Go TeamC/A
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Title: Unexpected Surprises
Author: ficbitch82 (aka angelicgal82 aka Christie)
Posted:
Rating: PG-13
Category: Humour
Content: A/C, F/G
Summary: Cordelia's parents pay a visit... And uhm... Find out... THINGS
Spoilers: Up to and including Couplet, only Cordelia didn't do that naughty thing at the end of Couplet...
Disclaimer: The characters in the Angelverse were created by Joss Whedon & David Greenwalt. No infringement is intended, no profit is made.
Distribution: Please ask first
Notes: After finishing "Don't Let The Bed Bugs Bite" I need happies..
Thanks/Dedication:To all the people who've given me feedback throughout this story - thanks *ever* so much! LOL... Thanks!!!
Feedback:Love it, need it, crave it... "It's like a Sickness..."
Part 1"Why do I have to go?" Asked Cordelia, frowning. Things with Angel had been... Well, tense to say the least. After the little ballet thing (little? Who the hell was she kidding? She'd almost been on top of him... She'd almost given him a happy! Well, he'd been closer to - details weren't the point.) The point was that Fred and Gunn had gone out for the night, presumably to somewhere happy where they could sit and smooch all over each other. Blergh. Happy couples. Not that Cordelia wasn't happy per se... It was just she was... Well, cynical, bitchy and just that teeny little bit jealous.
Of course, this was entirely her own fault. She'd been able to go off on the holiday of a lifetime and instead, she'd returned, handed the money back to Angel and said that Catalina just wasn't her style. Besides... Pfft! Been there, done that, got the T-shirt. Well, the bikini at least. And Catalina was boring in the summer - it wasn't like anyone would KNOW she was lying. Like Wes was a frequent visitor to the place... Yeah, she could just see him in his two piece and... Ewwww! Scary visual place.
Shaking out of her reverie, Cordelia looked at Wesley, "Why can't YOU go? I mean, I can stay here and be book guy... I can look up words and stuff. Give me words!"
"Cordelia..."
"Wesley, I don't WANT to... You go! As Senior Associate, I get a say in this, right?"
"Normally, yes, but I'm afraid that..."
"The demon won't hurt you, Wesley. You said yourself Angel killed it..."
"I'm afraid I'm rather close with deciphering this prophecy and would rather spend my time on this rather than wasting it on something YOU could be helping Angel with. Cordelia, I realise things have been rather tense between the two of you and..."
"RATHER TENSE?" Asked Cordelia, "Wesley, we almost got groiny with one another! I can't even train in case..."
"In case feelings overload..."
"No, in case he stiffens up again!"
Wesley blushed accordingly, "Cordelia, you and Angel must work side by side, I feel it best if you go now to assist Angel in the disposal of this demon."
"But..."
"No buts, Cordelia." Said Wesley, shaking his head. "I imagine relationships between you and Angel are rather strained..."
"Y'got that right..."
"But nonetheless," He continued regardless of the intrusion, "I feel it best if you and Angel deal with this in a mature and grown up manner. Now go."
"But..."
"Cordelia." His voice would brook no argument. Deep down, she knew he was right but like she'd admit that! "Fine! Fine!"***
"Ugh, demons! Could there be anything less disgusting?" Asked Cordelia, pulling what could only be described as parts along the sewer floor. "Oh, wait. There couldn't be." She stated, her voice dripping with sarcasm.
"You are half demon." Angel reminded her, dragging his own parts across the sewer floor.
"What's that supposed to mean?" Huffed the brunette, suddenly dropping the demon piece she was carrying, "Are you saying I'm disgusting?"
"No, I..."
"I am NOT disgusting! And for the record, Mister, I only smell like this because I'm in this place with you!"
"Hey..." Said Angel, "I sad you could go home!"
"Are you saying I'm useless now?" She asked, annoyed.
"What? No! You're twisting my words!" Said Angel, jumping to his defense. Shifting demon parts was shifting demon parts but arguing with Cordelia was *really* bad.
"Oh," And so it began. "First, I'm disgusting..."
"I never..."
"Then, I'm useless."
"Cordy..."
"Now I'm a Word Twister?" She asked, her voice dangerously low. Threatening. Very 'Cordelia-When-She-Was-Pissed' like.
"Cordelia, I..."
"Well, fine! You can just go ahead and shift these... These... Demon guts alone!"
