nurse offered. Angel nodded letting the nurse go.
Why would Cordelia leave Wesley? That didn’t seem right. Angel knew that the former watcher’s well being was vital to his seer.
A feeling of dread invaded his soul as the vampire remembered the sweet fragrance of his seer drifting through the staleness of the hotel. Could she have been there? Did she follow him from the hospital? Had she come to him?
Angel strode towards the exit; his pace increasing in speed as a burning apprehension descended throughout out his body. Had Cordelia been in the hotel while Darla had been there? An intense panic squeezed his undead heart. Oh god, if she had saw…..No, please, the vampire pleaded with the God that he had abandoned so long ago, no… Cordelia would never forgive him for having sex with the blonde vampire.
Angel hadn’t really wished that Cordelia had been there to tease him about his stupidity with Darla. Angel never wanted his seer to know that he had sex with the blonde vampire. It had been horrible enough seeing Cordelia’s expression when the vampire had briefly alluded to the erotic dreams he had of his sire. He had stopped talking about the dreams just to avoid seeing the bewildered disgusted look that his seer had failed to completely hide. Cordelia would be so mad and disappointed in Angel. It would only make his attempt at reparation of her trust so much more difficult.
Angel sped off in his car heading for Cordelia’s apartment. No…please the vampire prayed imagining the dark haired girl’s beautiful face scrunching up in distaste, that weird ‘Ewwwwing’,” sound coming form her pursed lips. That’s if she would even talk to him or look at him. Life, or unlife, couldn’t really be that unfair could it, Angel thought in panic. He had already been to hell and back; the powers wouldn’t be that cruel, would they?
Sure, Angel had messed up, terribly. He could have destroyed his friends, and Angel realized that now. He knew that he would have to work hard to regain his proper footing on the path to redemption. And Angel knew that he would need to convince Cordelia to come back to him, so she could take his hand and lead him through the difficult journey. But if Cordelia had seen him together with Darla, she would never forgive him. He would really loose his chance at redemption. A deep growl reverberated in the vampire’s chest. Angel could do it, he would just make her listen, just explain that being with Darla was a horrible mistake, that it was just his useless, stupid attempt to commit soul suicide.
He could make her understand and believe in him again. He could do this, the vampire swore as he headed into Cordelia’s apartment building. He was a 248-year-old vampire. He was strong. He feared nothing...except, he thought with resignation, the delicate, but unbreakable 20-year-old mortal girl that could crush him with a look or word.***
The vampire slowed as a blaring jumble of sounds flowed out from Cordelia’s apartment. The mixture of voices from the T.V and music from the stereo clamored together to create an earsplitting obnoxious noise. What the hell? Angel thought wincing as the racket irritated his sensitive vampire eardrums.
Phantom Dennis threw open the front door, his spirit essence swirling around the vampire pushing the stupefied body further into the room. Creating the loud and obnoxious noise was the only way that the ghost could think of to summon help.
The longer the noise blasted through the wall’s the sooner someone would come to investigate and find Cordelia. Dennis hadn’t expected or wanted the vampire to show, but it didn’t matter now that the ghost loathed Angel for the pain that he had subjected Cordelia through in the last months. No, it didn’t matter, not when Angel could save her. The music abruptly shut off, as books and other items flew banging into the closed door of the bathroom.
Blood, the vampire sensed his game face emerging. The potency of the sweet spicy perfume of Cordelia’s life giving fluid overwhelmed him, staggering him. It wasn’t the scent of her blood pulsing through her veins; it was the scent of her blood spilling out into the air, Angel growled in terrified fury as he tried to listen for the young girl’s heartbeat. He rushed towards the bathroom as the fragile, erratic rhythm of his seer heart weakened and slowed. With unrestrained rage and fear, the vampire yanked the lock door from its hinges throwing it wildly aside.
