Go TeamC/A
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Title: TLC
Author: Scorched
Posted:
Rating: N-17
Category: Romance/Smut
Content: C/A
Summary: A standalone challenge given to me a couple of weeks ago.
Spoilers:
Disclaimer: The characters in the Angelverse were created by Joss Whedon & David Greenwalt. No infringement is intended, no profit is made.
Distribution: AO, Cal, Lil n Lio's place
The Challenge: Angel finds out Wilson Christopher was Cordy's first and he decides to make it up to her by showing her exactly how it's done. Just so you know, I've worked my ass off on this and I'm so bloody proud of it!
Thanks/Dedication:
Feedback: please
Part 1His large hands carefully cushioned the back of his head as he glanced unseeingly up at the ceiling, counting the slight chips in the paint. Another day for him to figure out if he should tell Buffy the news about his soul or if he should just let that part of his life rest. Blocking out the sounds on the street outside, Angel didn't blink as the weight of indecisiveness made sighing a necessity.
Did he even want to go back? Did he want her back? Was, could there be a future for them? Somehow he didn't think so.
A snort of laughter interrupted his musing causing Angel's lips to quirk up at the edges as his mind wandered off the topic of his newly secured soul and wondered what his seer was giggling at. The vampire quickly turned his thoughts back to his soul, Buffy and the question at hand.
What was he going to do?
Not that it was a question which needed an answer of course, he already knew what he wasn't going to do but he wasn't quite ready to say it aloud just yet. His and Buffy's love life had ended when she had clearly told him she had someone new just to hurt him. Love wasn't supposed to make people hurt each other, love was…
Angel sighed again as he realized he didn't really know what love was supposed to make people do. Had he ever truly loved someone with everything in him? Had he loved Buffy like that? Once over, the answer to that question would have been yes, but now that he looked back he could say he wasn't sure.
The Slayer had been the first person to touch his soul, give him a purpose and give him what she could. She had been his savior and hero, had he loved her like a man would love a woman or had he simply been grateful for she had done for him? Looking back on how they had been, Angel could honestly say he didn't know.
Rubbing his tired face with his palms, the vampire's third sigh escaped through the cracks in his fingers before ruffling the short spikes of his hair rapidly as though that would help him. Rolling onto his side, Angel's view changed from the ceiling to the calming peach shade of the bedroom wall and thought of his seer.
Seeing her laying there, strapped to the hospital bed surrounded by a world of pain opened up to her, almost destroying her from the inside out had crushed him. Even now, when Angel knew she was safe in the next room, the tear in his heart was enough to make him squeeze his eyes shut trying to banish that image from his mind.
Her face so pale, beautiful eyes seeing things he couldn't imagine, lips moving and silent, incoherent words pouring out the witnessed anguish. Screams so pained not even the demon inside him had reacted. Over and over, the vampire was filled with living pictures of her young, humanly fragile body pulled taut against the onslaught of hell while the bonds meant to protect her from self-harm only served to turn her wrists red.
The only thing keeping him sane was the knowledge he had saved her and himself, brought her back and now she was safe with him.
Another snort of laughter, this time a scoff of puffed air accompanied the giggle and Angel was yet again brought out of his thoughts to wonder, more curiously, what was so amusing.
“Uh-huh” he heard Cordelia deadpan disbelievingly “And there's a pig taking off from LAX every twenty minutes” the sarcasm in her voice was unmistakable.
His eyebrows scrunched up a little and he pushed his lethargic body up, Angel cocked his head to one side to hear what she was so obviously unimpressed with but he couldn't hear.
This time, instead of a snorted giggle came a loud and definitely sarcastic laugh from the brunette in the living room and heightened his curiosity. Concentrating really hard, Angel unsuccessfully tried to figure out what had her laughing like that.
“Oh sure, like that happens” his seer scoffed, openly conveying her contradicting thoughts on whatever it was that had her attention. “Pfft!”
Another half smile flirted at Angel's mouth when he heard the familiar funny little sound she made, something must be highly amusing to her. Getting up from the soft mattress, the vampire strode towards the bedroom door to try and hear better without disturbing her. Pressing the side of his face to the back of the door, he made the attempt to figure out what she found humorous.
All he could hear was the gentle lull of her heart beat and breathy laughter coming from that mouth of hers. While those were musical sounds, they still didn't tell him what she was laughing at. Carefully, Angel turned the handle round as quietly as possible and inched the door slightly ajar to see if it was something on TV.
His warm, curious brown eyes peeked round the edge of the door and Angel darted a glance over at the TV just beside the fire place. Though the side of it was facing him, he could just make out the outline of people but couldn't see what they were doing and it was now obvious the sound was turned off.
“Cordelia?” Angel exited the bedroom, unsure if he was intruding on private time “Everything alright?” even though she was laughing, he couldn't help but ask if she was alright. After the last two weeks and her hospitalization, taking of his seer had become second nature to him.
If it hadn't been for the creaking of her bedroom door, Cordelia would have jumped at the sudden sound of the vampire's voice. As it was, the only thing she had to worry about was changing the channel before Angel noticed what exactly it was she was watching.
Snatching the remote from up next to her feet, Cordelia immediately changed the channel before she responded to his enquiry. The hazel irises looked mildly guilty as she shifted on her couch cushion to make room for him at the other end.