Assessing the situation, Angel watched her retreating form. Watched the stomp that had been there with Gunn when he'd suggested her appetite had been large. Watched as her hands rested on those perfect hips. Heard the 'hmph' as she reached the end of the sewer tunnel. And it was then that Angel realised something was very wrong. Cordelia was gone. Leaving him behind to shift a huge demon, leaving him behind to wonder what the hell had happened in those last two minutes when things had just escalated from absolutely nothing. Angel sighed. First, the demon. And then, Cordelia.***
He'd once been accused of less than stealthy entrances. If making an impression such as this was anything to go by then the way the client looked at him was evidence enough for the fact that Angel wasn't likely to get the case. He glowered. He glared. In fact, the man was quite formiddable in stature enough to intimidate, even slightly a two hundred and fifty year old vampire. But, of course, just slightly. Being careful not to poke himself with his sword (that was not so deftly tucked into his jacket), Angel gave what could almost be considered a brooding nod. He wanted to find Cordelia, not play 'Stare Me Out' with the glowery guy in front of him.
"Angel, I presume." Barked the man.
"Depends who wants to know." Angel was NOT in the mood.
His eyes darkened and he took in Angel's posture, deeming him automatically unsuitable. For what, the job? Or something else? "If you're always like this with potential clients, I'm surprised you get work at all." He growled.
Angel frowned, "Well, if I want tips from you on how to run my business I'll be sure to give you a call, Mr..."
"Chase." Said the man, simply. "Aaron Chase. I believe my daughter works for you."
It was then, that Angel saw the woman sitting next to him, a striking older version of his best friend. It was then, he saw Cordelia, standing at the door, her mouth agape, just staring at Angel - the look in her eyes unmistakable.
You are *So* dead.
Angel gulped.
Part 2
He'd faced demons, monsters and hell hounds by the score. He'd lived through the equivalent of three hundred years in Hell. He'd been atoning for his sins for almost two hundred and fifty years. But nothing struck fear into his heart (and the Death March into his head) like this...
This, was the kind of beast that fed on fear, trepidation... More dangerous that ANY demon or monster that could be found? He was the potential Father-In-Law. Okay, so perhaps Angel was jumping the gun here. He wasn't even sure Cordelia honestly LIKED him that way but... It could happen. He guessed. And plus, the last time he'd felt like this was going to see a girl's parents he was courting back in the day. Of course, he'd killed them when they'd refused permission for him to marry their daughter and then turned her into his childe but... Drusilla had forgiven him. And it wasn't like he could do that here, right?
(Oh but how he wished.)
From the moment he'd walked in the door, he'd felt the hostility come from Cordelia's father in waves. Huge waves. Tsunami's. It wasn't pleasant.
"Dad, why are you wearing a pink shirt?" In an attempt to alleviate the antartic conditions within the hotel right now, Cordelia tried to sway the conversation onto territory that was less... Dangerous?
And more like a minefield. She could see her father's face turning different colours as he spoke. "Well, you'd think after three years she'd know how to work a washing machine." He bit.
"Did I *ask* you to dirty the shirt? Nooo... Did I ask you to..."
"Uhm, Mom, Dad - have you met Fred? Fred's a physicist." Said Cordelia, hurrying to change the subject, her parents were ALWAYS like this. "She's really smart. Wesley too! And Gunn's the muscle of the group! Angel's..."
"Obviously not the brain." Said Aaron, scathingly.
"Well, no. Fred and Wesley ar - DADDY!" Yelled Cordelia, frowning.
Cordelia's life was never simple. For while her father was insulting her friends. Her mother was standing painfully close to Angel and smiling. Brightly. That 1,000 watt Cordelia Chase smile of CORDELIA's that had aged about 40 years on her own mothers face. "M-O-M." Said Cordelia through gritted teeth. Her mother sprung away from Angel like she'd been caught doing something naughty and smiled brightly, "Yes, baby?"
"Why are you guys here?"
"We just thought we'd come stay with you for a while... We'd have dropped by your apartment but... Well, we wanted to see this nice big hotel of yours and meet this Angel you talk about so much." Cordelia's mother preened, holding out her hand to Angel, "I'm Alara, Cordelia's mother. If you need anything, anything at all feel free to..."
"MOM!"
"Oh, Cordelia, you should lighten up, honey."
"Have you had Band Candy again?" Asked Cordelia, "Cause I'm thinking, if you have? I want to move my wardrobe right out of *town* this time."
"Angel, can I talk to you in the lobby please?" After the initial pause, Cordelia realised that she didn't *want* a favour from Angel, she *needed* a favour from Angel. "Now?"
Standing under the beady, burning gaze of Mr. Chase, Angel went through into the lobby with Cordelia, both of them talking at once...
"Why couldn't you tell me about your parents being here?"
"Could you have shown a little *more* sanity if you'd tried?"
"I didn't know they'd be here..."
"Okay," Said Cordelia, "We need to both stop talking. Then, *I* need to ask you something."
