Go TeamC/A
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Title: Where There is Love...
Author: cydnestorm
Posted: 11-07-2004
Rating: NC17
Category: Angst, AU
Content: C/A
Summary:
Spoilers:
Disclaimer: The characters in the Angelverse were created by Joss Whedon & David Greenwalt. No infringement is intended, no profit is made.
Distribution:
Notes: For the most part AU but keeping the main points - the Darla arc, Angel’s return to the team, Connor’s birth; but no got new clothes happy dance and no one enjoyed a smorgasbord of sandwiches either.
OK here’s the scoop. Both Dusted and I are feeling blue and can’t concentrate on ‘Was It Good For You’. Very sorry for being a party pooper. But my despair of blue spit this out. I’m using a prologue to lay the backdrop for what’s happened so far and part 1 can jump right into Angel returning to the hotel and finding Cordelia asleep in his room with Conner (teaser I know and ewe I’m talking baby Conner) But I really wanted to jump over the details of Darla, the firing, Angel’s epiphany, Pylea, Darla’s return, the birth, the birthday episode, you get my drift and just jump into the meat of the story which is A & C finding a way to deal with everything and moving on. So the details of the past will be explored in various thoughts & recollections of past events and how they effect the present and the future for A & C. As blue as I am I can already see a happy ending but I want them to work for it. I want their journey to that happy dance to have been worth what it took to get there. Now with that being said, don’t even know if this is something worth finishing. Thought I’d post the prologue and let what happens happen.
Thanks/Dedication:
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Prologue
So clear the night sky, stars unhindered by even the smallest feather of a cloud radiated from the sky casting the emerging stretch of scenery in a timeless dance of twilight. But as all things beautiful did, it gave the man reason to reflect on his life, even when that life asked to be forgotten; even begged for it.
Having put about an hour’s distance between him and Sunnydale, Angel settled himself to the inescapable task of reflection. Sunnydale and Buffy, so much a part of the past, a past that was no longer moving in his journey to the future. Having been confronted with an evil that left her questioning her ability to protect her world and those in it, the slayer had asked for his help. Even with those she had trusted for years at her side and the added strength of Spike, who had now found his place in the world fighting on the side of good, she had asked for his help. Being the heroic champion that he is, Angel immediately fled to her aid. He smiled as the amusing words whispered through his head and settled to rest with the collection of lies that was gathering centuries of dust.
Here, alone in his return home, he could be honest even with himself. Here, he could say the words aloud without risking the consequences. The guilt-ridden vampire had leaped at the opportunity to escape the consequences of his actions if only for a short measure of time. His truest objective in rushing to his past love’s aid was to escape the veiled glances of mistrust, betrayal and fear that shadowed his near nothing existence.
The enemy that had threatened the place that had become a bittersweet memory of his recent past defeated, the champion made the return to his current home; the place he once gave hope to leading to his future. But not before the girl of that bittersweet memory demanded answers, demanded the truth. What was the truth? Angel honestly reflected on that question before trying to answer her justifiable request. Having filtered through his collection lies that often left him searching for the truth, Angel took a deep breath and began the story. The story of a vampire both graced and cursed with a soul that had purposely destroyed the light that would guide him to his future. At the time, his foolish quest had been fueled by an intense fear of failure, a fear of falling into that shining light and burning to nothing. Was it possible to be less of nothing than he was after his quest was so painstakingly accomplished?
He had survived the loss of Doyle, his first real friend as either human or demon, and found that fate had not graced him with just the one but two others that selflessly shared the burden of his redemption. Together they had survived the destruction of their headquarters and his home. Together they had saved one of their own from the debilitating visions conjured by Voca. Together these two friends and a new one that was welcomed into the fold were ready to face the evil that Voca and the enemy law firm had raised. And therein lies the seed that was cultivated with the utmost care and devotion to reap his destruction. He had given aid to his enemy’s scheme by supplying the unholy water needed for their deadly harvest to thrive. And he had earned the gratitude of that enemy when she raised herself from the dead field in glorious evil splendor.
Having lost so much already, Angel felt no fear of losing anything else of value by telling the truth. And perhaps, he mused silently, it might actually feel good to tell someone knowing he had spoken the truth and damn the consequences. So with carefully selected words of honesty, Angel proceeded to tell Buffy of the past year in his near nothing life.
He told of Darla’s resurrection to human form and the horrid disease that threatened to claim that new life. He told of his failure to save her, not from a death that would offer some semblance of peace but from a death that condemned her a second time to a life of darkness and blood and evil. He told of his quest to destroy Darla and those that resurrected her, so full of undeniable purpose, he had forsaken and threatened those that offered him sanctuary from that very evil.