“No” Angel growled in horror. Time froze as the world stopped rotating for Angel as he stared at the beautiful girl. Cordelia lay dying in the bath of her own blood.
The vampire forced down the overpowering fear that threatened to debilitate him as he grabbed for a towel, effectively blocking any thoughts or emotions, which would hinder him from his necessary goal. Angel ripped at the towel with his fangs as he pulled Cordelia’s frail limp body from the bloody water. The vampire cradled his seer’s form tightly onto his lap as he tied the strips of fabric around the still seeping wounds on the unconscious girl’s wrist.
Standing, Angel seized the Cordelia’s robe that was hovering in the air nearby. He wrapped the terry cloth garment securely around his precious bundle, cocooning Cordelia's cold body in the thick robe. Angel paused as Dennis’ presence swirled around him. The ghost had one more thing to do, an envelope floated in the air pushing itself towards the vampire the paper shoving itself into Angel’s hand. Angel saw Gunn’s name on the paper written in Cordelia’s familiar hand. Angel crumpled the envelope and thrust into his pocket. Angel would deal with whatever was inside later, right now; he had to get Cordelia to the hospital.
Chapter Six
Angel rushed into the hospital emergency room; Cordelia still clasped in his protective embrace. “Somebody, Please..” he shouted the vampire's rough growl mirroring the panicked plea of his soul.
“What happened,” a busy nurse asked running up to the couple.
“She lost too much blood, too much,” he explained.
The nurse knowingly nodded as she looked at the bloody strips of terry cloth around the unconscious young girl’s wrist.
“We have a ‘slicer’,” she shouted to an orderly. The nurse along with the orderly tried to remove the young girl from the Vampire’s strong hold.
“Sir, we have to get her into a room. Do you know her blood type?”
Intoxicating, the vampire thought. “B positive,” he growled out loud reluctantly releasing Cordelia’s body.
The nurse nodded to the orderly motioning the man to put the young girl on the gurney. Angel followed the nurse and orderly as they rushed Cordelia up to a room. A terrifying sense of déjà vu descended over Angel as he pushed open the doors of the hospital's Neuro-Psychiatric Wing. Angel watched as the needles and plastic veins were hooked into Cordelia’s once vibrant and healthy body. He closed his eyes as he saw the slow drip of life restoring fluid slowly being pumped back into her lifeless form.
“Sir, Sir, “ another voice broke into his concentration. “Sir, Are you family?”
“Yes” the vampire growled. The young doctor looked briefly away at the force of emotion reverberating off the tall dark man.
“Was she using in any drugs?” Angel shook his head.
“Any history of mental illness.” Angel started to shake his head again. No, he thought Cordelia’s previous stay in this place was not the result of any mental illness, but the result of Vocah’s curse.
“No,” he growled.
“Any signs that she would want to take her life?” The doctor inquired.
“NO,” the vampire choked. “Cordelia would never just give up, life was to precious to her, she was too strong.”
“Well, something happened to make her want to give up. Her cuts are to deep for it to be merely a cry for help. No, she wanted to succeed and she almost did. She has lost too much blood. It was good that you brought her here when you did, her body had already start to shut it self down.” The doctor looked at the man’s expression of devastation and denial. The young intern shook his head. It was always hard for the family members of suicide victims to admit that there loved one had been in so much turmoil that they would be willing to kill themselves. “Sir, you did get her here in time,” the doctor sympathetically reassured Angel. “As soon a she is conscious, we will send around the hospital psychologist to speak with her.”
Angel looked up puzzled.
“Sir, there was a reason, she did this. It must be discovered and treated or she will just attempt suicide again.”
Angel shook his head forcibly. “No, she will NOT,” he growled. The doctor shrugged and left the distraught handsome man staring intently at the pale girl.
Why would Cordelia give up? She had been fine when Angel had seen her earlier in the hospital. Angry, frightened, but fine. She had still been the strong Cordelia that he had always known. What happened between then and now?