Wisely, Angel stopped talking. "Ask away." He knew what she was going to ask but Angel, being Angel, wanted her to beg. Well maybe not beg, grovelling would be fun too.
"Angel, we have to let them stay here." Said Cordelia, desperately, "I can't take them home, I mean... Dennis! And you've got like a billion rooms in here that AREN'T being used. Please? I'll do anything!"
"But Cordelia..."
"Angel, please! I'm desperate or else I wouldn't have asked you!"
"I'm not so sure it's a good idea, I mean I've already..."
"Annngeeellll!" She whined, looking for all the world like a petulant teenager.
Angel smiled, "Okay, but you owe me BIG time, Cordy."
Sighing, she went back through into the office - where Fred was now standing with Connor in her arms. As soon as Cordelia went in, the little boy raised his arms. "Mama!"
"WHO?!"
"Uh-oh..." Said Angel, shooting a nervous glance at Cordelia.
"You'd better explain yourself, young lady!" Said her father, his glare chilling the recesses of Angel's unbeating heart. Oh yeah, definitely scary alright... Definitely father-in-law material...
This? Spelled bad in more ways than one...
Part 3
Cordelia gulped. Okay, now this? Was definitely bad. She could even have coped with the tenseness between herself and Angel more than she could cope with this. "Uhm..."
"MAMA!" Said Connor, insistently. Cordelia could almost swear the child was giving her father the evil eye for denying him his... Uh... Aunty Cordy. Damnit, why hadn't they corrected him when he'd started calling her Mama, or Mommy or Mamoo on one of his particularly gurglesome days. The child babbled and grinned an almost toothless grin, drool slipping down his chin.
"Ewww!" At first, Angel was shocked - Cordelia had never 'eww'ed at Connor's baby babble before! But it turned out the 'ewww' had come from Cordelia's mother.
Huffing, Cordelia took Connor into her arms and glared at her mother, "Mom, it's only drool."
"ONLY drool? This is a three hundred dollar suit!"
"It washes out!" Said Cordelia.
"Not something I'm exactly willing to find out. Besides..."
"She can't use the washer anyway." Hissed Cordelia's father, "Now, is anyone willing to tell me what's going on?"
"Well, it started with Kyerumption..." Started Fred, smiling. "See..."
"Fred? Now's not the time to start in on the land of Pylea and its theories." Said Cordelia, glancing at her friend apologetically.
"Pylea? Have we been there?" Alara glanced at her husband, "Maybe we can get a cheap cruise or something. Maybe Angel would like to come along." Her gaze swivelled back to Angel and she smiled, winningly.
Well, obviously not winningly enough anyway. "Mom stop HITTING on my friends!" Hissed Cordelia.
"Oh, but honey, you never used to bring home any of your boy friends, especially not this one."
"And you wonder why?" Asked the brunette, raising her eyebrows. "Daddy used to intimidate them to the point of brown stains in their underwear, providing he got to them first, if not you were all over them like a bad rash anyway."
"Pfft..." Alara exhaled, "Nothing wrong with being friendly!"
Angel squirmed uncomfortably and looked at Cordelia. Who'd have thought, her Mom a man-eater? Of course, rumours when Cordelia was in High School would have been quashed immediately. She *was* after all, Cordelia Chase, Queen of Mean...
Not for the first time in her life however, the 'Queen of Mean' felt alienated. Not from her friends - but this time, from her family. Was her Mom really that dumb? Oh God, she wasn't, right? Was it possible that Cordelia had 'caught it' from her Mom???
Seeing the panic flit through her eyes, Angel was by her side, his hand rested protectively on her back, "Vision?"
"You could say that..." Said Cordelia, glancing at her parents then back up at Angel.
"WHAT THE HELL'S GOING ON AROUND HERE?" The voice of Aaron Bailey Chase boomed throughout the hotel, making Fred jump back, startled. "First off, where's Pylea? I want to actually know where I'm taking your mother first and I've never heard of this place."
"Oh, you wouldn't want to take a trip to Pylea, Hellish dimensions aren't very nice this time of year. Or... Well, any time of year for that matter. They call you a cow... And sell you into slavery..." Said Fred, "I hear Catalina's nice this time of year."
A worried look passed across Alara's face and she stepped back, warily, "Is she crazy?" She studied Fred, carefully, "The outfit would suggest that she's..."
"MOM!" Cordelia's eyes were blazing now. She'd had enough of the questions, of the constant berating of her friends, "I picked that outfit for Fred!" She said. It was a fact. She and Fred had done the girly thing, gone shopping, bought food, laughed over Wesley and Gunn's antics to get the ex-Pylean prisoners attention, fought a demon when it had risen in Neiman Marcus (AND destroyed a pair of shoes that once upon a time, Cordelia would have KILLED for) killed thanks of course, to her new and improved demon fightin' skills and then gone home with aching feet, pouring over their purchases. The girly thing.