He admitted with shame his failure to destroy Darla and his cowardly acceptance to return to a world of darkness without consequences. He stuttered as he admitted that with a single conscious act he had embarked on a journey that would take him from the light that could save his empty soul. And with a voice quivering as it drowned in the blood tinged tears that flowed down his face, Angel admitted his ultimate betrayal. He had stood in front of the woman that had given him unconditional love, the woman that he loved in a way he would know only once in his lifetime and he had lied. He had lied because the truth would have lost her to him forever and that consequence was too much to bear.
But now that lie told out of desperation had been exposed. He had not staked Darla as he allowed his friends, as he allowed this woman to believe and three months ago that lie returned to his life ready to give birth to their son. Angel hung his head as he sobbed his last confession. Whatever small part of her the lie had enabled him to keep was now gone. Darla offered Angel the most unimaginable joy, his son and took from him the one thing he needed to make it complete.
Cordelia left shortly after Darla’s arrival and Angel’s forced confession. Not another word was spoken between them before she left or during the thirty-seven days she was gone. He had been without her for seven hundred and forty-four hours; without her for forty-four thousand, six hundred and forty minutes when Cordelia Chase returned with her head held high and eyes full of clarity that defined her determined will. With a regal grace that only she could summon under such circumstances, Cordelia quietly announced that she would stay for the sake of her friends and for the sake of the mission. Having simply nothing to offer him, Cordelia turned from Angel and walked away without another word spoken.
Using his sleeves, Angel wiped at the thick moisture that coated his face before facing the girl that had quietly listened to his confession of sins. Expecting her to respond in anger, he flinched when her warm hand gently pressed against his cold, damp cheek. Angel closed his eyes as he whispered his heartfelt gratitude for her compassion. “Thank you for not hating me.”
Taking a deep, cleansing breath, Buffy prepared herself to offer Angel the one thing she had never given him when they were together. She would give him her friendship and trust him to protect it from harm. It had been another vampire that had taught her love comes in many forms and should be trusted as one would trust a mother’s tender touch. Her words were soft and held a trace of sadness as Buffy prepared to send her first love home where he belonged. “Angel, unless you left it out because it was too painful to say, Cordelia never told you she didn’t love you. The Cordelia Chase I remember, the Cordelia Chase that you know doesn’t lie. And no matter how much she’s changed, Cordelia Chase does not avoid telling the truth because it hurts. I won’t even try to suggest what you should do but I’m going to remind you of one belief you need to hold onto." Buffy paused giving Angel time to take in a few shuddering breaths, believing at this moment he actually needed them.
"Where there is love, there is hope.”
Part 1Angel was torn between relief and dread as he reached the Los Angeles exit. His heart eager to embrace his son, his gut retched with anxiety over the suffocating pleasantries waiting for him. Was this not the epitome of his existence? Decades turned to centuries and still the struggle continued between man, demon and soul. The soul blamed the demon for their recent fall into the darkness while the demon railed in the soul’s plight of indecision. Both chastised the man, the thin thread of humanity that had managed to survive yet wallowed in self-pity. After two and a half centuries, the boy still trembled under his father’s accusing glare of failed expectations. Angel’s most important trial and perhaps most defining failure, courage shadowed in self-doubt, unable to stand at the forefront and lead the undeniable fusion of demon and soul.
Angel fought against the urge to close his eyes and allow himself to drift in a sea of failures and regrets. He had drifted too long, accepting whatever fate the surging current swept him to. Overwhelmed by their unwavering commitment, he had walked away from his family. Plagued by his inability to survive without them, he had begged for their forgiveness. Perhaps in truth his epiphany was admitting he needed them far more than they would ever need him. His son would need him and Angel knew without Cordelia it would be yet another good intention destined to fail, as destined as the prophesy that foretold of the child’s birth.
Pulling up in front of the hotel, Angel concentrated on Buffy’s parting words and willed himself to step away from the painful memories. For a brief moment, her words offered in a promise of friendship had soothed his lonely heart. Ignoring his mind’s warning, thoughts once again mingled with memories and drifted to Willow’s arrival. Their return from Pylea had been cruelly greeted by the news of Buffy’s untimely death.
Despite the wide gulf that still separated them, Cordelia had instinctively taken her place by his side. Releasing a heavy sigh, he remembered the feel of her warm hand gently smoothing its way up his arm. The care and concern in her eyes had melted his heart and then ripped it into shredded pieces. She came to him with an offer of provisional companionship because he had lost the love of his life. Having no way to make her believe she had the power to give him back the cherished love he had so foolishly lost, Angel closed his eyes to her token reprieve and walked away.