“I didn't mean to wake you” the channel button was clicked and the images on the screen changed. “Sorry”
Edging further into the living room, Angel bit his lower lip as he was still unsure whether or not he was intruding on something. “You didn't wake me” his voice was usually quiet as he slowly made his way towards the comfortable leather couch. “I was just thinking”
Cordelia gave him a knowing expression, “You mean you were brooding” her lips quirked up in an amused smile as her slightly guilty hazel eyes locked onto his tired brown ones.
“Thinking” Angel corrected “There's a difference” like his statement would mean anything to her.
“Thinking is when you ponder the differences between day and night, brooding is when you stay holed up in my room and wallow in whatever it is ensouled vampires wallow in” the young woman replied matter-of-factly with a stern glance up at him. “What were you wallowing in?”
Leaning his hip against the back of the couch, Angel pretended not to hear her question about his wallowing and instead focused on what was playing on the television. His rich gaze conveyed the confusion he felt when he saw the little mouse being chased into the hole by the grey cat. Surely Tom and Jerry couldn't have been what had her sarcastically amused.
Nudging his head towards the cartoon, the vampire made a move to ask why she was watching it without sound. “Why is the sound turned off?”
Cordelia didn't look at him and so he missed the light pink hue which decorated the apples of her cheeks. “I didn't want to wake you Angel” she explained, “You haven't gotten much sleep since the whole vision hell and office catastrophe so I decided to be considerate girl and let you get some rest”
He may not have seen the flush paint her skin but he didn't the miss the slight quickening beat of her heart and the tiny, barely noticeable hitch in her breathing. Simple curiosity gave way to intrigue. “You like cartoons?” Angel enquired as he moved round the edge of the couch to sit next to her.
“They provide some much needed light entertainment in our world of gloom and doom” she supplied as she curled her legs up under her thighs, making room for him to get comfortable. “Besides, Jerry is too cute for his own good!” anything to not confess what she had been watching.
It wasn't hard to tell she was trying to fib her way out of something, the interjection of humor gave the game away completely. Instead of calling her on it, Angel simply let nature take its course. In other words, he'd wait until she couldn't keep quiet anymore and told him herself.
After a few moments of companionable silence, Angel's patience with his seer was rewarded when he caught her shooting little side glances his way. Inquisitive hazel irises kept peeking at him through darkened eyelashes, the silent debate over whether or not she could and should confide in him evident on her face.
A few more moments passed and Cordelia was now tilting her head at him, dying to say and ask him something but the question of should or shouldn't she remained heavily on her expression. The vampire barely held a straight face as his seer began to nibble on her lower lip as her willpower started to fade into oblivion.
The sucked in breath of courage told him she was ready to cave and possibly spill all her deepest, darkest secrets to him. When her fingertips moved to fidget with the hem of her nightshirt, Angel sighed unnecessarily and took the plunge.
“What is it, Cordelia?”
“Nothing” the answer was given too quickly and he gave her a knowing look which caused Cordelia to turn her gaze towards the floor. “Well, almost nothing anyway… Just drop it okay?”
“If there's something bothering you…” Angel's voice trailed off and his concern hung around her like a protective blanket and made her feel safe, like nothing could hurt when he was there.
Twisting her whole body around to face the dark haired vampire, Cordelia looked at him and dove in at the deep end. “There is and there isn't” the two words were a complete contradiction to the expression on her face and Angel again waited patiently for her to continue. “You've been not alive for centuries now and have obviously been around the block a few dozen times, right?”
It was a good thing he knew her well enough not to read any insults into the words, Cordelia was just Cordelia and when she was uncomfortable with something, the first thing in her head was usually blurted out.
Not pretending to misunderstand her words, Angel shifted a little as his earlier thoughts were pulled back to the forefront of his brain. “I don't sleep around” he told her truthfully, “Well, not anymore” he quietly mumbled the addition.
“I wasn't implying that you did” she quickly reiterated, “I just meant you're pretty experienced in all things, you know, sexual.” Not waiting for him to give her any sort of reply, Cordelia turned to the channel back to the lightly erotic movie she had been watching.
If vampires could blush, Angel suspected he'd be a pretty shade of plum right about now. Fidgeting on his part of the sofa, his fingers traced invisible patterns around the cream colored arm and his gaze was fixated on her floor. “Cordelia” she had to know how uncomfortable this made him. He tried to keep his attention off of the television and the look of pleasure on both the man and woman.
It only made him want things he couldn't have.
“Angel” Cordelia stated and made a calming gesture with her hands and regained his interest in the matter at hand. “Look” she started again after a second's hesitation. “That just isn't true” one slender finger pointed in the direction of the television screen where a man and woman lay entwined under the sheets. “It doesn't happen like that, does it?”
Angel wished it did. “Not in my experience” he mumbled regretfully, his thoughts drifting to the last time he'd performed in the ritual of love making and the day that he alone remembered. It surprised the vampire when that particular memory didn't hurt as it once did, it held a bittersweet pang but not crushing heart break.
“Didn't you have the fireworks, romance and all that crappola when you were with Buffy?” Cordelia asked, oblivious to the direction of his thoughts at that precise moment in time.