Okay, Cordelia had been in the hotel, but even if she had seen Darla and him, Cordelia wouldn’t have attempted to kill herself, no, she would have been much more likely just to have staked him. Angel felt the paper rubbing up against his hand that was buried in the pocket of his duster.
It was addressed to Gunn. Tough, he growled ripping the envelope open. Angel began to read ignoring the tearstains and smudged red blurs on the paper. ‘Gunn, I am sorry. I failed him, and now….Angelus is back. I can’t….I am not strong enough. I am just so tired. I am sorry. Take care of Wesley. I love you, both’, the ink blurred as it mixed with the tearstains and drops of blood on the paper. Angel crumbled the piece of paper in his hand. A wave of guilt and nausea invaded his soul and body. It was his fault. Every action the vampire had taken over the last few months had brought his beautiful, strong, loving seer to this point. Angel had broken her will and spirit as if he had inflicted the cuts on the young girl himself.
“Angel,” a cold voice called to him as the vampire was seized from behind.
Angel opened his pain filled eyes into the very angry eyes of Gunn. “A nurse just told me that Cordelia was brought in. What happened? Where is she?”
Angel moved slightly away from the young kid’s grip allowing Gunn to see into Cordelia’s room. Gunn looked into the room noticing immediately the IV and the bandages on her wrist. Gunn turned back to the still vampire the fury in his voice undisguised. “What did you do? You did this. You were the cause. Wasn’t it enough just to abandon her, did you have to destroy her also.” Gunn shoved at him pushing the unresisting vampire to the wall. “Get out of here, you have lost your right to care about her, either of them.” The street kid cried.
Abruptly, Angel grabbed at the kid growling as he picked the young man off the floor by the neck. No one would keep him from Cordelia or his family, the vampire swore to himself, not any more.
“Right? I have every right,” Angel growled his extreme possessive instincts towards Cordelia rose above his feelings of guilt. “She is mine. I will not leave her or Wesley, ever again.” the vampire growled releasing Gunn.
Gunn stared at the vampire. “They don’t want you here, we don’t want you here.”
Angel’s eyes glowed yellow. “I don’t care want you want. Don’t make the mistake of trying to come between them and me. You will fail,” Angel swore striding away from the angry young man before Angel did something that he would regret later.
Angel strode down the stairs his face expressionless as he pushed open the door to the floor that Wesley’s was recuperating on. The vampire stood at the foot of the hospital bed staring hard at the sleeping former watcher.
How did it come back to this, the vampire silently asked his friend. My family lying in this hospital fighting for their lives while the vampire had to watch, their pain and injuries caused because of him.
In his mind, Angel heard Wesley’s excited voice filled with awe and hope, …..Only a thing that is not alive never dies…It’s saying you get to live until you die…it’s saying you become human. How could he do that? Angel thought. How could the vampire become human without his family?
“I won’t disappoint you, again, I promise,” Angel said softly to his still friend.
Angel went back to the Neuro-Psychiatric floor, ignoring Gunn as the street kid was worriedly interrogating the nurse at the front station.
Angel stood beside Cordelia, his fingers tenderly resting on the bandaged hand of the young girl. Just like before, the vampire thought. But then, it had been an outside evil that had put Cordelia in the hospital. An evil that had a demon form, an evil that he could fight and destroy. A way that the vampire could save his seer. This time, it was Angel’s own darkness, his own mistakes that brought Cordelia here.
“Cordelia…I’m going to fix this, I promise, I’m going to get you back….I need you back,” Angel’s voice breaking in emotion as he repeated his earlier vow of six months ago.
The vampire settled on the bed wrapping his large body gently around the girl’s smaller frame. “I need you…..I love you,” the vampire added roughly. Finally saying the words that he had known to be true even back then. “I love you,” Angel repeated laying his head on her fragile chest, taking comfort in the sound of the delicate rhythm of Cordelia’s heart.