That walk lasted for three long months while Angel searched for a way to mend the damage he had caused to his family or at the very least find the conviction to free them of his burdensome existence. The Tibetan monks possessing no wisdom that could help him with either endeavor, Angel began his slow journey home hoping that time and forgiveness would offer him some semblance of absolution. His unexpected return had been met with an array of cordial greetings that failed to mask their apparent surprise. The reason, Wesley later explained, they simply had not expected his return; assuming he would abandon his quest for redemption after losing the love that gave him purpose. Despite the pitiful absurdity, Angel chuckled at the cruel joke life was enjoying at his expense.
The lobby, almost dark except for the faint glow of a single light on the far wall, seemed large and spacious. As he stood in the empty room surrounded by deafening silence, Angel grimaced at how similar it was to him. Large and foreboding but without character when no one was there to fill the dark, desolate space.
Halfway up the stairs he paused as the scent of her perfume flooded his senses. The aroma of her presence lingered in the stale air guiding him to the second floor. During the past year, Angel had spent as much time as Cordelia would tolerate in the common area of the lobby. His purpose, to saturate his senses with her tantalizing fragrance. His reason, Cordelia restricted her daily activities to the neutral boundaries of the first floor.
The only time he remembered her scent upstairs was after returning from his useless sabbatical. Night after night, he had retraced her perfect, unwavering trail from the lobby. A floating mist up the left side of the stairs, a brisk breeze down the left side of the hall and ending with a swoosh at Fred’s bedroom door. Each night the sweet trail grew more faint, his return having marked the end of any late night chats in the hotel.
Angel’s pace slowed, then quickened as he inhaled the heady aroma that filled the second floor. The fruity bouquet of her soap beckoned him to his forbidden, private space. He ran his hand over the smooth wood before sliding it down to grip the brass handle. Lifting the hand to his face, Angel opened his mouth and inhaled the delicate mixture over his tongue. The smell of peaches left behind as the soap slid across her skin, nail polish freshly applied and undeniably red, lotion true to its name of 'Passion Unleashed', but the most distinctive, the most alluring was the scent of her sweat; her body’s natural essence as it seeped from her skin leaving tiny droplets on anything she touched.
Rubbing his forehead against the door, Angel listened to his son’s soft, rhythmic heartbeat. Capturing his upper lip in a hard bite, he struggled to calm his anticipation as his senses became mesmerized by the music of her pulse tone. Easing the door open, he stole into the room with movement more silent than the shifting air. His chest became full from the swell of his heart as his gaze rested on the treasured gifts cuddled together in contented slumber.
The need to move closer caused his limbs to ache in resistance from the rising pitch of fear that his presence would crush this delicate morsel of fallen heaven. He watched as his son began to wiggle and squirm in the crowded space and froze in a hovering crouch when a tiny fist flew back, lightly tapping against the delicate curve of her cheek. Fearing she would wake ending the moment too soon, Angel scooped the baby into his arms hugging the small body, soft and warm, to his broad chest. His body shuddered as the mingled spices of mother and child washed over him, healing his soul like a powerful elixir.
Placing his son in his crib, Angel held an unneeded breath as tiny eyes fluttered in resistance before surrendering to the sandman’s call. Stroking the side of his face against the soft terry sleeper, he swallowed one more taste of their blended flavors.
Sensing the emptiness, her arms clutched against her chest, then relaxed as her body stretched out into the now unoccupied space. The silk, lilac pajama top fell open revealing the deeper shade of lilac that teasingly covered her perfect breasts. The fabric so sheer it gifted him a faint view of rosy pink nipples. His mouth watered with hunger and Angel smacked his lips together, resisting the urge to sate that hunger with ravenous licks of her delicious flesh. Needing to cover the temptation before all control was lost, he dropped to his knees snatching up the kicked off blanket.
“Hey.” Angel hesitantly whispered as long, thick lashes fluttered across beautiful, hazel eyes.
Angel? No, it’s just another dream. I need to think about something else or someone else. Someone who wants me in his life.
“Sorry we woke you. Connor was getting restless…I tried to get him before his squirming disturbed you…sorry.”
Her mind still fuzzy from sleep that ended too soon, Cordelia struggled to waken. With desperate determination, she broke through the sleepy barrier, confused that his face was still hovering over her bed. Good, this isn’t a dream. I need a cold dose of reality so these ridiculous dreams will stop. There was never anything real between Angel and me. It was only a fantasy. I needed a hero so I created one, but I don’t need a made-up hero anymore. “Angel…what are you doing here?”
“I live here.” Angel whispered in with a light chuckle.
Her eyes became like a stormy sea as tidal waves of emotions broke against the hard lines of her blank expression. Angel silently pleaded that the battering turbulence would settle into calm acceptance as he watched her struggle come to an end.
“Oh, right…I should go.” Anxious to move from under the hovering vampire, Cordelia sat up holding the blanket snug against her.