“No” the vampire sighed as he was once again hit with another bittersweet pang at another memory of his ex-girlfriend. “The romance and fireworks came after” off her look, Angel elaborated “Angelus”
“Oh. Sorry” she offered sheepishly, feeling a little silly for not thinking before she asked the question. With an intake of breath, she changed the topic away from the evil version of her best friend to a lighter portion of the current conversation. “At least you didn't impregnate her with your demon spawn”
A smile flickered at the edges of his lips at her attempt at cheering him up at her own expense. Angel remembered all too well the situation with Wilson Christopher and the pregnancy. He also remembered the incredible restraint he showed when he left him alive, mentally disturbed but alive nonetheless. “You got the romance and fireworks too, huh?”
“In full, glorified techni-color with added enlarged stomach” Cordelia's smile was full of grim amusement as that not-so-nice and recent memory of her life rattled around in her brain.
“You never did tell me how long you'd known him”
“Not long enough evidently” off Angel's urging to continue, she told him about the disaster-like fling. “You remember Serena? Well, I'd gone to a club, met her first and she introduced me to Wilson” her heart-shaped face held regret. “I'd known him a few weeks before anything happened, I didn't sleep with him on the first date”
“I don't doubt that” Angel knew Cordelia well enough by now to know she wasn't like most girls who slept around for the hell of it. “If it makes you feel any better, I knew a girl for a few hours and ended up dead”
Her uncolored lips curled up in a smile as she shook her head, “Men are so easy no matter what the century” the expression on her face and the gentle teasing in her hazel orbs took the sting out of her words. “That was the blonde girl who tried to kill Mrs. Summers right?”
“Darla” Angel supplied in a hefty breath, “That was her name. She was my sire and I killed her”
“Good” Cordelia stated firmly, “She tried to kill Mrs. Summers so it's good that she's dust. You must be the envy of men everywhere, you actually got to kill your ex-honey”
Her blunt statement earned her another flicker of a smile, a little bigger than the last one. “What about Xander?” Angel enquired, why a young woman like Cordelia would ever date a guy like Xander Harris was beyond his comprehension. “Didn't you have the romance and fireworks with him?”
There was a brief pause as Cordelia figured out how to answer his answer question without resorting to the use of high profanity. It didn't hurt like it did once but she still bore the scar of what he had done to her with Willow. “Romance and fireworks with him? Not likely. His idea of romance and fireworks was shacking up with Willow behind my back”
“So you never slept with him?” Angel was surprised at the sound of her indignant yell of denial. He'd always been under the impression that his seer had been with Xander, they'd seemed pretty serious in high school. From the way Buffy, Xander and Willow occasionally spoke about her, Angel was under the impression Cordelia was a stereotypical cheerleader. “Your first time was with…” he couldn't bring himself to repeat the name.
“Wilson?” Cordelia finished his sentence for him with a slight grin quirking up at either corners of her mouth “Unfortunately so, yeah.” The revelation she had been a virgin before Wilson shouldn't have come as a surprise but it did and the vampire inwardly berated himself for judging her because of what others had said.
Angel lowered his gaze from hers, what right did he have to judge her? Even back in high school when he hadn't known her, hadn't wanted to know her. Cordelia must have realized what he was thinking and a swift elbow to his ribs quickly snapped him out of it. “My reputation certainly got around I take it” there was no bitterness or anger in her voice as she called him on his judgment, only an acceptance that made him feel for her. “Don't worry about it, there's wasn't just you who thought I was the school bike”
“Wilson Christopher wasn't a great accomplishment, I admit but at least I didn't get impaled on a rebar” the vampire's gaze was drawn to the left side of her stomach when she lifted her shirt an inch or two, showing the healed scar. The vampire found himself wanting to reach out and touch that scar, erasing the hurt but it was part of what made her who she was today. “As much of an ass as Xander was as a boyfriend, he still had a good heart and he could be really sweet”
Angel couldn't help but doubt that, Xander along with Spike was a thorn in his side. “When my parents got busted for tax fraud, Xander paid for my prom dress and when we were dating, he bought me this locket with our pictures in” there was a wistful sigh in her voice when she told him that.
“I gave Buffy a Claddagh ring for her birthday” Angel told the brunette unnecessarily, “That was a few hours before Angelus, I, made everyone's life a misery”
Cordelia sneaked a glance at the vampire, feeling a wave of heart-felt longing on his behalf. Neither of them had a good track record with romance by the sounds of things, she'd been impregnated and impaled, he'd gone evil twice and been sent to hell. “You shouldn't blame yourself Angel, that wasn't you. Well, not the whole you anyway. Besides, Angelus wasn't so bad if you discount the dead puppies, people and the torturing of Giles”
“Thanks” Angel deadpanned dryly with a slight smile lifting the corners of his mouth.
“Well” Cordelia looked at the clock on the mantle piece with a tired sigh and stifled yawn. “It's pretty late so I'm gonna hit the hay. Goodnight Angel if you go out, leave a note or wake me up when you get home to let me know you're okay”
He nodded his goodnight and watched as she hauled herself up off the couch, her bare feet made shuffling noises along the carpet. Angel let his head flop back to rest on the edge of the couch, thinking about what Cordelia had confided in him. It was a shame that her introduction to love making had been with a creep like Wilson Christopher and not with someone who cared for her.
Angel's attention once again centered on the television screen and he watched as the man lit candles, smoothed bed sheets and generally set the scene to seduce his woman. That was what Cordelia deserved to have had for her first time. Love, friendship, romance and everything else that with it.