Alara gasped, "YOU picked that outfit? But it's so plain... Well, actually, it would explain yours, I wasn't going to say anything but I thought you'd know better than that, Cordelia."
Cordelia bristled like she'd been slapped. Her Mom wasn't mean, or didn't actually *try* to be. It was just her nature. The completely un-tactful nature that Cordelia thought she'd become immune to. Angel watched Cordelia, then glanced back to her mother. If anything, this might explain the way Cordelia was in High School, the tactless 'not-afraid-to-say-anything' young lady he'd grown accustomed to back in his Sunnydale days. However, Angel didn't like the look on Cordelia's face, she seemed almost hurt by what her mother had said. He watched as she blinked a couple of times, breathed in deeply and then looked at her father, "Meet your Grandson." Tactful, to the point and... Woah, what?
She found a great deal of pleasure in the look on her parent's face. But mostly? The look on Angel's face was priceless. She shot him a gaze, the words dancing in her head, but not from her lips 'Not totally clueless after all, huh Grrr guy?'
"M-my Grandson?" Cordelia's fathers gaze softened slightly from the 'oh-my-God' shocked look, but he still found it in him to glare at Angel, "You impregnate my daughter then insult me? Not a way to go about getting approval for marriage, son..."
Marriage? Okay, but... SON??? I'm at least five times his age! Thought Angel, shaking his head. "I didn't impregnate your daughter."
"Don't lie to me." Hissed Aaron, "There's no denying that that child is yours. He has *your* overhanging forehead and *my* daughter's eyes... He's yours alright."
As Cordelia bent down to grin and look at Connor's eyes, Angel growled, "His name is Connor and... Hey!" A hand came up to his head and Angel felt a frown sliding across his features, "Do people have a fixation with me and an overhanging forehead?" He asked.
Thinking it time to butt in before Angel's own fixation with his overhanging forehead appeared, Cordelia looked at her Mom and Dad, "Listen, there's been some... Changes... In my life. Very big changes."
"Your having a child being one of them." Said Aaron, glaring at Angel, making him shrink back a little.
"Well, there's that." Said Cordelia, taking a deep breath and looking at Angel, unsure what to tell her parents.
"Mama!" Connor had had enough of being ignored. What he saw was his Dad, his Uncles Wesley and Gunn and his Aunty Fred standing, tense looks on their faces and his Mommy - obviously upset about something. He might have been Angel's son, but he wasn't stupid. He started to cry, sob... SCREAM! When Angel went to take him however, Connor was having none of it. He wanted his Mommy and he wanted her out of the bad place. See, the pysche of Angel's son wasn't that complicated.
Mom happy + Dad happy = Nice!
But then, Angel's wasn't that complicated either, 'Cordelia + Naked = Uhm... Bad thoughts' and then 'things' he couldn't exactly hide.
"What's wrong with him?" Said Angel, glancing worriedly at Cordelia. His panicking days were well and truly over (sort of) where his son was concerned, but he seemed perfectly content sitting here in Cordelia's arms - well, as long as Cordelia wasn't in here right now anyway.
"He can sense that everyone's tense." Said Fred, gently. "He's just reacting to what he feels in the room right now. You're looking daggers at his Daddy, his Mommy's looking daggers at her parents - it's a whole dagger thing."
"I'll take him upstairs..." Said Cordelia, battling against the flailing fists of her son as Angel tried (albeit unsuccessfully) to wrench him from her grasp.
As Cordelia crossed the lobby, a thud was heard. As Cordelia crossed the lobby, Angel realised she had stopped and was now floating in mid-air. As Angel turned back, Cordelia's father was glaring imperceptibly at Angel, "SHE FLOATS TOO?"
Fred turned to Wesley and Gunn, "Should I say it or do you guys want to?" She asked.
"Uh-oh..." Said the three friends, simultaneously, glancing at Alara, in her three hundred dollar suit, on the floor, out cold. "Should I get some smelling salts?" Asked Fred.
Angel sighed and went towards Cordelia, "What did you see?"
"What did she see?" Yelled Aaron, "What about me? My daughter's floating!"
"Uhm, yes." Said Wesley.
"Trick of the light?" Offered Gunn.
"Something damned weird is going on around here and I wanna know what..." Growled Cordelia's father.
He growled. GROWLED! A human man growling at a vampire. Angel gulped and looked at Cordelia, "Any chance of us running?"
Looking up at the minion approaching the door, Cordelia shook her head, "Not likely..."
Angel frowned, it was just one thing after another in here...