I can’t let her leave. I’m alone with her for the first time in months, so many months since I’ve been this close to her. “Stay, it’s late…well actually it’s early. The sun will be up in about an hour. Cordy, why didn’t you and Connor take the bed, it’s not like it was being used?”
Don’t think so big guy. You made it perfectly clear who is important to you. You wanted to make sure I understood what you are and that I couldn’t give you what you need. I may have been naive about you but I forgot who I was too. You’re a good teacher and I’m a fast learner. Lesson over Angel. I’m Cordelia Chase and you’re a vampire. “The couch was plenty big for me and I didn’t exactly plan on sharing it. That son of yours had a different opinion and after awhile I gave in and let him have his way. Don’t know who he gets his pigheadedness from. It may be one of those wonders of the world that we never figure out.”
“Is that right Miss Chase? I’ve missed that unique Cordy snark.” Angel’s hand reached to tuck the loose hair behind her ear but froze midair when Cordelia flinched at his intentions. Shaking against her distrustful glare, the trespassing hand fell limp at his side.
What’s the matter champ, Buffy not overjoyed with the idea of playing step mom to Darla’s offspring? Did you have to come back to LA and settle for us? Hell, we didn’t even score second behind Buffy. Darla held that position, still does. But she’s gone and I guess for the time being we’re all you’ve got. Well make no mistake Angel, Cordy is gone too. You through her out and she never came back, at least not to you.
“Cordy…I’m sorry.”
God, I’m so sick of hearing that. Like that’s suppose to make up for all the crap he’s put us through. “I should get my things and go.” Pushing the blanket away from her, Cordelia pushed it into Angel’s face as she sprung from the couch.
Hearing the click of the bathroom lock, Angel slowly pulled the blanket from his face. He slumped his dead weight onto the warm but lonely couch and stared at the door that shielded her from him. Why did I try to touch her? If I had just contented myself with being close to her she might still be sitting her with me. Hell even when we were on the best of terms Cordy always insisted I respect that damn personal bubble. Stupid, stupid, stupid; will I ever learn?
Angel ended his self-inflicted lecture at the sight of Cordelia lugging the large, overstuffed tote. “Here, let me carry that for you. You know you can stay; right?”
“No, no, I’ve got it. And I really need to go Angel. Looking forward to a few hours of uninterrupted sleep.” Cordelia rattled off in a nervous whisper as she moved around the room like a gust of wind, hastily checking for any missed items. After her unexpected firing, the reclusive vampire had quickly discarded her personal possessions left behind and Cordelia was determined to never again clutter his home with anything remotely personal.
Giving in to defeat, Angel moved out of her way and stood next to the crib. “So…why did you stay over? Not that I mind. You’re always welcome…stay are much as you want.”
“Angel, you’re babbling and you’re going to wake Connor. Fred’s been sick and Lorne’s been busy getting the club ready so he couldn’t be here at night. I suggested that Wesley and Gunn take turns staying over but as you can see that didn’t happen. You would have thought I asked them to slay the world’s stinkiest stinkbug demon, or worse. Gees two grown men afraid to be alone with a baby. I really know how to pick my heroes.”
I used to be your hero. I’ll be your hero now, if you’ll let me. “What’s wrong with Fred? Is she OK?”
“It’s just the flu but she was way too sick to take care of a baby and besides it wouldn’t be good to expose Connor to the flu. So here I am, but you’re back now and I can officially retire from my substitute nanny position.”
You’re so much more than that. Connor needs you, I need you. “Cordy, you’re not a substitute anything.”
“I just meant I was filling in for Fred and Lorne. Little ole me taking on both shifts while my two so-called heroes ran for cover. OK, that’s everything. I’ll see you tomorrow; well I’ll see you later today actually.”
“Cordy…” Ask her not to go. Tell her she belongs here with you and Connor. “…thank you for taking care of my son.”
Gracing Angel with an uneasy smile and a quick nod, Cordelia walked out of Angel’s bedroom closing the door softly behind her.
With a heavy sigh of disappointment, Angel stripped away his clothes before stretching out on the couch where Cordelia had slept just minutes before. Reaching for the blanket drenched in her sweet fragrance, Angel wrapped it around his naked flesh. He wanted to immerse himself in her lingering scent, soaking it up into his skin before time could take it away. Tonight as so many other nights, he would content himself with dreams. In his dreams, he could taste her. In his dreams, he could feel her heat surround him as he buried himself inside her welcoming hearth.