She was a beautiful young woman, barely twenty years old and bound to a 248 year-old vampire with a soul by painful visions. It seemed she hadn't known much love in her life, even from her parents who had pretty much thrown money at her to keep her out of their way. Cordelia was an incredible woman and any man would be lucky to have her.
He wasn't blind to her faults, but then she never tried to hide them from him either and that just made her a little bit more special. Cordelia was naturally blunt, tactless to a fault sometimes and too stubborn for her own good and not forgetting the way she never listened to a word he said.
This past year, Angel had noticed a considerable change in the young woman's attitude towards herself and other people. She was calmer, more at peace despite what she sees in the visions and it was as if she'd grown into this remarkable person over night. Maybe she had always been this remarkable person and he'd just never noticed until now, until he was faced with the possibility of life without her.
Fear was all he'd felt at the thought of no Cordelia in his life, even now his throat closed up with panic. Angel's gaze flickered over to the closed bedroom door, reassuring himself she was in there safe and unharmed.
What did she dream about at night? When she was laying there in her bed under the covers with the world shut out. Her body warm to the touch, hair that smelled like fresh rain and skin cloud soft to the touch.
The fruity bath foam she had used still hung in the air around him, the now empty spot on the couch was still warm and the cushions held the scent he knew uniquely as Cordy. Picking up a small throw cushion, Angel let his eyes drift shut as he inhaled deeply and committed it to a part of his memory that could never be taken away or replaced.
Covering his closed gaze with the cushion, the vampire tightened his grip on the soft knitted material and let the humanity warm his skin. It wasn't right Angel thought, for Cordelia to go through that for her first time just like it hadn't been right for Buffy. The similarities between the girls' first times were very different but both had held an equal effect of wrongness. They both deserved better, Cordelia deserved better.
Tossing the cushion back to its original place, Angel sighed unnecessarily before pushing his body up off the comfortable couch. He squeezed the bridge of his nose, rubbed his hands over his face and through his hair.
“I need to go kill something”***
It wasn't the first time he had to force himself to kill and he doubted it would be the last. So what if he had a soul and fighting the good fight was his sworn duty, Angel still felt it every time he had to stake one of his kind. Seeing the game face of other vampires immediately made him thought of his own and what he had looked like to the people he had killed.
A monster, that's what others of his kind looked like to him and so that's what he looked like, no matter what Cordelia said. Ugly, evil and hideous; if he had the ability to reflect, he would see the epitome of evil.
The concrete paving was solid beneath his footsteps, smells of fast food stores and food carts filled the air around him, making this a typical weekday night in Los Angeles. Exhaust fumes of vehicles mingled with the burgers, hot dogs and whatever else was cooked on a Wednesday night. Above him, the stars were overshadowed by the artificial street lights and spotlights on the rooftops of the bigger hotels. Everything was so normal.
Walking along the still busy street, Angel passed open stores with late-night shoppers who hoped to beat the daytime rush. Some people walked hand in hand, some arm in arm and some were by themselves. He doubted that even half of those people knew about the demonic underworld, he didn't know whether to pity them or envy them.
Ignorance was the one thing that didn't discriminate in the modern world and that fact never ceased to amaze him. Humans could put a man on the moon yet they couldn't treat each other as equals. There was so much about humanity that he didn't understand. The way they shamelessly killed their own species for the sake of one man's ideals was in the top five of his top ten things about humans that didn't add up list.
He'd fought with the British in World War 2 and during his time as a soldier, he'd seen humanity at its worst. Oradour was one Angel would never forget, an entire village with a population of around 4,000, the men had been taken to a barn, the women and children had been put in a church. The men were the first to be slaughtered and, after hearing their torturing death, the women and children had been burnt alive.
To this day, what remains of that village stands untouched as a reminder of the atrocities that the human race is capable of.
In their own way, vampires were no different except they don't hate their victims and they don't commit acts of terrorism just because they have ideals on how things should be run. Well, most vampires didn't anyway.
His deep thinking was interrupted by a large truck beeping the horn at another driver who'd missed a red light. Glancing at the idiot in the car as it zoomed past him Angel shook his head, shoved his hands into his pockets and continued his slow walk along the City of Angels.
He stopped suddenly when a warming, delicious scent from inside a shop caught his attention. Snapping his intrigued brown eyes through the window, Angel saw a colorful display of a variety of candles. Red, yellow, blue, gold, silver and green decorated the shelves in the window. They were all in different shapes and sizes; round, square, curved, triangle and some looked like waves. Angel just knew Cordelia would love some of these for the apartment.
Staring at the colorfully shaped wax, the vampire's thoughts once more drifted back to the conversation Cordelia brought up earlier. The regretful and wistful tone in her voice had been unmistakable as she told him about the Wilson situation and the way her eyes glazed over as she watched the movie.
“What am I doing?” Angel whispered and leaned his forehead against the glass window when he realized where his thoughts were going. It didn't matter if he had a permanent soul now, he was still a vampire with a not-so-good past and the occasional violent tendency. Cordelia wouldn't lower herself to be with him, she saw him screw things up with Buffy so why would she even think of being with him.
“What? Do I think I can make it up to her? Give her something she never had?” Angel almost laughed out loud at the way he was seriously thinking. If he couldn't make up for a hundred years' worth of destruction, how could he make something like this up to Cordelia?
“Stupid” Angel blew out on an unneeded breath of air and pushed away from the window. Buffy didn't need him, she basically said as much when she came for vengeance and maybe he didn't need her. He had a family of his own now, friends and his own purpose in life and that was more than he'd ever had.
Remembering the way he felt at seeing Cordelia laying bound to the hospital bed, Angel knew where he needed to be and he knew by all that she had given up where he was wanted. Could there be something more between them? He wasn't sure. Would she let him be with her? He doubted it. Did he want to be with her? He knew he couldn't be without her.
Maybe it was worth finding out and maybe the beautiful brunette would give him the courtesy of, did he dare think it? Making love to her? Angel knew he could make the physical aspect of it good for Cordelia but that wasn't the problem, the problem was being left alone the morning after. Could this really happen?
So many questions and there was only one way to find out the answers.
Part 2The comfortable grey cotton pajama shorts clung to her toned thighs as Cordelia wearily shuffled towards her kitchen, yawning and rubbing the last remnants of sleep from her eyes. A hair band held her long, wavy hair off her face in an unkempt bun with lots of wispy strands floating messily all over. Still a little pale off her stay in hospital, the skin on her face was dewy and a slightly puffy from sleeping for the last eight hours.
“Morning Dennis” the seer greeted through a large yawn, “Did Angel get back alright?” she asked as her body moved automatically towards the coffee pot. Her hazel eyes were drawn to the attention of a piece of paper her roommate rustled. Grabbing it, Cordelia read the few lines her other dead roommate had written.
“Got home safe and sound. See you when I wake up. Angel” she scowled at the miniscule note. “That is not a note, that is a-a- I don't know what it is but it isn't a note” Cordelia yawned again and gave up making herself some coffee. Her fingertips were still tingling from her position in bed and she fumbled with pulling a chair out from under her kitchen table. “Uhhh” she groaned and flopped down onto it “It's too early”
A quick glance at the wall clock told her it was almost twelve in the afternoon, with a shrug she cast the fact that it was almost time for Angel to get up aside and concentrated on waking up.
She must have ended up taking a catnap for the vampire softly shook her awake about five minutes later.
“Hey” Angel stated quietly, a half smile lifted the edges of his mouth upwards “Cordelia” her name came out on a lilted singsong voice that was full of amusement. “Wakey, wakey”
“Hmmph?” Cordelia's eyes blinked open and her head rose off her crossed arms, she curled her mouth up in disgust when she noticed a small drool spot on her forearm. “Oh morning Angel, isn't it early for you?”
“It's one thirty in the afternoon” another quick glance at the wall clock confirmed he was indeed telling the truth. Stepping away from his seer, Angel looked at the woman half asleep at her kitchen table and wondered if her sleep was still restless. “Not much sleep?” he enquired without asking for too much information.
“Oh no, plenty of sleep” Cordelia replied honestly, “It's just one of those days where I feel like I could sleep forever and still be tired” the barely held open hazel eyes was confirmation enough.
“Why don't you go back to bed for a while?” Angel suggested, it would give him some time to work up the courage to ask the brunette if she would go out with him sometime. As it was, the female species wasn't known for its mercy towards men for Cordelia declined going back to bed and opted for batting those sleep-dewed irises at him.
When she smiled gently like that, the tiniest dimple appeared just under the left corner of her mouth. Why had he never noticed that before?
“Dennis?” Cordelia was oblivious to the direction of his thoughts as she called out to her ghost. “Please can you make me some coffee?” caffeine would make everything better, as it always did.
“No it's okay Dennis. I'll make it” the sudden thought of Dennis attending to his seer's needs didn't fill him with the usual feelings of amusement. Angel turned his back to the brunette and set about completing his self given task. “Two sugars, right?” at her affirmation, he added two sugars and waited for the water to boil.
A companionable silence followed, leaving Angel with perfect time to approach Cordelia.
Clearing his throat, the vampire got her attention and could feel her eyes rest on him as he prepared to speak. “Do you have any plans later?” how his voice came out steady, he would never know but he was grateful that it did. “I need to talk”
It was unusual for Angel to come right out and say he needed to talk so Cordelia figured it must be really serious if he said that. “My social life is avoiding me right now so my night is free, you wanna rent a movie and order some take-out? It's classic 'talk' food” she silently wondered what he could want to talk to her about.
He didn't answer as he finished off making the coffee for their morning caffeine hit and sat down. Dark timber gaze settled nervously on open, trusting hazel orbs that shone with friendship and a host of other emotions he didn't understand. Her smile was encouraging, warm and soothing, the apples of her cheeks were puffed up a little and he wanted to brush his thumb over the small slope down to caress the full lips.
“Angel?” Cordelia's voice cut through his study, “What is it? You can tell me anything, you know that”
“Can I?” Angel asked gruffly, forcing his gaze away from the increasing attractiveness of his seer's heart-shaped face. That forced away gaze was snapped back to her when he felt her small, warm hand close tightly around his cool one, slender feminine fingers wrapped around his roughened palm.