I wish I had kissed her before she woke up…
Part 2: The Next Morning
Cordelia had just completed her short trek up the stretch of sidewalk in front of the hotel and turned gracefully preparing for her return trek for the third time or maybe it was the fourth, perhaps it was even the fifth. She had lost count while trying to convince herself to go inside and act as if everything was normal. Well as normal as things can be when you’re a part demon seer for a vampire with a soul that happens to be the father of a human son. Add to that not so normal mix the fact that she and Angel had continued to grow farther apart as each passing month meticulously exposed another of the vampire’s secrets and you had to wonder why The Powers even bothered.
The Powers had graciously intervened at the final hour offering salvation from her vision induced death by mental explosion. When Cordelia had frowned at their suggestion of mingling her society blue-blood DNA with that of a demon, they had reluctantly disclosed their offer in its entirety. The Powers dangled in front of her the life she would have eventually found had she never encountered Angel that fateful night. She watched as her dreams of fame, fortune, love and adoration became reality, but that happy story was quickly followed by the saga of her friends’ pitiful destiny had she never encountered Angel that fateful night.
The Powers are a highly intelligent, manipulative people and they knew her far better than she had ever known herself. So, for the first time Cordelia Chase was privy to all the facts and had the opportunity to make an informed choice about her life. The Powers released her from the false vision sleep; Cordelia made her silent birthday wish and blew out the twenty candles with one hearty puff.
Inner reflection over, Cordelia looked around at the reality of her decision. She was a part demon seer and waiting for her inside were her friends, her vampire with a soul champion and his human son. She was certain she had made the right decision, besides second-guessing was a waste of time. The Powers made it clear; their proposition was a one-time offer and once her decision was made, there was no going back. So yes, she was certain about her choice and after one more slow trek up the sidewalk and back, she’d be ready to go inside and act like everything was normal.***
Gunn had been at the hotel since a little after nine, always careful to arrive after Wesley. Things had gradually gotten more comfortable for him, especially since Fred had joined their small evil fighting organization. But even with Fred’s presence in the hotel, Gunn didn’t like to be there without Wesley or Cordelia.
“Morning Gunn.” Cordelia greeted the young man as she lovingly rubbed her hand over his baldhead. “Is Wesley in his office? Has Fred not come down yet?”
“There’s our girl. Yea, English has already hit the books and Fred went back to her room after breakfast. I think the girl over did it with the eggs. No matter what that vamp might be capable of, that’s not of the good, he sure knows how to scramble up some eggs. I guess you finally got a chance to catch up on your beauty sleep?”
“For your information Gunn, I’ve been at Jack’s catching up on work; not at home catching up on sleep.” Her voice coated with more anger than intended, Cordelia cringed fearing it would lead to Gunn bringing up Angel’s unexpected return the night before. There were a lot of memories that Cordelia had pushed down deep hoping they would fade with time and Gunn’s comment about said vampire’s way with eggs had opened a floodgate. Her subconscious had immediately found the packed away memory of Angel making his famous scrambled eggs for her after a vision handling all-nighter.
“Sorry Barbie, don’t go off on one of your Malibu tizzies.”
Between spending so much time with Connor and waking up from her dream to find Angel really was practically on top of her, Cordelia decided she had dealt with about all she could handle in one week. She was helplessly watching the protective wall she had painstakingly built over the past year crumble and was in no mood to pretend she was in control of her world for Gunn’s sake. “Malibu tizzies! Let me tell you, Mr. I don’t know nothin’ ‘bout birthin’ no babies…” Cordelia’s rant on Gunn stopped short as her sight was drawn up the flight of marble steps. Well just great. Like I need more stress today.
Angel was halfway down the stairs when he heard Gunn and Cordelia squabbling but chose to ignore it since he and Connor were on a mission. He walked into the lobby moving straight to Cordelia turning Connor so he could look at her beautiful face. “Here she is. Look who’s here Connor.” Lifting his eyes to Cordelia and dropping the baby talk voice, Angel continued phase one of his plan to get Cordelia back into his room. “I think he was confused when he woke up and you weren’t here. He’s been waiting for you Cordy. Connor wants you to hold him.”
The baby’s darting vision settled on Cordelia, which earned her a big slobbery grin as his arms jerked out to her, his drool covered mouth releasing a squeal of excitement. She resisted the natural instinct to hug the baby close, certain the denial would break her heart any minute. Her dilemma, she was equally certain of her heart breaking should she allow Angel back into her life. Resolve intact, Queen C armor up and ready, Cordelia made her stand for preservation. “Oh no buster already told you…” Cordelia protested as she held her hands in front of her halting any further approach of father and son. “…I retired the minute you got back. Look, I’m sure you had a really good time this past week impressing your slayer damsel with your manly demon fighting skills, no doubt followed by hot and heavy graveyard make-out sessions but it’s over…so get over it. Welcome back to bottles, diapers and spit up.”
Ignoring the tight squeeze in her chest , she immediately turned away from father and son knowing that any hesitation would suck her back into Angel’s world; ready or not. “Now back to my life. Any coffee? Gunn, you should check on Fred, she might be sick again if she ate too many eggs.”
Gunn watched as Angel dropped his head and made his defeated retreat to the second floor. No matter how many demons they faced it was Cordelia that could reduce them to a quivering mush with her icy stare or acid tongue and sometimes when she was really mad, both. Not wanting to experience the queen’s venomous bite first hand, Gunn quietly marched up the stairs. After all, he had been issued orders by the agency’s real boss; it was irrelevant that the title had never been formally assigned.
“Cordelia, that was rather harsh.” Cordelia whirled around ready for her next defensive maneuver. Wesley was using his disciplinary tone and she was in no mood to be publicly reprimanded for unleashing her tirade on Angel.
“What harsh Wes, I’m tired; OK? I was the one taking care of Fred with the fever and the chills and the headache and the vomit! I was the one taking care of Connor practically day and night. If Angel doesn’t want the responsibility of taking care of his own child then he should have practiced safe sex. The man’s lived for two hundred and fifty years, you’d think he would’ve seen at least one prevent unwanted pregnancy ad.”
“Cordelia, please, the birth was foretold centuries ago.”
“Big whoop. Those fortunetellers should come up with something more original than two bodies getting groiny in the backseat. Hell Wes, if that’s all there is to it we’ll have to convert the hotel into a daycare center.”
The ironclad I am in charge face gave no sign of faltering and Cordelia sometimes regretted Wesley having found his backbone. It was easier to manipulate him when he was as much of a girl as her, but those days were long past. Wesley had indeed found his misplaced spine and Cordelia had to admit he wore it well.
“OK Wes, I’m sorry. Tirade over so you can go back to your stuffy research book.”
“And what makes you think I was researching?”
Cordelia cast Wesley a know you all too well smirk which melted his stern face into a warm smile. “Very well, I’ll be in my office…researching, should you need me."***
“Easy on the big blue big guy. You have to have faith; you have to believe everything is going to work out.”
“Have faith…believe? What exactly am I basing this faith on Lorne?”
“Love my silly little stud muffin.”
“You know, Buffy told me where’s there love there’s hope, but I gotta tell you, I don’t see it. Cordy considers my time in Sunnydale as nothing more than a sex romp and why should see believe any different. It’s not like my actions this past year indicate anything more than that. Hell Lorne, when I asked them to let me come back I told them that I pushed them away so they’d be safe from the darkness that going after Darla and Dru would take me to and then Darla shows up ready to pop. Yea I’m sure Cordelia is going to fall in love with me any minute now.”
“Stranger things have happened sweet buns. For all you know she already has but she’s scared and let’s face it, you aren’t exactly the saint of patience and she feels that.”
“Did you sense something? Did you read her?”
“No I didn’t read her and even if I did you know the rules, no sharing with the details. Angel, you’ve got to relax and then she’ll relax. Look at how she’s bonded with our little big guy after just one week. You should watch and learn from the master. All our princess needed was for Connor to need her more than she needed to avoid Connor. So just relax and let it happen my little doubting dough boy.”
Angel wanted to give the green anagogic demon a choice; stop calling him pastry names or learn to walk with his head on backwards. He wanted to but he wouldn’t. The grim reality was that Lorne and Fred seemed to be the only two at the moment that didn’t think he was a selfish bastard who couldn’t be trusted. But then again, Lorne and Fred were the only ones Angel had not abandoned, threatened and lied to. The fact that Wesley and Gunn had rallied by his side when Darla returned and later when Connor was born did not delude him into believing that they had recaptured the friendship once shared. He knew Cordelia had either asked them to stay behind when she left or at the very least given her consent to their decision to stay.
There was no doubt in Angel’s mind that had Cordelia insisted they leave with her, he and Connor would now be alone except for Lorne. The only reason he had Fred was because Cordelia had been sucked into Pylea. The girl was so grateful to be rescued she willingly offered her devotion to her vampire hero. As much as Angel readily accepted any admiration at this point, he had to admit that Fred was still a bit weird from her years of enslavement in Pylea and perhaps dispensed her hero worship a little too freely.
“Lorne are you telling me that you set her up to be stuck with taking care of Connor? Was Fred in on this; was Fred even sick?”
“Of course she was sick. That’s what gave me the idea and our sweet little Fredibuns was more than willing to indulge in a slow recuperation. Look if I had sensed that it was too much for the princess to handle, I wouldn’t have gone through with it. But look how it turned out. Your little love bunny and your little bundle of joy did just fine on their own and it’s obvious that the little guy has already bonded with his…”
“Don’t say it Lorne, don’t use the M word. Cordelia will rip off your horns and shove them in your heart. It may not kill you, but you won’t be able to sit down for a week.”***
“OK Barbie checked on Fred just like you asked, even brought her downstairs for your inspection.”