Her voice turned throaty and low while her orbs blazed with meaning. “Yes” Cordelia stated simply and easily, “You've saved my life more timed than I can count Angel, since I doubt I'll ever save yours, the least I can do is listen to you. Besides, we're friends, more than that we're family now and that's what families do… I'm available now as it happens”
A small chuckle came out in a hissed breath as Angel tried to figure out where to start. Even the beginning sounded complicated to his ears. “I…” this was hopeless, he was hopeless. “Cordy” his rich dark brown eyes flickered nervously across the worried features of his seer. “It's nothing bad, don't worry” the worried expression receded somewhat and she settled back in her chair.
Her face was so expressive, the way the perfectly shaped brows arched in the middle and the way the hazel seemed to melt into toffee. How had he missed that?
“I was thinking about what we talked about last night”
Cordelia gave him a quizzical glance as she went through what she could have said that would make Angel this troubled. “I'm sorry, not following here. What we talked about?”
“Us” Angel elaborated “Our bad track record with romance”
“What about it?”
“You were right” there was a lot to be said for stating the obvious and from the expression now crossing Cordelia's face said it all for him. Angel shifted uncomfortably under the weight of her stare. “Maybe Xander didn't understand you, like” he struggled to get all this out the way it was supposed to “Buffy didn't understand me”
Cordelia sighed heavily and her coffee cup landed on the table top with a quiet thud. She was unusually quiet as she leaned her cheek on one clenched fist, gazing at the vampire with a serious expression. “That wasn't the problem with Xander and I Angel, the problem was he didn't love me. I was just too stupid to see it. That was a far cry from your problem with Buffy. Your only problem was the losing of your soul”
She knew that wasn't the only problem with Angel's relationship with the blonde Slayer but Cordelia was not going to voice out what her opinion. If he didn't know the problem then it wouldn't make any difference if she enlightened him, he would only deny them.
Though pensive, Angel's expression was quiet disbelief as he contemplated the brunette's statement regarding his past relationship. “No it wasn't but I appreciate your rare moment of tact” his dry comment had a quirky smile forming on her lips.
“Less tact, I was merely trying to save precious breath” the teasing glint in her gaze took the sting out of her words and she made a motion for him to continue talking to her.
“It wouldn't matter if I had lost my soul with her” Angel fully intended on telling her about his soul. “None so true as a love between a vampire and slayer” his use of dry sarcasm wasn't lost on her. His own lips twitched at the corners, the pangs of heart break never came. Instead of continuing to talk about their respective ex's, the vampire drank the rest of his now tepid coffee and changed the subject. “What are you looking for?”
It took Cordelia a moment to adjust to the sudden change in the conversation. “In a man? Oh um, if I was in high school or even six months ago this would be where I'd say tall, handsome and with enough money to keep me in blue boxes for the rest of my life…”
This time, Angel did smile “Tiffany's”
Cordelia's entire face lit up, her lips curled up completely and a sparkle appeared in the bright hazel orbs as he correctly identified the name of her favourite jewellers. “But now I don't know, all of a sudden personality is this big, important thing that's missing from the male race. On the rare occasion I go out, most of the guys I meet are either trying to stick their tongues down my throat or they're spouting the lamest chat-up lines ever and I don't get me started on the groping”
Angel was lost as soon as she mentioned males trying to stick their tongues down her throat until the word groping left her mouth. “Groping?” his eyes fully spoke the way he felt about that bit of information. “You get groped? Some guy touches you?” was it safe to let her go out on her own?
“Geez calm down” Cordelia rolled her eyes in exasperation, totally missing the envy mingled with the distaste in the vampire's voice. “They think a quiet word in the ear combined with a quick squeeze of my ass is enough to get me into bed. I hate it when a guys just takes things like that for granted” her little vent was ended the same way it started. On a deep sigh and sip of now cold coffee. “What about you?”
“What about me?” Angel enquired, wondering if he should tell her about his soul now or later and drop the hint that he would like to see if they could make it work between them. “I don't have a type that attracts me in the way of blondes, brunettes or red heads. I like spirit, strength of character. A unique personality draws me in more than outer beauty. You could have the most beautiful woman in the world but she could have as much fire in her heart as a sponge”
He'd tell her now, while they were alone. Well, as alone as they could be with a ghost roommate.
The seer saw the seriousness once again darken his gaze and her curiosity began to heighten as did her impatience. “Look Angel” Cordelia expelled a large breath, “If there's something you want to tell…”
“My soul” that got her attention “It's permanent”
“Oh” whatever she was expecting him to say, it wasn't that. Sitting further back in her chair, Cordelia blinked and stayed silent as his news sank into her brain, her fingers tapped against the coloured ceramic mug while her lips pursed and un-pursed. “That's what all this talk about romance is about isn't it?”
Her question had Angel a little confused and he expressed as much with a simple glance.
“You want to go back to Sunnydale, back to her” Cordelia all but snapped, not caring how jealous she must have sounded to him. Hearing his soul was permanent was a big deal and if him going back was what he was building up to, well he could forget it. “Well, you can't leave to go back. You can't leave me to deal with the visions on my own and I won't go back so you'll just have to deal”
No, Angel couldn't leave her. Not now, not after everything they'd been through together. Cordelia made up her mind there and then that if he tried to leave, she would keep him chained up to his bed and only let him up for fighting the visions. She could feed him blood through a straw, they could listen to music and watch TV together and Wesley could be the new secretary.
She would rather walk through hell rather than let him leave her.
Angel saw and heard the determination Cordelia had to keep him with her in L.A and in that moment, he knew he was making the right choice to both tell her and stay. This was where he was needed and clearly this was where he was wanted, truth be told this was where he felt he wanted to be too.
The dark haired vampire patiently waited for a few moments to let the overwhelming feeling to subside before speaking to his seer about his plans to stay with her. “Cordelia” Angel cut her off when she opened that mouth, “I'm not going back there. I want to stay here”
Humanity had never felt as hot as her hand right then, Angel sucked in a deep breath and smoothed his palm over the delicate feminine hand until his fingers grazed hers. “I want to stay in L.A. with you”
Hazel eyes slowly looked down when she felt the cool pressure of his hand cover hers, the roughened skin on his thumb moved in soft, slow circles over the back of her hand uncertainly. Cordelia snapped her eyes back up to see Angel lower his gaze away from hers, not wanting to see the rejection on her face.
“Angel?” she glanced down at the sight of his pale skin contrasting against her bronzed complexion. “I don't…” Cordelia frowned, he couldn't be meaning what she thought he meant, he was too nice to toy with her like that.
“Yes, you do understand” Angel countered her unfinished sentence, “Do I… Is there a chance for us? For me to be with you”
Under his touch, her hand curled into a relaxed fist and her face entirely lost the sparkle of earlier, leaving him with no doubt she was going to reject him. “Angel” Cordelia began calmly, taking her time to speak slowly and clearly. “If this is just a dramatic way to get sex…”
“No Cordelia!” the dark haired vampire's grip tightened around her hand “This is not some lame ass chat-up line o-or me looking for a quick fix from you. Don't confuse me with Wilson Christopher or one of those little boys at the clubs you go to” he was hurt that she would even think that but he could understand why the thought was there.
Not for the first time in his existence, Angel damned Xander Harris for being the first one to use her and he damned Wilson Christopher for being the second to use her. What Wilson did to her far outweighed what Xander did by a long shot, not only did he impregnate her with demonic babies but he also gave her the connotation that sex and love equaled pain and a broken heart.
“I just want a chance, Cordy” Angel stated simply, “Just a chance to see if we could have something”
“You're too nice a person to be playing with me and we're both too old to be playing games” Cordelia slipped her hand out from his with a little resistance. “I was… Let me finish” she told him when he opened his mouth to defend himself again. “Xander once told me that the only way I'd ever stand a chance with you was if Buffy died. Once upon a time he would have been right. Why the sudden change in personal taste? Why do you want a chance with me?”
“Because I think we could have something good” Angel answered honestly, “You're my best friend, I care about you so much and I know we could be good together” destiny and fate didn't come into the equation. “Because I need you in my life just like you need me. You weren't going to let me go back to Sunnydale Cordy, you couldn't let me go anymore than I could you”
Before Cordelia had the time to be taken aback by his half growled statement, the breeze around the vampire and herself rustled and the front door to her apartment opened. The arrival of Wesley effectively cut off the rest of their conversation.
“I didn't think it was so late” the seer quietly muttered as she fanned her flushed face with the hand Angel had been caressing. “I better go get some clothes on, can you make some more coffee please?” there was a hint of a shy smile decorating her lips as she directed the request towards Angel.
“Just tell me if there's a chance”
The only answer he got was a bigger shy smile before Cordelia waltzed past Wesley and into her bedroom. Leaving Angel wondering if she was just playing hard to get or if she wanted some time to think it over.***
It was almost six that evening when she got the vision that sent Wesley and Angel to the park in order to save some teenagers from vampires. The battle was short, vampires dusted, teenagers saved and their alcohol confiscated.
Careful of the sharp deadly points, Wesley placed his axe into the shoulder bag and took a deep breath in preparation to ask the vampire a very important question. All day he'd witnessed the glances exchanged between Angel and Cordelia, the prolonged hand touches and the shy lip biting performed by the brunette seer.
“Angel, what is going on between Cordelia and yourself?” Wesley decided to take a page out of her book and go with tact. Nudging his glasses up on the bridge of his nose, the ex Watcher side-stepped a disgusting looking puddle on the path as he listened to the vampire clear his throat.
“Maybe nothing” Angel was reluctant to give any premature information away until he'd gotten a definite answer from the beautiful seer regarding his courtship. He grimaced, thinking of how she would react if he'd actually used the word courtship to her face. He doubted she'd even dignify the old-fashioned term with a reaction.
“That's not an answer” Wesley paused his slow walk and turned his companion to face him. “Need I remind you about a certain curse and what happens when that curse is lifted?” it was a very real concern in his world.
“No need to worry about it”
“I think there is”
Angel took an unnecessary deep breath, wondering what business it was of Wesley's if Cordelia and him were dating. “The curse isn't an issue Wes, so there's no need to worry about it” curling his tongue around blunt teeth, the vampire studied the younger man intently. “Something tells me it's not just the curse that you're worried about”
“Cordelia is young, Angel, and she may be mature beyond her years but she is still just a young woman with her whole life ahead of her” he believed he had very real concerns regarding the emotional welfare of the girl he considered one of his own family.
“She's still capable of making her own decisions and knowing what she wants” Angel refused to argue about this with the Englishman. He wouldn't hurt Cordelia and there was no way in hell was he going to leave her because of someone else's opinions.