“Thank you Gunn. I can always count on you.” A wide boyish grin swept across Gunn’s face when Cordelia graced him with one of her brighter than sunshine smiles.
“Hey Cordy.”
“Fred, feeling better? You look like you feel better.”
“Oh yea, I’m feeling a lot better. I was thinking, I’d really like to get some fresh air; how about you and me taking Connor to the park. We could get some ice cream, ooh maybe even tacos.”
“Not you too! Gees Fred, what is this; a conspiracy to force me into servitude?”
“What do you mean? I’ve been cooped up for days and I just thought it would be fun to spend the afternoon in the park and...”
“Cordelia, really.” Wesley interrupted Fred’s somewhat panicked explanation.
“I’m sorry Fred, it’s just…look, I have a lot of work to catch up on and I promised Jack I’d join him for dinner tonight, he’s meeting with a new client that could be very important to his agency. There was a benefit last week that his firm sponsors and he asked me to go but I couldn’t because I was taking care of Connor, so I really can’t say no. Besides Jack pays me a good salary for my work at his office and let’s face it, no one’s working here because of the great pay and retirement plan.”
“Oh wow, a benefit. Is it fancy, will you wear an evening gown?”
“Some of the richest people in LA will be there and yes it’s very fancy. You should see my gown, it’s gorgeous. Wes go back to your office, go research on the fortune telling stuff and take Gunn with you. Fred and I are going to enjoy a few minutes of girl talk that doesn’t include anything evil, smelly or oozy; OK?”
“Are you sure?”
“Yes, I’m sure Wes… …Arrg…” Cordelia gasped as she slapped her hands over her eyes.
“Is it a vision? Cordelia…answer me.”
“Oh God no, please no…don’t…” * fabric ripped and fell in a lifeless heap * soft flesh scraped against ruff dirty pavement * wrists crushed in a bond of tight fingers * thighs forced open * her unwilling body now ready for his demented pleasures * “…oh God we have to stop him.”
Fred looked anxiously from Wesley to Gunn expecting one or both to stop the horrible thing happening to her friend.
Gunn feeling helpless to assist passed the burden to their resident brain. “English what is this? The visions haven’t been like this since…the change.”
Ignoring his partner’s questions, Wesley focused on getting Cordelia’s attention and pulling her out of the vision, if it was in fact a vision. “Cordy, what’s happening? Who do we need to stop?”
Hearing Cordelia’s hysterical cries, Angel quickly transferred Connor to Lorne and rushed down the stairs to the lobby. “Cordy! What’s wrong, what is it baby?” He attempted to wrap his arms around her but immediately jerked back when his touch seemed to frighten her even more.
Her eyes still clinched shut; Cordelia withdrew from the anticipated touch. * hands large and skilled wrapped around a slender neck * hard painful thrusts shattered the resisting innocence * “Don’t touch me…no…don’t… …oh God make it stop.”
“Wes what the hell is going on? I thought the visions weren’t supposed to hurt anymore!”
“They’re not.”
“Then what is it?”
“I don’t know Angel and stop yelling. Cordelia, it’s Wesley. Can you hear me?”
“Wesley? Oh god Wes…he… …she…Oh God! What if we’re too late?”
“Come on; let’s go to my office so you can lie down.” Angel watched as Wesley slipped his arms around Cordelia coaxing her limp and compliant body into his embrace. “When you’re ready to talk, you can tell me what you saw.”***
Angel had been pacing on the outside of the closed door for nearly half an hour and was just about ready to risk barging in when the door opened. To his disappointment, only Wesley appeared and immediately closed the door behind his exit. Surprised to be targeted by the intense glare of eight probing eyes, Wesley was a little hesitant to make his big announcement. “It was a vision.”
“And the pain Wes; what about the pain?”
“It wasn’t the vision causing the pain, well not directly. We already know that Cordelia’s partial demonization relieved her of the pain associated with the visions.”
“Yea, OK, then what’s going on Wes; spit it out.”
“The demonization also enables Cordelia to get inside the vision; it allows her to…to become the victim.”
“Become the victim? Why am I just finding this out now?”
“It’s fairly new Angel, it’s been a gradual process and I’ve been helping Cordelia learn how to control this new…skill.”
“New skill? It didn’t look like a skill to me. It looked like the visions used to be before she allowed herself to be demonized. Are you any closer to figuring out just what kind of demon The Powers put in her? Damn it Wes, you should have told me, I have a right to know.”
“No Angel, you don’t. Cordelia didn’t want anyone to know until she better understood it herself.”