“Angel…”
“Look, I appreciate your concerns Wes” the dark haired vampire cut him off, “But you don't have to worry”
Wesley wondered differently.***
The engine was killed after the car came to a stand-still outside the apartment building. Angel sat back in the drivers' seat, going over what Wesley had said earlier that evening and wondered if he'd been right. Was he being selfish in wanting to be with Cordelia? Was it wrong to want her to be with him?
The vampire shook his head; no it wasn't wrong to want a relationship or to want a chance to be happy now that he could be. What was wrong was Wilson Christopher taking Cordelia's first time and turning it into something ugly, something she wanted to forget about. It was something he couldn't forget about.
She should have had rose petals on her bed, chilled champagne, those scented candles filling her room with soft light and silk sheets. That was how her first time should have been, that was what Cordelia deserved to have.
Angel made a slow walk back to her apartment, a slight movement caught his eye and when he looked closely, he saw his seer peering out of her window holding a mug and wiggling her fingers at him. A smile flickered across his face as he looked back at her and returned her greeting then watched as she disappeared from view.
He found her door already open and walked in, offhandedly noticing the homely décor. “Cordy?” the door closed behind him with a quiet click, the soft human heart beat came from the direction of the kitchen and went there.
Angel saw Cordelia sitting at the kitchen table, her hands wrapped around a mug of coffee with two extra mugs opposite her. She was glancing up at him through dark eyelashes that hid the expressive hazel irises with a hint of a twinkling smile flirting on her lips. “The vision headache's gone so I take it everything went well?”
“Yeah” he sat down and eyed the two mugs dubiously, one was coffee and the other was pigs' blood. “What's this?” Angel tried to keep his gaze away from the mug that held blood; he was hungry after the fight but didn't want to drink in front of her.
“I figured you might be, you know, hungry after fighting and since I was already making coffee, there ya go” Cordelia shrugged, not wanting a big deal made out of her gesture as it would embarrass her. She'd never really put much thought into a guy before but he wasn't just any guy, it was Angel and he was good. He deserved to be taken care of and deserved to be accepted for who he was.
From the way he spoke about his past love, she'd gotten the distinct impression he'd never had acceptance before. It was a lot like her, Cordelia had realized with startling clarity, she'd never known real friendship or had acceptance. Her friends in high school had wanted to be around her because she was rich, popular and had a pretty face not to mention the fact her family had been powerful.
But that didn't matter to Angel so why should his demons bother her when hers didn't bother him? Besides, if he hadn't been a vampire he wouldn't be able to do as much good and fight her visions the way he did. To most people and to herself, vampires were the embodiment of all things evil but like everything, there were exceptions to the rule.
“You didn't have to” Angel told her, uncomfortable and overwhelmed with her show of acceptance, “Not that I'm not grateful” he quickly added in case she thought he didn't appreciate it. “But…” he didn't have a clue what to say.
“Angel, relax” Cordelia stated with a little smirk, “I've been thinking about what you said, about us being together”
She got his undivided attention, “And?”
“I'd like to with you” that was what Angel wanted, her trusting him with her heart and giving him a chance. Before he could say anything to her words, her expression became serious. “You so much as hurt me in anyway and I promise you'll need your balls surgically removed from your body”
“Trust me not to hurt you like Xander and Wilson” Angel knew that it was a big request, but it would only work between them if she did. Watching his fingers toy with the mug holding the blood, the vampire waited for her to respond and took the silence as her contemplating exactly what he was asking of her.
“I think I can do that” Cordelia paused to take a sip of her coffee and yawned, “I was gonna watch a movie in bed if you want to join me”
“I'll drink” Angel nodded towards the mug he was holding, “Then I'll join you”
“Okay, see you in a little while”***
It was half an hour later when Angel joined his seer in her room by which time she had succumbed to sleep with the movie still playing on the TV. He placed his jacket over the back of the vanity dresser chair and couldn't help but notice how nice it was to have something of his in her room.
He eased himself onto the edge of her bed, watching her sleep and listening to the soothing sound of her even breathing. Her cheek was resting on the back of her hand, the soft skin of her eyelids fluttered with rapid eye movement and her lips were parted. If he was laying next to her, the warm flutter of air would brush across his skin teasingly and her mouth would graze his in a testing kiss.
Stripping his sweatshirt over his head, Angel folded the soft material into a neat shape and placed it on her floor. His boots came next, the laces were undone and he quietly placed his shoes next to his sweatshirt. Though he removed his belt, the vampire left his pants on and turned to lay down next to Cordelia and continued to watch her sleep.
His seer appeared so peaceful and relaxed, so different to what she could be dreaming about. Often, the relaxing demeanor of sleep hid a storm of emotion that was released through dreams that left people troubled over the meaning.
Curling his larger body into a fetal position, Angel watched as Cordelia instinctively turned into him and her small hand moved up to touch his chest. A soft murmur escaped her lips and a frown marred her peaceful expression making him question what he'd done to disturb her sleep. His silent question was answered when he felt her hand move his arm up and slide round to grip his back.
He allowed her to pull him closer to her until she nestled herself completely against his body. Rounded breasts were pushed up to his chest where her hand had been, a strong slender leg was curved over his thigh and chestnut hair tickled his neck. Despite the sensual position Cordelia had initiated, Angel didn't respond in a physically sexual way. His response was so much more than that.
“Night” the vampire whispered, allowing himself the honor of gracing her soft mouth with a little kiss.