“Wes we have plenty of examples that lies and secrets don’t end well.”
“You’re not the only one that didn’t know. I haven’t shared this with anyone.”
“I didn’t know.” “Me neither.” Gunn and Fred echoed their lack of knowledge concerning Cordelia’s secret demon skills.
“I was in the dark too big guy, didn’t even pick up anything from her aura.”
“Ok fine, none of us knew; let’s move on. What was happening in the vision that had Cordy so upset?”
“Ah yes, the vision. Cordelia received a vision of a young woman being…raped. The event was too traumatic for her to retain control and she slipped too far into the vision as it progressed and became trapped inside. She felt what the victim was feeling…she…in essence she became the victim. It was as if it was happening to her.”
“Christ sakes Wes, I have to see her.”
“Angel no!” Ignoring Wes Angel approached the closed door with determined strides only to find his final step blocked.
“Back off Angel. Cordy made it clear she doesn’t want to see anyone right now.”
Angel’s need to be with Cordelia was overwhelming making him resent the street punk’s intrusion in his home. “Get out of my way Gunn.”
Believing he had already seen Angel at his worse, Gunn felt no fear standing up to the angry vampire. “Maybe I’ll just stay right here and make you move me.”
“You took all the books.” “Yeah, well, you got the waffle iron.” “Hey! No! You can't take this; I-I-I'm in the middle of it. Here, take this one.” “Don't make me move you.” “Give him the book, Cordelia. Just give him the damn thing! Let him get the hell out.” “I don't even know what you are anymore.” “I'm a vampire. Look it up.” Forcing down the onslaught of painful memories, Angel took a deep breath hoping to calm the rage that pulsed far closer to the surface than was safe. Failing miserably, he tried to get past Gunn once more hoping that he would not harm the young man beyond a healable state. “Gunn, I’m asking…please let me pass. I’m going to see Cordelia and I don’t need your consent.”
“Until my girl says you can see her, you ain’t gonna see her. That simple enough for your vamped brain to understand?”
“Oh good Lord. Angel…Gunn!”
The meager distance that separated them was eliminated with a single stride. A slight rattle sounded as Gunn’s back pressed against the closed door. The two men stood nose to nose, neither willing to back down.
“Whoa big guy, let’s just calm down and give everybody a chance to take a deep breath. Fighting amongst ourselves is not what the princess needs right now.”
The feral growl resonating from the trembling vampire echoed throughout the hotel. Fred jumped at the terrifying sound rushing to stand behind Lorne who was clutching a crying Connor to his own quivering body.
Angel was oblivious to the activity behind him, even the frightened cries of his son. The weak thread of control was completely gone and worse, Angel no longer cared. The boy had trespassed and that would not be tolerated. “Listen carefully boy while your ears are still attached to your head. Cordelia Chase is mine. She has always been mine and she will always be mine. You may be her friend and I may allow you to spend time with my woman but make no mistake…you cross any boundary and I will rip out your spine, wrap it around your neck and choke the last drop of life from you.”
Angel’s gruff voice whispered a heinous and wicked evil that sliced into Charles Gunn’s soul. The young man steadied his nerve against the looming threat and fixed his sight on the vampire’s burning glare. “I ain’t movin’…Cordelia Chase don’t belong to nobody, especially some evil-ass, two-timin’ vampire.”
“Dear God, this is ludicrous! Angel, Lorne is right, we cannot be fighting amongst ourselves. I can only hope that Cordelia has remained asleep and has not had to listen to this disgusting display of over zealous, testosterone driven, pathetic show of ownership. Have you both gone mad!”
Angel began to become more aware of those around him as he mind began to clear. He turned toward the sound of his son’s sniffling cries. What have I done? What if Cordy did hear all this? No, she must be asleep. Even as upset as she was Cordy would have come out here and kicked my arrogant ass across the room. Lorne started to reach the whimpering child to his father but stopped when Angel objected with the raise of his hand. “I can’t hold Connor right now. I need you to take care of him.”
“Sure big guy, no problem. Come on little big guy, lets me and you go visit the sandman.”
“Wesley…Gunn…”
“Angel, the last thing Cordelia needs right now is a male presence, any male presence.”
“I know Wes and I’m sorry.”
“I’m not the one you need to be apologizing to.”
“Yea, uh…right…Gunn, I’m…sorry.”
“Just let it go man, we’re done…for now.”
“Angel, Cordelia gave me as much information as she could about the…incident and the location. I suggest you, Gunn and myself concentrate our efforts on preventing the attack from happening. Fred will stay with Cordelia and Loren will of course look after Connor.”
“Fine Wes, but from now on I want to be informed about what’s going on; understood?”
“Angel let’s get through this case before we move on to more difficult situations; shall we?”